My ickle big brother. [sad]

[shelleylou]

My brother was killed early hours of this morning. Dont know too many details as an investigation has been opened only that he would have died almost instantly and he's unmarked.
I feel so guilty i wasnt there for him when he needed me (always been like that with each other)I woke up with a start about that time and knew this morning that something was very wrong. Im going to mortuary later to see him, im dreading it as its going to make it seam more real but i have to do it for him id never forgive myself if i didnt. Atm it doesnt seam real its all just abad dream. RIP bro love you loads

that is what i said to my parents i want to do and they agree taking it to his memorial do for everyone to do.

So so so sorry

im dreading the next week his memorial do and funeral. Seen the proof of his coffin and he would most deffinitely approve, got a model today of his dream bike which will be in his hands

Wish I could make this easier for you and your family. Sometimes weird stuff happens to ordinary folk. When it is my turn to shuffle off this mortal coil I want to have 'Dont stop me' Queen playing when they bring my coffin in....I want people to laugh AND cry in equal measure. I want 'No matter what' by Boyzone played - my sons have both been bullied at high school and that song says everything I ever want to be said about our relationship.

Oh my darling - be kind to yourself.

There is no point in 'dressing this up' if you need me for anything my email address is sharondothillmanatntlworld.com!! Usually always around on Mnet. xxxx

Still doesnt seam real. I dont think it helps that he still isnt home. Been told we cant see him til tues afternoon, gives us a day and a half to see him.

(shabs you are awesome xx)

Awww thank you - just trying to get through all this 'stuff' in one piece xxxx

hope today has been ok shell. just to remind you to make sure you're in between 10 and 12 tomorrow

hello Shellylou, just wanted to say hello and i am still thinking of you, x

We found out db was back and had been since wednesday but no one told us. We're fuming DB has hosipitals and would feel like we'd forgotten about him. I hope hes seen the greif and knows that we hadnt been told. Still trying to find a poem for him from me and my other brother to say at his funeral but none so far are right. Look at page 2 of paper today always. Ill be in still not dressed better throw something on in a few minutes. Got to get his book today ready for tomorrow night. Still got to sort flowers too

saw the article online last night - lovely photo of him

That's crap they never told you he was back .

i looked last night and it wasnt there. I knew pretty much what it was going to say as we proofed it. Thats him through and through so many people have said about his smile

ahh well it was about 1am I saw it so could explain it .

You can tell he's your brother

that could explain it i wa trying to sleep at that time. Thanks i cant see it as much as when we were younger but mum said there would be no mistaking me and db for anyone but his siblings on sunday. I'd go mental if someone asked how i knew him

The Dash

Wonder if this is any use to you? xx

i like that, think we could use that and say something more personal. That poem seams to give a final thought at the end. Will show it to my bro see what he thinks

So sorry shellylou, hope you get some answers xx

No idea when we'll get answers, depends on police investigation and the inquest. Which has been adjourned but we didnt get a date for it anyway

Usually takes a while love for the inquest. They (Police) dont always keep you informed of the date. Keep in touch regularly with them. My lads inquest was about 6 months after his accident but we only found out because the 'arresting PC' who dealt with the case was a very thoughtful bloke.

we've been told it can take months. With having no date at all or a specified time limit it makes it harder as we dont know where to work to.

Exactly - you kind of build yourself up to longing for the answers - the answers that will explain everything....its a horrible 'limbo' time. I used to feel like my head would explode with the longing for the truth and someone or something to blame.

i know we're never going to get all the answers but need some.

I just want to thank always who has just filled my freezer to overflowing and filled my fridge and cupboards to. Thank you so much for your thoughts and generosity.

that should be thank you to always

You're welcome - can't do anything else to help you but could at least make sure you had something to eat and not have to worry about doing a shop

hadnt even thought of doing a shop, just went round for paper, tobacco etc dp picked most of the things we needed up