Our safe haven thread for bereaved mums and anyone who has been affected by the bereavement of a child - whatever age,

[shabbapinkfrog]

The most supportive, loving, loyal thread on Mumsnet - I wouldn't know what to do without all of you x

everyone commented on matt's smile. From memory the verse says:
In memeory of Michelles brother Matt
Although we cannot see you
we know that you are here
smiling down watching over us as we say
i do
forever in our hearts and lives
so we say our vows
in loving memory of you

I bet they do i've seen your matts smile. We are lucky to have had them

That's just beautiful shelley. You've got me blubbing as well now!!

Aren't the co-incidences you come across really strange... the particular lady I talked about earlier who lost her niece... that wee girl shared a birthday with Gregor. I know the two of you have a tremendous affinity with each other due to the coincidences in names. I also have come across another couple who lost their son Gregor (albeit in his 30's) last year as well - just bizarre.

sorry never ment to set anyone of crying.

Theres far more coincidences we have found recently. I'm 18 months older than my Matt and 18 months younger than Shab's Matt amoung others its really bizare.

I should really get myself sorted to go town and get my parents anniversairy present and card for thursday (really late sorting it this year) SIL's birthday card for then too and my mum's and MILs mothersday cards. Wouldnt worry about them yet but 1 of them needs posting in the next day or so to get there in time and if i leave it to H2B he wont buy it til last minute

Nowt wrong with a bit of a cry Shelley - nowt at all xxx

Crying can be good for the soul - don't apologise It's just beautiful xx
I know i've got tons of stuff to do today but not quite mustered up the motivation. My mum's bday is this end of this week and I think i'm also kinda blocking out the whole mother's day thing at the moment iykwim.

yes me too. i think i may as well stay here for a bit as by the time i get into town ill only have 10 minutes before i need to leave to collect ds. I forgot the bank card this morning lol

Morning girls xx

morning girlsxx

Morning.... Bloody men!!!! DH was a rude arrogant shit last night and stormed off to work this morning with a rather guarded 'bye' ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Ahhh ... and breathe.... that's better!

morning girls

In regard to the whole God thing... I used to have a really strong faith till I lost Fraser but then I couldnt see how a loving God could let this happen

A lot of people said its all part of God's great plan.. wtf??

I remember one of the girls in the work just wouldnt let it go ... she kept saying it and I kept saying I didnt believe that. I remember she went on and on .. if I hadnt been in the office I would have punched her . I had to go out for a walk

I was at a christening last year and the sermon was jesus said I am the way. The minister said ... Jesus never said the way would be easy or that there wouldnt be things to trip you up on the way .. simply I am the way

This did make me stop and think..maybe I was wrong to turn my back on my faith

oh god ppm mothers day ... my first mothers day i just stayed in dressed in jogging bottoms and a baggy jumper and wept .. literally for hours

Now its a strange mixture of happiness and tears

I am off to the doctors.. work insisted on it as I have been couughing for a fortnight

so if i get signed off for a fortnight it will be their fault

I believe I do have a deep seated faith, do believe in God but don't think he's the best thing since sliced bread and can't stand folks who ram religion in your face as a few have tried - makes me mad. I do, even after Gregor's death, believe that things do happen for a reason... And I'm already seeing signs of the legacy he leaves behind from the people who knew him and some didn't but now feel they did... he lived for two tiny years but had more of an impact in those two years than some folks have had in 92 years.

I am two,
Can that be?
I question which one's really me.
One is smiling? Coping well?
The other weeps in a living hell.

One is
Too tired to deceive,
And wants to be alone to grieve.
The other
Tries to battle on,
Even though all meaning's gone.

Some days, one
Is stronger than the other,
Or the two
Will merge, then I'm another.
Perhaps one day
I'll find the real 'I'
But until then
One will laugh,
And the other will cry.

A poem taken from the book entitled 'Matthew - Shadows soft around his name.' Written by his Mum - Ann Holloway.

To all the ladies on this wonderful thread.
I haven't been here in a long time although I think of you all often.
I have wondered why I don't come here so much anymore and I think I know the answer. The truth is, you were all here for me over and over and on and on when Eris first died and in the months that followed.
But I had to put my emotions away so quickly because of Kyirrie, and because she was so sick. I do not think I have it in me even now to cope with grieving for Eris and being strong for a poorly child - not that Kyirrie is still poorly, other than the chicken pox!
Anyway, because this thread and all in it remind me so much of Eris, and because I still cannot properly cope with my grief then I mostly stay away.

