Our safe haven thread for bereaved mums and anyone who has been affected by the bereavement of a child - whatever age,

[shabbapinkfrog]

The most supportive, loving, loyal thread on Mumsnet - I wouldn't know what to do without all of you x

PositiveAttitude, you are more than welcome here but as is always said we are very sorry to meet you in this way (shabs phrases it better than that!!)

Thank you for telling us about Emma. A candle will be lit here for her tomorrow. I can imagine how painful those milestone dates are and I'm so very sorry that she isn't with you physically for you to celebrate it with her It's a horrible feeling when others seem to have forgotten, whether or not that is the case, and I think we all know that having other DCs does nothing to even ease the pain of your loss

Here's a massive hug for you xx

PositiveAttitude, You will never find silence on here, just love, compassion, shared grief and many, many understanding ears.

Much love and hugs to you and yours xx

I am only just about a year down this very difficult path but my wee lad should have been 3 last week and I totally understand your emptyness and sense of what should have been.

Hi Feedmenow, was just thinking about you and
Eris last night and wondering how you're doing. Much love and hugs for you and yours xx

oh feedmenow .. its nice to hear from you. I cant believe its been 2 years since you very bravely posted your story on mn

Without you I wouldnt have found such wonderful support which has seen me through some very tough times. I hope you realise what a beautful thing you started.

There will be a light shining in Glasgow for your beautiful daughter Eris.

I hope you find some peace tomorrow

please pop back from time to time and let us know how you are

postive .. please dont apologise.. you are not crashing in.. this is the place for hugs

My first little boy was stillborn almost 6 years ago. Do you want to tell us what happened to Emma.. its ok if you dont.

21 is a huge milestone.. every b/day xmas and mothers day is hard but knowing you should be celebrating you daughter becoming an adult is even harder

will you do anything special tomorrow .. ??

I will light 2 candles tomorrow .. Eris and Emma

sending you hugs

Welcome to our special thread Positive.....will light a candle in Lancashire tomorrow for your precious girl and for Eris....older grief is difficult isint it? I lost one of my twin baby boys when he was 7 months old in 1982 and in 1992 my DS3 was knocked down and killed by a reversing lorry - he was almost 8 years old. People expect you to be 'over it' and to just get on with stuff...BUT, older grief has an awful habit of biting me on the bum - very hard - when I least expect it.

Glad you found us, hope you keep posting, amazing bunch of girls on this special thread xxxxx

Morning girls xx

Morning all x

There will be two candles lit here in Sussex today x

Good morning.

FMN - Big hug between us today. Eris and Emma have the same birthday. Sending you special thoughts today.

Frasersmummy - Thanks for asking. Emma was born after an emergency CS at just 26 weeks due to eclampsia. Emma lived for 8 days, then lost her battle. For 5 days of that time I was in intensive care. DH was warned that he would lose us both at one time, so we always feel grateful that I survived.

Right from an early age there was only one thing I wanted to be and that was "mum". I remember being told off by my favourite teacher at the age of about 14 when I routinely filled in my "career" choice form, which we did annually, and as always I put 1st choice - mum. 2nd choice - nurse, until I become a mum! When DH proposed to me when I was 21 his words were "Will you marry me and have "Babybells" " (just a joke name beween us due to his surname, not the cheese!!!!) So it seemed so cruel when Emma was born and died 9 months after our wedding.

We then went on to have 4 miscarriages before Sophie was born, now a beautiful 18 year old, followed by 2 more sisters, then a brother and the family was as complete as it ever will be when we adopted a daughter from Russia.

Shabba - thank you for sharing on here. Do you ever feel a bit guilty about not thinking of your DSs as much as you should? For the first few years Emma was definitely thought of every day. I had a horrible moment at work on Monday when I flicked through my weeks diary and saw Thursday - Emma b'day. For a second I had a flashing thought of "Oh my goodness, who is that, who have I forgotten to buy a present for?" Very quickly followed by a crushing feeling because how on earth could I not have known instantly. I really felt as if I had let her down, yet again. I so nearly lost it in the meeting I was in.

We have not planned anything special today, just hopefully lots of special hugs. We are both off work today, so may have a coffee out together, nothing much.

Must dash as DCs need shaking out of bed! Off to the school with DD2 to get an AS level exam result at 9.

Thank you all for your lovely welcome here. I have posted before (a very positive post, hopefully) and you are always so warm and lovely.

Lots of warm hugs and loving thoughts for Eris and Emma from a (still) very snowy perthshire!!

FMN - I wasn't around two years ago but have heard about the strength you must have had to be able to talk about Eris and share your story with so many. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have had the support I have had from the lovely ladies on here for the past 9 or so months so Thank you x

PA - At the moment I cannot start to imagine how grief will feel so many years on but you, Shabs and others give folks like me hope and strength to see that life can go on.

