Our safe haven thread for bereaved mums and anyone who has been affected by the bereavement of a child - whatever age,

[shabbapinkfrog]

The most supportive, loving, loyal thread on Mumsnet - I wouldn't know what to do without all of you x

Hello, ppm thank you, still here having one of those why oh why did I get up showered and dressed days when Id rather hide from the world!

tw what you said is really interesting. I think I still can't believe it happened. I don't have anyone to talk to about it tbh. I have a lovely GP who I last saw just 2 days after L died when she gave me some diazepam and I probably acted like a lunatic! haven't been back since! I spoke to someone at the hospital after L died a few times who was lovely but was told I had to stop seeing her after L's funeral. I was crying for 5 hours straight in the middle of last night, I think I'm 'feeling' her death more now this LO is here and maybe my postnatal hormones aren't helping..I keep waking up at night and panicking that this baby has died because he's too quiet/still.. I regularly wake him up just to check he's alive and then feel like a nutter afterwards! Poor kid probably wonders why I poke him 5 times a night !! I know your Harry was about the same age L was when he got ill etc, so, well, it's 'good' to know I'm not too mad and it will get better. It's just she was with us for so long it feels so strange to be with a newborn baby again. Can't quite accept it ever happened..?!

Anyway rambling over!

hazy, that sounds awful for your DD and grandaughter I hope she's OK now. Not nice for your DD to watch!

PPM well done for babysitting, I was asked to babysit my new cousin a few months ago, could not do it came up with silly excuse about not being able to get there. I think I'd be OK with it now but it's difficult isn't it

Since G died my GP has been seeing me once a month. In the beginning he came to my house then when he thought i could cope with being in the surgery again I went there. I met him last week (when i nearly did a runner from the surgery... that's a whole other story!) and I told him the appts were doing me more harm than good at the moment cos it's like going over the last month of emotions in a 20 min block then i'm exhausted for rest of the day! My Health Visitor visited/called me weekly and was a tremendous help. I agree with TW that taking either your HV or GP into your confidence and sitting chatting things through may help you...Worth a try? Might seem like you go through more pain initially but for your long-term health you gotta let it out girl! Even a particularly insensitive HV/GP wouldn't expect you to have another baby and normal service be resumed!! Or if that really doesn't seem realistic maybe a local charity/hospital (I'm sorry i can't remember what happened to your DD) would have some sort of support that could help?

Don't know if any of that any use but now I'm rambling!!

I did poke the girls to the point of waking them up twice last night but needs must heh!!

evening everyone

I wanted to go visit Fraser's garden today but Ross threw a wobbly and said he wasnt going

he played the guilt card wonderfully.. I am your little boy too... dont you want to stay here with me ...

I had to do lots of re-assurance, told him mummy loves spending time with him that he makes me happy etc

By that time I was too exhausted and mentally worn out to go.. xmas tree still up

then I got a call from my inlaws saying they were at his garden and would they take it down .. so at least its done

I guess these days I need to go to his garden when Ross is busy elsewhere

Ihad to try out the scottish emoticons didnt I

Hiya FM, They're good at the old guilt card aren't they!! Those scottish emoticons are just a bit weird... i think they look like wee golfers!!! !!!!

Morning girls xx

Good morning all xx

morning. I'm still stumbling. Had an awful thought earlier that i wont be able to take my necklace when i go on my honeymoon in may. I will have to take it off as it will make the alarm go off but i cant leave it at home and be without it for a week. Does anyone know if theres any legislation on jewellary?

Shelley I have a silver cross necklace and I never take it off, at all!! I went through customs at Manchester airport last July with no problem whatsoever. Have a look on the internet at the airport you are flying from and see if there is any information on there xx

I think im jsut worried because of what it is. It's steel so would set the detector off lol and can be opened. I only take it of when im getting a shower as i dont want to risk water getting inside. Thats a good idea cant check about the other end as i dont know where we're going lol

hello

feeling a bit more sane today ladies [phew]

shelley I would ordinarily say your necklace will be fine, even if you took it off and put it in a tray with other items such as phone, coins etc, when you walk through

However as it is what it is, I really don't know if it will be so simple... you could pack in hold luggage but obv there's a chance it could get lost. If you wore it, I'm sure you wouldn't want security teams opening it up...

Sorry I am not being very helpful. Do you have a certificate or anything stating what it is? Perhaps you could post a thread on here asking for other people's experiences ? In all likelihood you'd probably be able to wear it and just take it off when you go through the scanner, then put it back on again

fm glad your relatives were able to take the tree down for you

ppm thank you for the very un MN squishy squashy cuddle

I like these burns night smileys...

