Our safe haven thread for bereaved mums and anyone who has been affected by the bereavement of a child - whatever age,

[shabbapinkfrog]

The most supportive, loving, loyal thread on Mumsnet - I wouldn't know what to do without all of you x

Morning girls.

The virus I had on my computer has, quite literally, 'eaten' the internet and I have to buy a startup disc to retrieve it. Tom has brought his Mac downstairs for me so I can get on here.....have missed all of you xxx

Morning Shabs xx and all xx

It is nice to have you abck , you have been missed xx

welcome back shabs.. we have missed you

I may disappear for a few days..my old pc stopped working.. got this nice new shiny one and it keeps saying its overheating and I need to shut it down

So its being returned to whence it came ...

joy

keep it up tw you are doing great

ppm are you still feeling low

what about your crumpette.. how are you ?? I was worried about you when I read your last post. You obv have a lot of hormones floating around still and its hard looking after a new born even without having to deal with raw grief. I do feel for you.. please let me know how you are

FM, TW and LF thanks for all your warm words and thoughts. xx Sunday was a very low day but i'm pleased to say I was in work yesterday and am working from hom again today and feeling back 'up' again!! Also managed to stick to the diet and all going well there too. It's giving me something to focus on so i don't enter april another stone or so heavier!

Couldn't log on last night - think mumsnet was down.

Also very glad to see you back Shabs I've missed you xx

Thanks for your kind words girls - it is so good to be back!! This mini mac of our Toms is amazing - except for the tiny keyboard - I was trained as a copy typist and its taking me forever to type messages out because its very different to the one I am used to!! Its still very posh though!!

hi girls ,good to see you again shabs.
ppm glad you are feeling a bit better,you do amazing well love ,you do know that i hopexx
my eldest grandaughter has had a awful rath,her hands and feet are covered in spots ,big red ones,treated with anti biotics made no difference,my dd1 took her back to doctors.he says he is baffled,to which my grandaughter whos seven replied ,you were baffled with my brother too,and you just let him die,i dont know if she was scared or what ,but god i just wish we had answers.
i spent all friday in bed ,got up saturday and worked sunday night,went to bed yesterday and couldnt get up again,my back was awful, dh left my house phone with my to just bleep when i wanted summit,i think hes lost a stone.
ppm im gonna join you and lose weight .my weight problem aint helping my back.
well done girls on giving up smoking its a big hurdle,well done.

OMG Hazy, the things kids say heh! That gave me goosebumps. I can kind of see my family path ahead in your granddaughter. Thank you, I kinda know (on my saner days) that i'm doing ok but it just takes a day like sunday to totally blow me away and self-doubt creeps back in big time.

DS1 was playing in his room one morning last week first thing and when i got up he shouted me through 'mum mum come see this....' Anyhow, I go through and he says to me 'He's died' (pointing to his wee plastic leopard)... 'but they (all his other toy animals/toy cars) have all come to see him' He'd pretty much simulated Gregor's funeral as he'd put all the other animals and cars in rows. I said to him... Did he have a mum and a dad? 'Yeah' (points to the biggest animals in the front row) Did he have a brother/sister? 'No' So I ask him if he (the leopard) did have a brother or sister how would he be feeling? Answer - "He'd really miss him but he'd want to keep remembering him" He totally blew me away with how he could re-enact something so difficult in such a straight-forward child-like way and just how much he clearly remembers from the funeral.

Good Luck with the weight loss. I know what you mean about back pain, weight just adds to it and generally makes us feel worse doesn't it. Much love xx

thanks ppm,in nine weeks we will have our fourth granddaughter.
your son is an incredible young man,kids remember so much i dont know how they cope, it worries me if things will surface in coming years ,i mean she is seven now,my granddaughter who is five doesnt seem to remember much,but the two year old who never met grandson often waves goodbye to him,and points at his photos and says his name.

