Our safe haven thread for bereaved mums and anyone who has been affected by the bereavement of a child - whatever age,

[shabbapinkfrog]

The most supportive, loving, loyal thread on Mumsnet - I wouldn't know what to do without all of you x

Thanks so much Shabs and TW - Just couldn't bring myself to do that xx Much appreciated my lovely friends xx

Che - how's you today?
Hazy - did you survive the dreaded dentist? You have my sympathies - i've got a big fear with them which has improved since i had the boys since i've had to do the being brave thing in front of them!

Hazy asked me to put it on my love. She thought I knew what I was doing xx

Thank you Hazy xx

im back,it was hell ,dentist said youll be ok youve had kids,havent you,yep but i swear childbirth is less painful,im a wimp with teeth.
thanks everyone for adding im not good with computors
che hope your ok ,been thinking of you.
love to everyonexx

Never think you are offending anybody on this thread. Just speak your mind and it can all be sorted. LF can you sort the list out? Its no use asking me I am totally computer stupid!!! xxxx You dont have to tread on eggshells with us lot my friend - just say how you feel or if anything is wrong and we can sort it out xxxxx

JANUARY

20th Jan,1992 Billies birthday (Chegirl)

FEBRUARY

28th Feb,2008 Lucies birthday (Crumpette)

MARCH
4th March 2007 Gregors birthday (PPM)
11th March 2008, Eris's Birthday & Remember Day (FeedMeNow)
15th March Gregors remember day (PPM)

26th March 2008, Noah's Birthday (TheLighthouseKeeper)

APRIL

3rd April,2007 Benjamins remember day (Charleymouse)
12th April,2009 Lucies remember day (Crumpette)
13th April, 2005 Frasers remember day (FMummy)
15th April, 2005 Frasers birthday (FMummy)
27th April, 2006 Billie's remember day (chegirl)

MAY

10th May,1992 Matts remember day (Shabbs)
24th May,1993 Christinas birthday (B.Butterfly)

JUNE

04th June 2008, Noah's Remember Day (TheLighthouseKeeper)
25th June,1993 Christinas remember day (B.Butterly)
28th June 1987 Matt's birthday (shelleylou)
30th June, 2009 Niamhs birthday and remember day (Woolly Jo)
30th June, 1984 Matts birthday (Shabbs)

JULY

13th July - Callums remember day (LittleMissPMeno)
21st July, 1982 Gareths remember day (Shabbs)
23rd July,2009 Nimahs funeral (Woolly Jo)
29th July, 2008 Caitlins birthday (Olissa)
30th July. Coles birthday (Liketomoveit)

AUGUST

3rd August, 2008 Caitlins remember day (Olissa)
5th August,2009 Felix's birthday and remember day (Tinkerbelle)
8th August - Callums funeral (LittleMissPMeno)

SEPTEMBER

9th September Ciarans birthday and remember day (Deemented)
18th September,2006 Jaydens birthday (Hazygirl)

OCTOBER

1st October - Ciarans funeral (Deemented)
7th October,2000 Harrys birthday (TWilbury)
19th October 2009 Matt's Remember day (shelleylou)

NOVEMBER

6th November 2008 - Oliver's Remember Day (Everlong)
7th November - Coles remember day (ILiketomoveit)
20th November 1987 - Oliver's Birthday (Everlong)

DECEMBER

1st December,2006 Jaydens remember day (Hazygirl)
2nd December,2001 Harrys remember day (TWilbury)
18th December,2006 Jaydens funeral (Hazygirl)
22nd December,1994 Jacks birthday and remember day (Lottie)
28th December,1981 Gareths (and Dannys) birthday

JANUARY

20th Jan,1992 Billies birthday (Chegirl)

FEBRUARY

28th Feb,2008 Lucias birthday (Crumpette)

MARCH
4th March 2007 Gregors birthday (PPM)
11th March 2008, Eris's Birthday & Remember Day (FeedMeNow)
15th March Gregors remember day (PPM)

26th March 2008, Noah's Birthday (TheLighthouseKeeper)

APRIL

3rd April,2007 Benjamins remember day (Charleymouse)
12th April,2009 Lucias remember day (Crumpette)
13th April, 2005 Frasers remember day (FMummy)
15th April, 2005 Frasers birthday (FMummy)
27th April, 2006 Billie's remember day (chegirl)

MAY

10th May,1992 Matts remember day (Shabbs)
24th May,1993 Christinas birthday (B.Butterfly)

JUNE

04th June 2008, Noah's Remember Day (TheLighthouseKeeper)
25th June,1993 Christinas remember day (B.Butterly)
28th June 1987 Matt's birthday (shelleylou)
30th June, 2009 Niamhs birthday and remember day (Woolly Jo)
30th June, 1984 Matts birthday (Shabbs)

JULY

13th July - Callums remember day (LittleMissPMeno)
21st July, 1982 Gareths remember day (Shabbs)
23rd July,2009 Nimahs funeral (Woolly Jo)
29th July, 2008 Caitlins birthday (Olissa)
30th July. Coles birthday (Liketomoveit)

AUGUST

3rd August, 2008 Caitlins remember day (Olissa)
5th August,2009 Felix's birthday and remember day (Tinkerbelle)
8th August - Callums funeral (LittleMissPMeno)

SEPTEMBER

9th September Ciarans birthday and remember day (Deemented)
18th September,2006 Jaydens birthday (Hazygirl)

OCTOBER

1st October - Ciarans funeral (Deemented)
7th October,2000 Harrys birthday (TWilbury)
19th October 2009 Matt's Remember day (shelleylou)

NOVEMBER

6th November 2008 - Oliver's Remember Day (Everlong)
7th November - Coles remember day (ILiketomoveit)
20th November 1987 - Oliver's Birthday (Everlong)

DECEMBER

1st December,2006 Jaydens remember day (Hazygirl)
2nd December,2001 Harrys remember day (TWilbury)
18th December,2006 Jaydens funeral (Hazygirl)
22nd December,1994 Jacks birthday and remember day (Lottie)
28th December,1981 Gareths (and Dannys) birthday

Good morning all

LF , not offended at all , I would have hated to leave the list with someone missing . Had to repost as I remembered about crumpette putting Lucias real name on a little while back .

