Our safe haven thread for bereaved mums and anyone who has been affected by the bereavement of a child - whatever age,

[shabbapinkfrog]

The most supportive, loving, loyal thread on Mumsnet - I wouldn't know what to do without all of you x

Hello all.

Shabs - glad you are feeling a teeny bit better today.

I have just over ten weeks to go and am having another boy. I did want a girl but I am not sad I am having a boy IYSWIM. I had my girl and she will always be my one and only this way.

I am going to be very outnumbered though

che wow just 10 weeks, I OD'd on chewy rennies for heartburn

I totally understand your feelings. I so wanted a girl but I have been thinking that now I have little DS , L will always be my girl and in a way I really like that she isn't being replaced by another girl, makes our relationship even more special if that makes sense.

shelley sounds like a good plan to wear the necklace and then explain if necessary, glad the airport were so helpful

there's something about me, I always get searched! I used to have my bags searched getting onto the tube at notting hill gate shortly after the terror attacks (I do not look like a terrorist, I promise you!) I used to be stopped at customs and was once 'searched' by scary lady in latex gloves in miami, and last time I flew, L was 7 months old and she was strip-searched, her nappy and everything ! poor thing, she didn't look like a terrorist either!!!

{{{Shabs}}} Like TW said, I think we all have those wobbles from time to time. I know I do. The way I deal with it is by refusing to speculate or second guess myself. I know in my heart of hearts that we made the best decisions for C with the information we had at the time. Maybe with hindsight they weren't always the best decisions, but we didn't have the knowledge of hindsight at the time. I try not to dwell on the what if's, because they are never going to change anything. I hope that makes some sense to you xxx

Che - wow I didn't realise you were so far along. How lovely , I bet you can't wait.

Lovely to see you WoollyJo - I can't believe you're 20 weeks already. I think what you're feeling regarding the new baby it totally normal tbh. I'm sure everyone who has had a stillborn daughter or son has had every thought you have. And even some people with no real reason to worry still do until the baby is born. I guess it's the brains way of protecting the heart.

TW - I hope the doc was of some use/help.

Oh and Crumpette I really don't think you would offend anyone with what you said

Hiya Everyone xx

Blimey we have had a busy couple of days... I was worried about you at the weekend Shabs, you were unusually quiet and it's not like you . Can't say anything the others haven't already said but hopefully the overwhelmingness (is that really a word!!) of yesterday has passed and you've had a steadier day today.

Thanks ILike, think it'll need more than a few crossed fingers (but I do appreciate them ). Been back on the clomid (both my boys were conceived on clomid) for 5 months already and nowt doing. Only got another one month of tablets left then some difficult decisions ahead Argghhhh fecking infertility is shit and so unfair when so many people are churning out kids and not appreciating them

Anyway I've had a bitch of a couple of days at work ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Better out than in. Don't want to talk about it on here but needless to say next week should be easier I hope!!

WoollyJo It's good to see you here - I've been watching your progress on your thread hoping to join you sometime but in the meantime just know i'm thinking of you often and hoping things go well xx

I was pleased about it. I cant check for the airport coming back as i dont know what country or airport ill be using lol

Good morning girls xx

Good morning x

Ilike I know on here I can talk nonsense and nobody will really mind, thank you the rest of MN is so bloody argumentative isn't it!?? I'm a bit scared of all other threads in case I put my foot in it

ppm what you said really touched me, I didn't realise you were taking clomid must be very hard for you after losing your darling Gregor. It's early days still. Are you doing anything else to assist conception? Do you think you are on the right dose? I know someone who was on clomid for months and no pregnancy and then had acupuncture at the same time and that month she got pregnant. My aunt had IVF last year and ended up usinga donor egg and finds it so very difficult because she tried to conceive for about 5 years and gets very cross when people don't appreciate how easily they can conceive. Argh I'm rambling nonsensically again, just wanted to say we are all here for you and please talk about it on here

shabs how are you doing?

shelley security is always much more erm, non existent relaxed in airports other than UK or US so I'm sure you'll be OK

Hiya Crumpette, Thanks for your kind words. I reread last nights post this morning and thought i sounded like a right old grumpy cow!! Got some decent sleep last night so bit better form this morning and no work today (I just work mondays and tuesdays) so today has to be a productive day!!

