Our safe haven thread for bereaved mums and anyone who has been affected by the bereavement of a child - whatever age,

[shabbapinkfrog]

The most supportive, loving, loyal thread on Mumsnet - I wouldn't know what to do without all of you x

They are both gorgeous abi , what fantastic eyes he has got .

abi, that picture is beautiful. He looks so happy and bright xx

Thank you all, it means so much to share pictures of him, thank you all so much

I have put some pics of my boys up as well

Awwww TW your little man is soooooo cute - love all his hair - my lot were all bald for a looooooong time

TW - such handsome boys! Lovely grins and beautiful heads of hair the lot of them!

Thanks

They are pretty damn cute aren't they ?

Hi all. Ive not been on much, im not very well, got a lung infection, have been coughing so much that i have pulled muscles in my lower stomach, and got a headache!!

That sounds yucky Lottie

Sending big hugs your way , hope you feel better very soon x

Hi all, have been awol as I have been stupidly busy.

Congratulations Abi and it's a lovely picture. Your boys are all lovely too TW

Hope you feel better soon lottie, dh has had a lung infection too so I sort of know how crap you must feel.

velvetbee - we're here whenever you need us.

There are a few of us here who have experienced our dc being in hospital and all of the stress and upset that entails. So please feel free to come and chat xxx

I have come down with flu likeI havent had in years... I feel absolutely awful. At least yesterday I could drop Ross at nursery and go back to bed. Today I have to be a mum despite being ill

Anyway Lottie you are obv worse than me .. how are you doing .. are you getting better

I have just been looking at all your lovely piccies. I cant bring myself to post a picture of Fraser on the net.Different if only you girls could see it but I dont like the thought of complete strangers seeing him. Why???? I dont know .. It just doesnt feel right

i dreamt last night that the night we lost fraser a few hours later he started kicking again .. wentg back to the hospital and they wouldnt believe me. I was there for hours begging them to get him out .. weird!.. must be the amount of cold medecine that did it

Morning girls - FM and Lottie hope you both feel better very soon.

xxx

Am still coughing. Sleeping sitting up. Have had a few domestic probs. I did post on here and name changed last night. Problem with an ex bf. May be down to the police to sort. Will have to wait and see........

Lottie sorry about your lung infection, sounds really ghastly, and sorry about any ex bf problems, I haven't seen your thread as I've just come on MN (after my grand achievement of today.. a shower! whhoooo)

frasersmummy sorry you are unwell, too. Dreams are bizarre aren't they, I keep having dreams about L but they're usually about her dying in different ways, so I get really upset when I wake up. I had a very detailed dream 2 nights ago though in which I met my grandmother (she died in July) and spoke to her at length, she told me to be nice to my grandfather and call him because he is trying hard to cope, and told me she is content where she is for the moment.. really freaked me out tbh as it was just like she was there and real. Then I asked if she had seen L anywhere and she didn't answer and the room we were standing in suddenly plummeted down and I fell over and then I woke up..

Strange.

tw your little ones are all utterly, utterly gorgeous and cheeky looking!

I keep meaning to put a pic of DS up but I'm not quite ready to do it, even though L is there.. it's almost like I don't want to have her photo replaced by anything.

Anyway I was meaning to go out today and get something for her birthday, some flowers or something.. I stood for ages by birthday cards in a shop on Thursday with DS in a carrier. I had to go out virtually all day as the boiler was replaced and flat full of plumbers. Anyway I must have looked nuts, I just stared at all the birthday cards with the ages on and got really upset and left. It seems strange to get a card saying '2' because she'll never be 2, but she should be, so I don't know what is right- to think of her as 2, then 3, etc or to think of her always as 14 months. It's just so unfair she never had a birthday party or cake or ... I just wish Ihad known and I would have made the time I had with her so much fun and so full for her, I didn't even take her to a baby group, she didn't even play on the playground because I thought she was too little I feel really guilty

sorry girls, I just hope DP will drive tomorrow to where she is as I can't get there easily otherwise especially with DS. He thinks I am silly, of course..

Better go the small thing in the moses basket is screaming at me in a colicky fashion.. aaargh..

crumpette.. the saddest words in the english language are if only

My dad once said to me dont go back and revisit a decision. You decided not to take L to the playground based on the facts you had then not the facts you have now if you see what I mean

I was gonna say dont feel guilty but that sounds really trite because I still feel guilty that I didnt make enough fuss the night Fraser stopped moving ..I think its par for the course

but you honestly did do what was best for L at the time and she knows how much you love and care for her both then and now

I dont do cake and card.. For me its too weird... but I think its nice that others get comfort from doing it .Every birthday I go and get one balloon for each year, get them helium filled and release them to Fraser.