Danny used to 'act out' his brothers funerals I think thats very normal for a child who has lost a sibling. Last week we sat talking and Danny asked about his twin brother for, what I think is, the first time. Wanted to know everything. I told him that I had Gareth weaned by about 3 months because he wasn't gaining weight just with his milk. He gazed at his picture and then burst into tears. He held Lew on his knee and sobbed and sobbed. He said 'OMG Mum, how the hell did you make it through? What if anything happens to Lew? 'I couldn't make it through I would rather not live myself.'

I re-assured him over and over again as best I could but I dont think it helped. I sat with my arms round my firstborn and Lew patted our backs and said 'Awwwww!'

oh shabs,how the hell do you do it,your amazing ,massive big hugs ,sorry you just made me cry.
i didnt think wed survive after jayden died, i often feel so bloody selfish because were alive and hes not.
he only ever smiled and laughed,never walked,crawled ,no christmas and no birthdays.its bloody shit.
i look at dd1 ,i dont know how she does it ,and im left a blubbering mess,shes amazing.

Thanks love - think I 'do it' because the only alternative is to give up. I cant give up because thats just not me. Im not pretending its easy even after all these years BUT I keep putting one foot in front of the other and remembering to breath - I cannot imagine your emotions - to loose a precious grandchild and for your child to be heartbroken is something that I cant comprehend xxx

thanks shabs,and thanks for helping me put one foot in front of otherxxxxxxxxx

yep another one crying here too shabs... I also believe it's really normal for a child who has lost a sibling to act out the funeral and all sorts of other parts of what has become their 'new normal' (Last spring he started a game of 'coffins' at nursery and had loads of other kids joined in.) It's been a really emotional week or so and i know another few are ahead but as you say all we can do is keep putting one foot in front of each other.

My relationship with my mum has improved loads with the support of my counsellor and you guys too. I think in the beginning it was too hard for her and i to even talk about the real stuff and how we felt individually let alone support each other in our own grief. DS1 spent the night at my folks last night - its the first night he's spent away from home since his wee brother died - as you said hazy he is incredible.

im so glad your relationship has improved wiyh your mum,mine is realy bad ,she cant understand why im so misrerable nowadays,but credit where its due my parents go and see jayden still ,with the outlaws you are not allowed to mention his name.
i bet you missed your little boy when he stayed at grandparents but it will do you good a little restxxx

Oh Shabs what a heartbreaking moment for you . And bless Lewis for giving you a little pat back

It is so hard when people say that they don't know how you cope or that there is no way that they could . You just have to don't you . What choice do we have ? I did have times when I thought about the alternative and I just couldn't do it , I couldn't put my dh through any more grief and I don't want my mum and dad to go join this club anymore than I want to be a part of it .

Hi all. I've been mega busy recently, and hoped to post yesterday evening but MN was down.

I'm not sure I have words of great comfort for anyone, but do know that when I don't have the time to post I'm still thinking of us all xxx

Dee I am officially a dickhead but I am so pleased that Tates tests have gone well
xxx

I love you all but I sm ser iously pissed xxx

Anyone want to come to my rescue
?

LOL @ TW - its usually me on here telling you all how much I love you TW just go with the flow darling....go with the flow xxx

Good morning all

I was as drunk as a drunk thing last night . Twas fab And I didn't smoke , have I mentioned that I have stopped smoking ?

How is everyone this morning ? I think I might have a bad head when I eventually wake up properly .

Morning girls xx

LOL TW there's nothing wrong with having a drink - and I think you are brilliant for stopping smoking - I know that I need to but I dont want to!!

Morning everyone x

Well Done for not smoking last night TW, that's fab x I did have a big chuckle when i saw your post from last night. get large quantities of water down you. This is my day 10 on my diet and still going strong.

That was always my problem before Shabs , I loved my cigs and just didn't want to stop , then something clicked and once I actually have wanted to stop rather than having to stop it has been easy (ish) .

ppm , well done on the diet , that is also my aim atm . I really don't want to stop smoking and end up with an even fatter backside than I already have .

I think I am going to have a quiet day today , have to go for another injection today then last one on friday . Then a day of slobbing around the house I think .

have you given up smoking tw??? must have missed that
seriously well done.. if you can do it when being a piss head you can do it at all other times

calling crumpette... I know you are busy but how are you doing .. you sounded so down on yourself last week