Don't think i've spoken about the clomid on here before, just felt really p'd off last night and needed a good old rant. I am on the right dose for me of the clomid, been scanned months 1 and 2 and had blood tests to prove I'm ovulating but am thinking stress/fate etc probably is playing a part. Have gained a load of weight too which doesn't help.

thanks crumpette thats good to know. I've only ever been ibiza (not counting school trip to france) and that was 5 years ago lol.

How is everyone today

afternoon girls,hope you are all ok.
ppm keeping everything crossed for you xxxxx

Hi ladies,

its been weeks since I last posted here (I lost my baby, Archie, about 5 weeks ago) I'm sorry for not contributing for a while.

I've been doing fine for a few weeks, bar a few wobbles, but today my colleague and good friend told me she is pregnant, with twins, and I feel like the walls have come down and I cant stop crying, its been hours now and I am still sobbing. I am just so jealous, and want my baby back so much. I miss him so, so much, and dont know what I can do to ever fill this hole.

I know theres nothing anyone can say to make it better, but is there anything I can do to make these feelings go away? Or is it all a matter of time?

Abi

Know exactly what you mean Abi. When I see twins I feel just like that - I feel total jealousy.

The thing is that your grief is so new, so gut wrenching - I remember how that felt. Keep posting on here and never think you will be judged by anybody - I think that the way you are feeling is one of the 'stages of grief' We are all here to help and support you my love.

I have had a tough time these last few days - older grief bit my arse big time xxxx

Thanks Shabs, I'm so sorry you've felt low lately, I truly hope you feel better soon.

I told another colleague that I would like to conceive again soon and she started outling all the factors standing against me - stress etc - and it felt like a kick in the teeth. Tonight I feel like I will never have another baby of my own, and it hurts so so much.

Sorry, I am really wallowing tonight, hope you're all well.

hugs, and a g&t, to shabs too xxx

where the hell is my post from 2 days ago???
fm wonders if there are people on a thread somewhere saying eh??? what the hell are you on about fm??

anyway moving on. Abi 5 weeks is very very early days of course you are going to be upset by new pregnancies, new babies etc

I remember someone in my work had a son on fraser's due date... there son was 8 weeks early and was fine (eventually). I was pleased that the little one was ok but I couldnt help thinking "he took my baby's place in this world"

Time doesnt heal it just makes the hurt easier to live with. Right now you will be doing well to get by hour by hour never mind weeks at a time

You will find as the years go by your sad days will get less frequent and you will have longer good spells between the bad

In the meantime.. baby steps honey baby steps, take time to grieve in your own way and remember we have all been there..whatever you post on here someone will say oh yeah I felt that

Oh my word I think I am pie eyed!!! My beloved Manchester City just lost to Manchester United. I am a proper tomboy when it comes to football....yes, there are much more important things in this world...but football is my little escape.

I entered a competition on Facebook on Monday. It was on the Manchester City facebook site. The prize was a family ticket to the TNA wrestling at the MEN arena in Manchester this Friday.....I WON the ticket!!!! Tom almost wet himself with excitement - he loves wrestling, with a passion. So on Friday myself and Tom and Chelle and her 8 year old son are venturing into Manchester for a night out LOL. Tom knows but Chelles son doesn't cant wait to see his face. The tickets value is about £160

Congrats Shabba, you are definitely a deserving winner. Have a fab time xx

Thank you Abi - my lad, Tom, is beside himself with excitement xx

shabs from the highlights it looked a spectacular game. I hate not having sky sports i too am a tom boy when it comes to the football. I shout at the tv i give my dad a run for his money when we are together. We watched the first leg together at my parents drinking jd as it was 3 months without my loving gorgeous big ickle bro. congrats on the tickets what a great prize

shabs that is fantastic,it couldnt have gone to a better person,xx
hope everyone ok,ive just been informed im been moved off mental health unit i work on ,have done thisunit for fourteen years to a gerertric unit but lately there has been a lot of pallative care ,i rung manager and ranted i cant do bloody this,she says ill be great have years of experience to give ,but i feel i go to pieces when someone passes away,i dont see relief ,i see the hurt left behind ,so i havent slept much. i start on tuesday so please girls wish me well.
the last poor woman whos mum passed away,we were each holding her mums hand,she looked at her daughter ,smiled and then was gone,honest i stood there blubbering unable to do anything, and i honestly felt so crap ,it doesnt leave you,
sorry girls needed a rant typexxx