< crumpette now rambling nonsensically after 4 hours attached to a breast pump >

what happened why is it xmas again

could be interesting if they do open it up. Luckily what is important in there is cased in another tube which is clear. It doesnt clasify as sharp and the airport says jewlellary is allowd and i cant see anywhere on there where the important part would be classified as.

afternoon girls ,glad you got tree down,we took jaydens down on thursday as first time the snow has melted, robin redbreast didnt make it through snow,but never mind.
it seems so long ago since xmas dont it,my eldest granddaughter is seven this week, i dont know why but me and dh were talking and feel we lost two years we cant recall after jayden died, strange but true .

I'm sure you necklace will be fine Shelley. I've never had a problem with jewellery.

Glad to hear you're feeling better Crumpette. There will always be good days and bad days, and we'll always be here to listen

PPM - I've got my fingers crossed for you next month xxx

Surpose im just worried they'll think im a terrorist as it contains some of Matt's ashes. Im trying to find a number to give them a ring to see what they say. Hoping it is fine its like my personal st christopher

just found the number and phoned them, the advisor said it would be fine and best way to go about it is to keep it on and if the detector goes off they'll search me and i can explain then. Rather than them seeing something is inside it and me having the hassle that way

Please can I bend your ears?

I think this has come since I have read too much news about the brothers who tried to kill the two friends.

I cant stop thinking about how terrified my Matt must have been to see that lorry reversing into him. Oh shite - I have actually written that down now.

It was the first time he was allowed to play out of the garden. He was a couple of weeks off being 8 years old and he nagged, and nagged, and nagged to go and ride his bike outside. We lived on a quiet housing estate and lots of other children were playing out. He did what I told him not to....he rode his bike in the road.

The flat back lorry came round delivering pop to several houses. He rode his bike right behind the lorry to have a peep inside. The lorry reversed but only at about 3 miles per hour.

I cant stop thinking about how frightened he must have been...even if only for a few seconds. It is driving me bloody mad. No little lad should be that frightened. I hope that he didn't know anything about it. He had been outside for no more than 5 minutes when I went to check on him and a neighbours little girl was hammering on my front door when I got there.

I dont know what answers I want from you my friends. I needed to say this because it is making me feel ill. Please forgive me if I have made anyone sad - I hate making people sad. I hope, so much, he didnt see the lorry.

RIP my darling lad...I DID let you down...I allowed you to go out of the garden and I could have stood on the step and checked that you were safe.

OMG older grief has bitten my arse good and proper today xxxxx

Oh shabs x

YOu didnt let him down. You let him play. If there is one thing that I have learnt since I lost my Billie its that things happen in an instant. I have got to know so many parents who have lost their children in ways that could not have been forseen.

I do not allow myself to think about how frightened Billie may have been. I would not be able to go on if I did.

Shabs, I wish I had the words to make you feel better. Noone should have to feel the way you are feeling now. Its OK NOT TO THINK ABOUT THAT STUFF. You are not letting your beautiful boy down by believing that he wasnt scared and he didnt know.

I am sorry that you are feeling like this and I sincerely hope it passes.

Thinking of you (((Shabs)))

Thank you Che - I really feel a bit unstable tonight - not felt this way for many years. I finally said to him 'OK,OK you can go out on your bike....you must stay on the pavement, not go out of the road and YOU MUST NOT GO ON THE ROAD!' 'OK Mum, OK, (Matt couldn't pronounce several letters) Stop wowwing I will be alwight!'

He took his new bike out, ran back in and said 'Wheres my cowboy bewt and guns?' I said 'here they are, come and let me put them on for you.' He giggled and ran back - I put the belt on and he said 'Mum, Mum pull my fwinger (I am trying to type like he talked) when I pulled his fwinger he farted and said 'Bet that stinks!!'

Little bugger!!!

Think thats why I want to have five minutes with him - to tell him I love him, to tell him I wish I hadn't bought the farking bike, and to pull his finger just one more time. xx

...and I just noticed that was the 222nd post on here....the number 2 crops up constantly - its the last number of the years I lost my boys....when I get a raffle ticket it is always 222....the number 2 turns up at least once a day...how weird, proof of the fact that my 2 boys are always around?????? Or just coincidence???

awww shabs. You gave Matt what he wanted to play outside the garden. I dont know what to say really only that i join you in the hope that he didn't see the lorry. I know that feeling. (((hugs)))

proof that your boys are always aound IMHO shabs

I tend to agree with you Shelley - remember when I first talked to you on MN? You were so shocked that your brothers shared my sons names I hope that my lads are kicking arse in heaven....also hope they are with your brother xxx I bet they have pushed each other home in a supermarket trolley already