PA - just noticed the last line of your post - I thought I recognised your name and I do remember your very positive post from a few months back xx

Sorry pa... when you said you were sorry for crashing in I didnt check back to see if you had posted earlier

At least you have been welcomed twice

I cant believe how brave you have been. If I had miscarried after Fraser I would have given up you are made of stronger stuff than me

I know what you mean about the guilt.. Fraser used to fill my entire waking hours and I used to go to his "garden" every week. I dont think of him nearly as much these days and I really dont get to his garden nearly as often as I should

I bought a sands wristband and a couple of pin badges so even if I am not thinking of Fraser I always have a reminder of him on iyswim

A daughter adopted from Russia??? come tell us that story (nosy cow emoticon)

Happy birthday Eris

Happy Birthday Emma

there is a light shining for you both in Glasgow

Positive - yes, sometimes I do feel guilt.

I have kind of 'come to terms with Gareths death - I did everything in my power to keep him alive but his heart problems were too 'big' for even a Mums love to cure.

However - Matt is such a different 'kettle of fish' - we had the precious lad for almost 8 years. He brought the sunshine back to our world after Gareth died. His death was also so horrific. I think of him every single day - then I feel major guilt that I dont think of Gareth every single day - I feel awful. I hope that Gareth is always aware of just how much he was loved.

xxxxxx

Thinking of Eris and Emma today xxx

thinking of eris and emma today,candle lit here in yorkshire,
sorry not been about but busy at moment,went with a couple of friends to see another friend who has had cancer ,but do you know we had a good laugh .

Had my candles lit when my granbaby Lewis arrived this afternoon. He spotted them straight away and went into this song - will try to type it like he sang it - bearing in mind he is 21 months old!!!

Hachy irfday u u, Hachy irfday u u !!!!

Thinking of Eris and Emma today, they share my dh's birthday.

My little angel Thomas's birthday is tomorrow, he would have been 6. He was born on a Friday too so come full circle with the weekday it falls on. Just been writing out his card, which we laminate and put on his grave. Written a little poem in that says it all:-

You were a blessing to us all
you were a special child.
And we're so glad God sent you
to be with us awhile.

You filled our home with happiness
and made our life complete.
The time we had with you
was far too short, but oh, so sweet.

Now it comforts us to know
you're with the angels up above.
While in our hearts we hold you close
Surrounded by our love.

A 6th birthday wish we send to you today
We love and miss you more than words can say

Feels rubbish that it has to be like this, when we should be wrapping presents and doing last minute bits for his big day.

6 years ago today I was having mild contractions while out for a meal for my husband's birthday, which was quite funny at the time, we were giggling with excitement and nervousness as we knew he would soon be here. Little did we know what was to come over the next few weeks and months. Guess we have to focus on the so many good memories we have of him, we are so lucky to have those xx

Oh Ems.....I have got a Thomas - I love that name. I love your poem - I love your expectations, excitement and love - it shines through. Will be thinking about you and your family tomorrow - I agree that you should always focus on the happy stuff - just because all our precious children are not here physically - I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are always emotionally around us.....night, night girls - holding you all in my thoughts xx

Morning girls xx

morning girlsx going get my head down for a while as going for a ride to lancashire at tenxx

Thinking of you today Emma and your little angel Thomas xx Huge hugs for you xx

emma04 thinking of you and Thomas today,candle lit herex

Thoughts for you today Emma04.

Thank you all so much for your kindness yesterday. I survived the day without too much trauma. It was only DH and I that mentioned it. Everybody else has forgotten, but I cant really blame them, I have trouble remembering the birthdays of everybody who is around me! We stayed in for the evening - supposed to go out to a friends house with a load of others as we do every Thursday, but we could not face it.

About th eRussian adoption. She was nearly 3 when we eventually managed to bring her home to this country. We heard about her when she was 9 months old and instantly knew that we needed to help her. We started off by wanting to bring her to this country for a large operation and we were prepared to put up all the expenses, but the powers that be decided that was daft, so we went the whole way and adopted her. It took 2.5 years of beaurocratic nightmares! The Russians were fine, the English were awful and we had to use an AMerican agency and they were just out for money all the time!
Not all been a walk in the park since having her home. She has a lot of baggage from spending the first 3 years in an orphanage where she was in the room for children that were "no-hopers". But she has a chance at life.

Off to plate up tea.

Thank you again. I think you are all amazing.

Happy Birthday Thomas xxx Thinking of you Emma04.

Sorry to have not been around much at the moment. I just can't seem to find the time to do much (except constantly running round after a 18mo!) at the mo. Could kick myself that I missed Eris' and Emma's special days. I may have missed them, but I am thinking of them and of us all xxx