Our safe haven thread for bereaved mums and anyone who has been affected by the bereavement of a child - whatever age,

[shabbapinkfrog]

The most supportive, loving, loyal thread on Mumsnet - I wouldn't know what to do without all of you x

Good morning everyone xx

morning girlsxxxxxxxx

After discussion with shabs i thought i would post this song! The new Boyzone one!!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uz1tIvKbwO0

It is such a beautiful song Lottie..it is so obvious that every member of Boyzone is totally heartbroken at the death of Steven...I haven't seen such raw grief on a persons face for quite some time.

evening all .. I think and hope ratty has been evicted from my front garden

I have been turned down for term time working at my work so will need to figure out some childcare options for school hols - pain in the bum - still there are worse things in life

how are you doing tonight chegirl... I thought you might have been around . I will light a candle for Billie tomorrow

welcome back lottie

Evening all.

I don't have any words of wisdom for you missm as I had something sort of similar happen to me yesterday which involves a friend and I keep mulling over it and don't know what to do or say - if anything.

Good to hear your visitor has naffed off FM, and I hope you can work out your hours.

Am thinking of you Che and you will all be in my thoughts tomorrow xxx

Hello. I am here.

I dont know what to do

Its so hard.

I have only just let myself realise I cannot bear it.

My baby girl. She would have been 18 tommorow.

She could have been anything.

I havent got anything arranged for tommorow and I feel awful about it.

I had almost arranged to be on tv talking about bone marrow donation but they let me down at the last minute.

I miss my girl.

Oh Che.

18 is such a landmark isn't it? And it's so bloody unfair that Billie isn't here to celebrate it. There's no justice is there?

Maybe you haven't arranged anything for tomorrow because you don't want to do anything? You don't have to you know. You can just cry, smile or both. There aren't any rules.

I don't know your darling girl and I miss her too. I miss all of our darling children.

Che - you darling lass is still 18 tomorrow - just that very sadly she is not physically here. She is all around you, I KNOW that for sure, she is in Sunny days, in Butterflies, in Stormy days, in Snowy days, in laughter, in tears, in every single last thing. She is in your morning and your night time. She will never mentally leave you. She is, and will forever be, somewhere over your rainbow.

My next 'special' birthday will come in 2011 when my darling Gareth and Danny will be 30!!!

Be kind to yourself. Go with the flow and all those other types of sayings.

This says it all Che xxxxxx

Oh Che, just want you to know i am thinking about you, am feeling your pain through your words. 18 is so poignant. Just do what you want and need to do to get through tonight and tomorrow, just know we're all holding your hand and here for you whenever. Much love and strength to you and yours xx

I agree PPM - we are all here for you Che.xxxxx Have got my candle lit for your darling girl now and will re-light it tomorrow. I would have loved to have met her - she sounds amazing xxxxx

Hear hear Shabs, Feel the love Che! xx

How's you tonight Shabs? I've managed to up my hours at work this week from two hours per day to four hours a day... after the lows of new year i feel i have had a stepped progress in the last couple of weeks. Here's hoping i'll be back to full days sometime soon. I managed to go into a different office today, keep control of myself (well most of the time!) and had a really supportive meeting with HR.

Still seeing my counsellor and she's definitely helping me cope.

Im so proud of you PPM - you sound like you are walking this crappy path really well. At times it seems overwhelming but YOU are getting there.

Im a real tomboy!!! I have supported Manchester City for the past 42 years and tonight they beat Manchester United 2-1 in the first leg of the semi final of the Carling Cup....LOL I cannot tell you how excited me and the mighty Tomster are!!!!!!! Tom was screaming at one point and LOL!! Only a game of football but we are verrrrrrrrrry giddy tonight!!

Cheers mrs! Ha Ha Ha re the footy - just can't share your excitement re football but anything that raises a smile is allllll good to me!! seems like a good reason to go in search of the chocs and wine!!!

Yeah i think i'm making progess. when i look back at where i was at in november compared with this week i see a big difference however as i'm learning it's all so fluid and such a moving target. Two people this week have commented that an ickle bit of my sparkle has returned - gotta be a good thing!

ROFL DH just came in from being out with his friends watching the football. He is stone cold sober and....well...I AM NOT - I am pisched as a fart and high as a kite on the football reckon I might get 'done' in the morning LOL!!!

Oh that's soooooo funny and totally brilliant!!!! .... I've kind of been off the booze (well apart from last friday!!) since new year or i would totally join you tonight... you'll have to have one for me instead!! I've got tradesmen arriving at 8am to fix stuff in the kitchen and i should really be in bed but i can't be arsed and don't feel tired... am so going to regret it in the morning!!!

Morning girls

Thinking of you today Che xx

Good morning all xx

Che , you an dyour Billie are in my thoughts today . Be kind to yourself today , do what you need to get through the day and nothing more xxx

che thinking of you and billie todayxwere all here for you xx
ppm your doing so well,big hugsx
hugs to everyonexx

morning girls

happy b/day billie.. an adult today

its such a huge milestone.. hope the day passes peacefully for you .. off to my light candle

ppm you do sound like you are doing well. i hate to say this but you may find at some point grief will catch up with you and you will feel like you have gone right back in time

Thats not meant to make you feel bad its just so you know when it happens that its normal

You will find as time goes on grief catches up less often and you can get past it quicker

sending everyone love this morning

I have just discovered my back door is wide open .

Now I havent been out this morning and I was at work till it was dark last night

so how long has it been lying open ???

I thought we had been burgaled at first because ross has emptied out about 3 wicker boxes of toys

morning everyone, happy birthday billie and extraa large hugs for che xx

I do know what you mean FM. I had a horrendous first day back at work after new year but the following week i seemed to get it together better and quicker than i anticipated. I am totally dreading march though... got gregor's birthday on 4th, Mothers day which last year was the day before his funeral, his anniversary on 15th and the date of his funeral which fell on one of his wee pals birthday. It's gonna be tough but what else is there to do but keep plodding? Am currently rounding up some good friends to help plan a fundraiser for the last weekend in march in aid of the scottish cot death trust who have provided me with support and as hazy has said if it prevents even just one family going where we have all gone it's sooooo worth it. And it may provide me with a focus/distraction to help me through some of the difficult days.

Have you got to the bottom of your open door.... maybe ratty has learned a new trick?!

Che, happy birthday to your beautiful Billie. Lighting a candle here for you both xxx

yes fm, as ppm says.. did your visitor decide to come back in? that's one amazing rat!

Just kidding, pretty terrifying to wake up to something like that, are you sure you didn't leave it open yesterday?

ppm the fundraiser sounds like a really positive thing to do