Our safe haven thread for bereaved mums and anyone who has been affected by the bereavement of a child - whatever age,

[shabbapinkfrog]

The most supportive, loving, loyal thread on Mumsnet - I wouldn't know what to do without all of you x

Hi shelley, good luck! Yes do tell them about the inquest, you don't need to go into details if you don't want to but they will let you have the time off and they will be very sympathetic. If you tell them about days off at the beginning they can't complain when the time comes! Rant away though, I feel like slapping on a daily basis

Thanks i did the job at the same club a few years ago so nothing special just a few extra quid coming in that will help. I've been up and told him about the time off in may. When i start tomorrow i'll say i have them coming up but dont kjnow when and i will need time off for them especially as Mum is going to have ds so i can do afternoons instead of evening. So will keep fingers crossed they'll let me change

afternoon girls,hope everyone ok,having tnite otf work as ive hurt my back,feel like everything has got on top of me at the moment,

Hazy Hope your back is soon better. My back has been bad since I was 14, someone pulled the chair out from under me in the hall at school. I have had two little girls after school. One eight and one four!! Crazy fun baking jammy buns!!

sounds great lottie save one for mex

Hi girls just had a message off Shans her computer has got a virus so is not on line tonight hiply fixed tomorrow xxx.

morning. using toms mac which is far too clever for me!! dan is fixing my pc tonight so hopefully will be back on then. Take care, see you all later xxx

Good morning all x

Glad to see you have found a way Shabs

Day 2 of the new no smoking me . Very happy x

well done tw. well im in bed because my back is hell.got two wheat bags,loads of tablets and movelat gel and i feel like a bloody wuss.

Just wanted to say that there's a photo now up on my profile page of my little 'uns. Only one person missing from it

They're gorgeous dee.

Lovely picture Dee and good luck for next weeks appointment.

I hope today is day 3 of no fags TW. Well done you. I count myself lucky that I've never been gripped by the evil weed.

Hello all

What a lovely pic Dee , it is so hard seeing them like that knowing there should be 4 eh ? I always think that when people make a point of doing a family pic at a party or christmas . I always think of the big gap that is missing .

Yes Day 3 today Ilike I am so pleased . I am going out tonight to a friends house for dinner and both friends who will be there smoke so that will be my first big test . I do feel like I can do it though which is a really good feeling .

Hiya everyone,

Hope you're feeling a bit better Hazy? Dee your pic is just lovely but it does feel so wrong knowing there should be another one xx

TW - Glad your holding up well kicking the ciggies, I totally get what you mean about feeling like you can do it. I started back on a diet last monday so i'm on day 6 of my particular habit-kicking!! Since Gregor died I've piled on all the stones i lost the year before he died (and there were many!) so here's to the start of my next journey.

I've been coping bit better this week as well. I think having Gregor's walk to focus on and doing something positive about my weight should mean I get through March and into April without ending up a total basket case.... well that's the theory anyway! Perhaps not so easy in practice!!

We've raised loads already online without even all the paper sponsor forms that have gone out - have a look at www.justgiving.com/walk-for-gregor to see what we're up to and see pics of my gorgeous wee lad - it's totally overwhelming and a wee bit weird to be honest but if it raises the profile of the SCDT, raises them some money and also makes the life of a bereaved parent more accesible to others in the process then i'll feel my wee lad would have been proud of me and his wee short life was not for nothing.

Hello all xx

LF a buddy would be marvellous I really recommend the Allen Carr dvd , it seems to have just turned a switch in my head and I can honestly say that I think I have beat it this time (fingers crossed and all that )-------------

ppm , I am sure Gregor is very proud of his lovely mum xxx

Hello everyone xx

Thanks TW I hope he is proud of me but somehow today i don't feel like he would be. Hit a real low point today. It'll be 11 months tomorrow and he died on a sunday so it feels so raw today. I'm snapping and shouting at ds1 today and took myself off out with him earlier to a friends house and i felt a bit better but now i still feel like i'm a shit mum.

I do know what you mean re something switching in your head - weight for me is all head stuff - if my head is in the zone then it usually works. Good luck xx

Anyone want to indulge me in some self-pity today?

ppm big hugs,i know how you feel.gregor ,what a lovely looking young man he is,well done on arranging walk ,just wish we didnt have to

Thanks Hazy, He was just gorgeous and we miss him so so much, his chatter, his singing, his cheekyness oh blimey i could go on and on ... arghhhh! I know today's just a down day and i'm just hoping i'll get back on the track again tomorrow. xx

ppm I know you dont think so right now but you are doing so well. The first year after I lost Fraser most days were teary

You are a perfectly good mum ..we all have days when we feel snappy and out of control- even mums who dont have our terrible road to walk

you might find you feel this way for a few days.. as time goes on the hard times get further apart and last less time

In the meantime be good to yourself- take time to acknowledge your grief and remember one foot in front of another and dont forget to breathe

another poor soul in need of some support

I have given her a link to our thread

another tragic loss

Thanks FM - heading to bed shortly so glad to see the end of today!! xx

Morning all xx

ppm I echo what fm said , even without this awful grief we have people get down and grumpy and snappy with their children it is the normal way of things . I do think we carry an extra guilt button because of our grief . Whenever I am cross with one of mine I do find myself thinking about Harry and of course I would have never had to be cross with him and what I would do to just have him here with me , and why can't I be as nice to these two as I would obviously be to him .

But the truth is that by now I am sure I would have had my moments with him too .

Be kind to yourself xx

Hi LF , yes I do have a sore throat this morning , v spooky . So now I know what it is thank you . How long is that supposed to last ?
I am actually still doing ok , I think I have just had enough of the whole smoking thing so I am just struggling with the cravings and withdrawal etc rather than feeling I am depriving myself which is normally my biggest problem .

Wednesday it is then for you You will do a grand job for sure xx