would you call your child by your niece's middle name?

[amber5]

We were going to call our dd by a name which really suited her, but is my brother's dd's middle name. We're not particularly close and don't have the same friends, and we really didn't think it would matter.
After we'd called her this name for a week and really got used to it, my brother sent a text message to me asking us not to. We changed it to another name, but i'm not sure it suits her as much. I haven't seen or spoken to my brother since (dd is 9 weeks old)
What would you have done?

Oh stuff him. It's your child. Stand up for her! It's the name you want and so it the name you should have.

I could understand if she had some relly unusual exotic name that they would think it wasn't a coincidence. But, Emma????? No no no... they are out of line, and need a kick up the back side.

at this thread! Shame on your family Amber for making you feel like this when you have a 9 week old baby. Their behaviour is rude and insensitive and just confirms the fact that you should call your dd what you want. As people have said, if your family are so petty to have a problem with it, it is them doing the alienating, and IMO their loss.

that some people dare to say they don't like the name you have chosen - really don't see what that achieves.

BTW, all the names are lovely

In my family we have quite a few (actually 3 sets) of the same names amongst cousins. It's a compliment and it's where the term a 'family' name comes from. Stand up for yourself, they will get over it!

Am gob smacked. Middle names are so seldom used that it cant make any difference whatsoever. Can I admit here that I dont actually KNOW the middle names of my neices (cept for one and thats only cos hse told me an few weeks ago). Tell em all to sod off and do as you please and a,lso tell them to back off and leave you to enjoy your new baby in piece.

I'll come frighten them off for you if you like

When I had dd2, I had known from the begining what I would name her (we had definite names for both a boy or a girl). When dd2 was born and I told my mum, my sister sent me a text message back saying mother did not like it, and to change it along with a list of suggestions.
Mother's suggestions were the Indian equivelant of Brittany Spears (to my husbands utter fury). So for a few weeks, I dithered, not wishing to hurt mothers feelings, not wanting to name dd2 Brittany either, all in a post partum hormonal fug.....
Poor old dd2 was named dd1-firstname-the-second, until dp put his foot down and anounced that my mother had had her say when she had named five of her own children, and we would call dd2 what we wanted. I love it when he's masterful like that .
I am actually very thankful that dp had the sense to make a decision, I would have hated naming my little baby anything other than the name I had originally decided on. And she is so her name, and people have mentioend how lovely it is too (so there).

Either Emma or Elizabeth are lovely, stuff everyone else, call your baby what you want.

Hope you're feeling better this morning! After all we said yesterday about names! I can't believe that your brother is being so odd about the name - I'd be flattered if anyone wanted to use any of our names and it could almost become a family name thing. It's even more off seeing as how it's your niece's middle name so really not that important for her. Tell him where to go And Lizzie is a lovely name and really suits her

Hey, you could really piss them off if you name her Emma Emma.

Then call her Lizzie.

I'd use the name too.

D's cousin has exactly same name (first and middle) as DH's brother. No one minds at all.

It's only a middle name anyway.

i did have a similar occurence with a friend (who i rarely see) when i was pg with ds2. I called her to tell her i was pregnant and told her my preferred name for a boy and for a girl. This friend then went on to tell another mutual friend how pissed off she was that i was going to have her favourite boys name ( she didnt have any children and wasnt even pregnant). I called her back and told her how ridiculous she was being, the name didnt belong to ANYBODY!!! she was still a bit rattled by it but i stuck to my guns and kept the name. Friend went onto have a baby about 18mths later- a girl. So she got a kitten not long after and used her fave boys name on that! bizarre.

My niece had her first baby last summer and gave him the same name as DS1 - and her planned name for a girl was the same as DD2's - my SIL mentioned this very tentatively months before he was born, as if we would object, and I did wonder why!

Now I understand - some people are just plain weird

amber - huge congratulations on the birth of your lovely daughter, sorry your family are causing all this hassle.

Names are an emotional issue, but your brother and Mum are being completely unreasonable and unkind. Your dd's name is special, and you should be ab;le to call her what you and her dad most wnat to call her.

No wonder your brother is so spoilt, selfish and bullying if your Mumsticks up for him and uses emotional balckmail like this. how dare she get tearful - and THEN tell you she doesn't like your second choice name.