Hope everyone is doing ok this morning xx

Morning xx

morning, how are we all today. i was looking forward to a couple of hours of peace but ds decided to be unwell.

thank you tw

mad of me I know just felt wrong having a semi false identity! sorry if I messed up the list I too am utterly rubbish with computers!

Hope everyone 'ok' at the moment, have been feeling awfully crap the past couple days.. I was holding DS yesterday I think and burst into tears and couldnt stop crying, I realised the way I was holding him was exactly the same way I held L as her heart stopped beating. It all came flooding back to me and the images of the dr coming over twice and saying 'it's still beating' .. eugh.. it took nearly an hour for her little heart to stop I wanted to scream at them to put her back on the ventilator DS (now 12 days old) looked at me like I was insane! he may have to get used to that haha

Yeah I'm OK in myself I suppose I am just finding it hard now he is here to accept that L isn't, all the sleepless nights and endless breastfeeding with him.. I went through it all with her for such a long time.. and wandering about with him in a sling or in his buggy on the same streets and in the same places I took her is so hard, I really feel like everything's unreal, if that makes sense

anyway sorry for the me me me post just can't say this anywhere else!

shelley hope your ds is ok, kids always pick the days when you need a rest! I am a bit irritated as have been up since 5 but also cleaned the whole place expecting midwife this morning who said she's be here today... who hasn't arrived... so may turn up unannounced on a day when I am totally unprepared and there's nappies and baby sick everywhere!

Crumpette - the flashbacks are hard but they will get better eventually. Everything you are feeling and experiencing are normal - even if you do feel like you are going round the twist. Infact I think it would be unusual if you didn't feel like that.

Just keep talking and allow yourself to feel like you are, there's nothing wrong with that.

Thanks Ilike, well DP won't let me talk about it with him he won't let me mention L or say that I miss her so poor little DS is getting cried on by mad mummy! It kind of feels worse now that DS is here.. I suppose beforehand I was busy with work etc but now I'm back to where I should be with DD now as a little girl and DS. I don't know I suppose the lack of distraction and being back in the area I lived with her has made it all a bit worse. Sorry I can't even type in sentences today!! bleugh

good to hear I'm not totally mad anyway, I don't want to mention it to anyone like GP/mw/health visitor as I don't want to be labelled as having PND or given antidepressants etc as I know that won't really help, I guess it's just a matter of time

Hi all, Wilfs back this afternoon, so chaos will reign!!

Hiya Crumpette, Big hugs for you and your wee one today xx

I think I just want to echo ILike by saying if you weren't going through the feelings/emotions that you are at the moment there probably would be something wrong with you!!

I have not had a further child since my own son died so I have no experience on that front but I share and understand your apprehension re talking to gp/midwife/health visitor but if they are worth their salts they should realise that different approaches help different people. I have also taken the no antidepressants road so far (never say never!) You are grieving and I imagine part of this grief must intensify because you have a new baby?

Keep posting and never feel like you're doing this on your own. We're here for you.

.... oh yeah, and give your DP a good slap from me feckin head in the sand man, as if not talking about something is going to help you

Crumpette , do you have anybody you can talk this through with ? I also used to get awful flashbacks when I first had my second son . I would see him sleeping and think he was dead , I would hold him and like you say I would remember holding Harry exactly the same way after he died . It was so painful but Ilike is right , these things do get better and they will lessen I promise .

What is your gp / HV generally like ? I think if you have a good relationship with them then it is def worth talking to them about how you are feeling . You do need to talk this through with someone . I found I had to keep replaying "the day" over and over in my head and voicing it to others before my head would actually believe it had happened . It is such an horrendous thing to have happened to any of us that I do think it takes a while for your brain to actually take it in .

I know it has been said before but I do agree with PPM , your dp needs a bloody good slap .

aww crumpette, i dont really know what to say only that how ou feel is understandable. I would think your MW will help how you can if they are good.
DS is ok just decided he wanted to be sick and clingy this morning. Im still driving myself crazy trying to work out why i suddenly had a song pop into my head. I'll be checking in to a padded room soon lol

Morning girls xx

Morning everyone x
Going to babysit for a friend tonight. She asked me cos she knows i want to do it but it's just the second time i'll have babysat since G died. They're only going to be across the road having dinner with friends. Am pleased she asked me but feeling a bit wobbly about it this morning.

Starting to pull plans together for a fundraiser.

Crumpette - Been thinking of you - how are you today?

I can't even imagine myself past the point of getting preg at the moment but yet again it's not to be this month.

Morning girls - hope last night went ok for you PPM xx

Hey Shabs, the babysitting was definitely easier than the first time and I'm glad I've done it. As usual the apprehension/anxiety happens before the event and when i'm in the thick of it I'm ok. I don't want it to become something i'll never do. Anyway my friends' two lovely girls don't do early beds so I was treated to a girly disney film with snowy puppies!! They were wee stars.

How's you today?

Sounds like it all went very well xxx

Im not bad thanks xx

well done ppmx
hope everyone ok,my eldest granddaughter had a horse riding lesson this morning ,fell off and broke her riding helmet bit bruised but ok thank god ok
dd said it was awful to watch,im glad i wasnt there i panic too easy nowadaysx