But right now I wanted to come by and say that tomorrow is Eris's 2nd birthday. For anyone that remembers me from the beginning and even for those who don't, please light a candle for my beautiful little girl on her birthday and send love and happiness her way.

feedmenow, I understand you. I sometimes feel toooo sad to come here, if that makes sense, because being allowed to feel how I feel can sometimes be much more painful than trying to wipe it away and pretend it isn't happening. I will be lighting a candle tomorrow for your precious Eris and for you. I know all the other girls here will too. Many lights will be shining for her 2nd birthday xx

FMN , it is lovely to "see" you again x

I completely understand , I felt like Harry was kind of "put on hold" for want of a better phrase for a couple of yrs after my next two were born . I did still grieve but I just couldn't let myself go too far down . I did then feel able to reconnect with him a bit further down the line and now the balance is a lot better .

I am sorry Kyirrie has got the dreaded pox , how is she doing with it ?

A candle will be lit here in Sussex tomorrow for your gorgeous Eris x

shabs thank you for posting that, what a beautiful poem it really sums quite a bit up in so few lines

frasersmummy, hope you got on OK at the GPs

I'm alright, DP being an enormous PITA, further disasters with his mum's house and all tenants moving out so without rent and with me on maternity leave we've missed a mortgage payment and I get all the grief even though I told him not to get involved from the beginning as he already has a mortgage he pays on ex's house and we are renting and argh he is such an irritant Also have only just joined ebay and sold something and the buyer says they didn't receive it! Bit annoying as I am guessing I have to refund it and she either has it or a postal worker has it [totally wonders why she bothers to get up in the mornings] end of vent!

sorry tw x-posted

waves through laptop!

Feedmenow - so wonderful to see you - a candle will certainly be lit here for your lovely Eris - without Eris this thread would not exist - Im glad we made you volunteer to start our thread. I do understand what you mean, sometimes I dont post how I am feeling because it is just too sad and I cant even put it into words myself.

Will be thinking about you and your amazing little lass tomorrow - as I do most days xxxx

I am so sorry crumpette that things are going so pear shaped for you at the minute , I hopw your dp steps up and sorts things out

Shabs how you doing ?

thanks tw, I hope so too.. seeming more unlikely by the minute I have to say. I do feel like everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong and is continuing to do so. I just woke up the other day and realised my grandmother had died in the summer.. it hit me really hard.. I guess at the time I was rather cold and immune to it because it was only 3 months after L's death but for some reason it hit me and I got very sad. She was the one member of my family who cared and was such a lovely lady, so kind and selfless and I used to ring her nearly every day (I have a terrible relationship with my mother and have no other family really to really speak of) so I think now I am on maternity leave there is of course a big gaping 2 year old shaped hole and also a grandma shaped hole in my life.

On the plus side at least little DS is fine, sounds silly moaning about finances when nothing is worse than a child being ill. He gave me rather a fright the other day though (same symptoms as L had in the 2 days before she was hospitalised but without the jaundice) but seems fine now, so I am breathing a big deep sigh of relief. I was petrified he was ill too. argh!

I am glad he is ok crumpette , I am a wreck when one of mine are ill , especially when it is just a cold as that was all Harry apparently had .

yeah same here, L just had a runny nose and cold symptoms. She then screamed for 2 nights (which she never did but I stupidly thought was her teething) and vomited. He started doing the high pitched scream that I now recognise as encephalopathy symptom and he did 2 massive massive scary vomits (really massive) and was very drowsy and felt really hot but stupid thermometer wasn't working. He is fine now but I really panicked, trying to find a balance of rational concern and not wanting to appear like a hypochondriac loon!

If he ever gets 'a cold' I will probably freak out, I am nervous just thinking about it. The last photos I have of her, just a few days before she was on life support she was walking around the furniture grinning but with a runny nose. V scary

Hi ladies, Really sorry to crash in on here, but I feel I could be in need of a virtual hug in the morning.

Tomorrow should be our first daughter's 21st birthday. She died as a baby and I know it is a long time ago, but on these special days it always comes rolling back. I should be looking forward to celebrating this special day and looking at a beautiful young adult, instead I just have a few photos beside my bed and memories of our too short 8 days together. I feel as if no-one else remembers her and that it is her birthday.

We now have 5 other DCs and I am grateful for them, but still dreadfully miss the life we should have enjoyed with Emma.

Thanks ladies, I have tears down my face, but feel better that I can come on here and say this without the dreadful silence I would get if I said this to anyone in RL.

Thank you.