Go forward cheerily, call her Emma, and maybe write a letter direct to your brother and SIL and say sorry they have reacted like this, you never imagined they would, but as Emma is a well-known enough name thsy haven't got copyright on it and of course it is no refelction on how you feel about any of them, and you have no doubt that the children are strong enough in their individulity to have strong identities, even if they have part of thier name oin common.

And that if he makes it a probelm, that is sad, but not your fault.

Otherwise, his bullying is now extending to your little girl! Why should he be alowed to say what she should or shouldn't be called??
Good luck.

blimey, it would never have occurred to me not to sue a middle name already in use! My sister has an Thomas William and I know my SIL and brother are planning on calling their baby William if they have a boy

What an awful thing to bother you with straight after the birth of your beautiful daughter.

Your brother (AND his wife no doubt) are being childish and pathetic. They dont own the name. It WONT mean you will be stealing your neice's identity. How little they must think of their daughter if they think you can steal her "essence" purely by using one of her names.

Emma is a popular name and has been for about 30 years. WTF are they on?

Your parents are ridiculous for kow towing to their son's childish behaviour. It isnt for them to say whether they like the name or not. They are being selfish by expressing such a negative opinion about something that is important to YOU.

You call your daughter Emma. You dont have to explain to anyone why. If they are going to get THAT upset about it then you are well shot of them quite frankly. Its not even like they had picked the name out for a future baby and hadnt used it yet - which IS irritating but again - not the end of the world.

Ive had this weird name using thing. We had picked out a name for a DS and a name for a DD which we had told everyone about when i was pg back in 2003. (Oliver it was a boy). We had a girl instead. When i got pg second time it was at the same time as a cousin. She had a DD a few weeks before us last year and called her Olivia. When i had DS a few weeks later, we proceeded to call him Oliver as always planned and people were surprised. I couldnt give a flying f*ck and i would hope that neither would they. (ALTHOUGH, it does get confusing when talking about them and how they are doing with such similar names - the old folk in the family get utterly confused )

I hope you sort this out Amber How that your family has tainted what should be such a wonderful time for you.

I have the same name as my cousin (we have the same first names). My mum was told not to use it cos we already have a 'XXXX' in the family. My mum replied "I havent got a XXXX and I am going to use it". Doesnt bother me and doesnt bother her! Use whatever name you you want to. Its your child and no one has the right to tell you which name you should or shouldnt use.

My DS2 has the same middle name as my sisters DS'middle name and she was funny about that. Sod em I say. Your child, your choice.

BTW My counsin is 'Big XXX' and I am 'little XXX'

I dont see the big deal - it's a middle name. I would use it and certainly would't have problem if someone in my famly wanted to use my dd/ds middle names for their child - infact both my childrens middle names are mine and dh's friend's first names - what is the problem!!

I honestly think you should call her by the name you want - otherwise you will end up resenting those who made you cahnge it.

You parents should be grown up enough to accept that, and so should your brother. Let them have a strop if they like - but if it really makes them drop you then it was probably not worth the effort in appeasing them any way.

DH's parents have 2 grandsons that go by the same first name (technically different names, with different surnames) - it caused a row to begin with but now everyone copes with it.

I think also that when it is a common name there is even less reason to object.

Emma is a lovely name.

Just to add my twopennorth- my friend lives abroad and her MIL didn't approve of the name they'd chosen for their ds so she BRIBED the priest to say the wrong name at the christening!! He did it too! Huge pallaver then going though all the official channels to get it changed!

Stick to your guns, amber, as others have said, it's your choice, don't let them spoil your happiness at your new baby.

Why the heck not!!!?

(I should just point out - to show why my Oliver/Olivia story was relevant - is that whilst we and my cousins dont have an issue with it we have had ALOT of people ask if I minded them using that name having "reserved" ie Oliver several years ago, or whether i felt it still appropriate to use the name AFTER they had named their DD Olivia)

I wouldn't use it.

dinosaure,
at last someone who says no - can i ask you why?

How about Ella?

change it back, if only to piss them off

they are all being completely out of order. It's her middle name fgs.

Emma nicer than Elizabeth - go with Emma