There seem to be a lot of stories about children dying from head injuries in the news today I'm trying to keep away, but it's a bit like having a sore tooth & wanting to check if it hurts [stupid]

Hello to everyone, esp anyone I've not 'met' before. It's good there's somewhere that feels safe, but I agree with what someone said earlier about stuff being 'out there'.

My DS2 has the same birthday as F, so we celebrate both. The awful thing is that we thought when F was born that he was sent to protect us (he arrived 3 weeks early, v quickly) because DS2 wasn't expected to live (does that sound horrible? Sorry) That's another 'if only', Crumpette, but this time 'if only we knew...' DS2 is happy & healthy btw, but we still don't know about the future.

Hello everyone, have had a crazy couple of days... Wed and Thursday we saw around 2 foot of snow here and had a power cut for all day Thurs and most of Friday! Some poor folks in neighbouring villages still have no power today!

Crumpette - am thinking of you today and tomorrow esp xx

Gregor's wee pal is having his 3rd birthday party tomorrow. Been and bought yet another 3rd birthday card today. Struggling a bit today. Feeling the apprehension today of all the dates piling up at the start of march

Back again, there are so many if onlys..especially from when she was in hospital.. all a big horrible blur

hmph

I won't be getting a card, I will try and get some extra pretty flowers for her tomorrow. I found a cute little shop near where I live the other day, they had really lovely rose-style potted little trees outside. I have no idea what they were, am hoping they're open tomorrow.. probably won't be and I will be posting saying 'if only' I'd got one in the week she'd have a pretty rose tree thing [!]

I think releasing balloons up to Fraser is really lovely, fm. All kids love balloons.. unfortunately I am compulsive helium addict and can't resist inhaling helium at every opportunity !!!

ziggy, there are an awful lot of stories in he press at the moment that really touch a nerve, I try not to read them because they're so sad but then of course they are the first thing I do read

ppm- hugs to you, at least I don't have to get 2nd birthday cards for any children when I should be getting them for L, I probably couldn't do it.. Ireally think you are doing brilliantly x

The colicky lump is now sitting next to me on the sofa and looks most unimpressed that I am on MN !! He has just started to smile but has also perfected his one-eyebrow raised indignant face, it's v funny

Crumpette - the potted rose sounds lovely. There's no wrong or right way to mark L's birthday, so do whatever feels right to you. I'll be thinking of you both tomorrow.

FM - you can put photo's on MN and only have them visible to your friends. But you have to state that preference and you have to type in each individuals name.

PPM - the build up feeling is the worst imo, then the actual day feels like a release. You're doing so well but I don't think the feeling of it being unjust ever goes away .... well it won't for me anyway. I do delight in seeing C's playmates growing older and reaching their milestones, but the feeling that C should be there with them can be overwhelming.

I don't dream about C much, I wish I did. When I do luckily it's not a bad dream. Usually it involves me, dh and ds2 doing day to day stuff and I know C is there but I don't actually see him.

Thanks Crumpette and ILike, I know what you mean ILike about enjoying seeing their wee pals reaching milestones but it is intensely painful all at the same time. And you're right it can be so overwhelming. Couldn't even look at the mothers day cards when i popped into get a birthday card. Gregor's funeral was the day after mothers day last year and the last time i spent with him was on mothers day last year - Crap crap crap!!!!

ppm, sorry x-posts. mothers day has enough of a sting to it for all of us I suspect, without the last day you spent with gregor being the same day sending you hugs

I was in a shop the other day and a mum was behind me with her son and he was kicking my bag, so I asked how old he was (expecting him to be about 3 or 4) and she said he would be 2 next week ... He was very tall and a real little boy and it was very weird, as L should be that tall and should be a real little girl by now. Very weird seeing other children where yours should be.

Oh Crumpette, you soooo don't need that sort of crap tonight. You need all your energy to cope with your wee one, your grief for Lucia and yourself. Hugs for you too - think you are in need of a large one tonight!!

The counsellor I have been seeing has helped me with many relationships recently, one thing I have talked about with her is my disappointment in other people. I now realise I have no control of what they will do/say. And I am only responsible for my own actions and how i behave. I guess what i'm trying to say is that you have to look after you! xx