Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 22/08/2009 12:29

Im fine thanks my love My friend is one of 6 - each of those 6 kids has a minimum of 2 children - two of the brothers have 6 children each You can see where I am going with this cant you???????

It was great fun being in such a big extended family. Loads of food eaten, loads of beer drunk and plenty of singing and dancing.

Made me realise how big our parties would be with 4 sons and their partners and their children....

frasersmummy · 22/08/2009 15:54

This is what people who have never been through it dont get ...Its a lifetime we live with the pain of what might have been... a whole lifetime

Ross was relly good at his swimming lesson today .. he was in a class of 4 and they had to do each thing one at a time. When it wasnt his turn he sat quietly with his legs crossed and waited... I wouldnt have believed he could be so well behaved.. why doesnt he do that for me???

shabbapinkfrog · 22/08/2009 16:13

Cause you are his Mammy!!! He sounds so lovely xxx

I wasn't sad last night just envious that all those grown up brothers and sisters enjoyed each others company and loved each other. You are right when you say its a lifetime...a lifetime of longing xx

hazygirl · 22/08/2009 18:00

afternoon girls hope you ok,it is a lifetime of longing

lottiejenkins · 22/08/2009 18:39

Hi all, have had a mad couple of days out last night, went to Snape Maltings to see this fantastic lady!!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PZDD_Zt6MA

Then tonight im going to a wedding reception of some lovely friends of mine Sophie and Darren, Darren and Wilf get on fantastically well together, some men dont know how to handle Wilf and shoot six feet into reverse when he goes towards them, Darren on the other hand goes into first gear and knows exactly how to deal with Wilf, earlier this year when ManU and Chelsea were playing Wilf put "ManU are rubbish in my FB profile!!" Darren commented after "Wilfred behave your Mum did not bring you up to talk like that!"

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 23/08/2009 07:24

Hi Ladies, I'm back

Gawd I'm knackered though! M decided to wake up at 6 this morning

Will catch up on the thread now.

shabbapinkfrog · 23/08/2009 10:04

Morning girls - welcome back Moveit xxxxx

lottiejenkins · 23/08/2009 12:53

Remind me not to drink Sambuca again!!

travellingwilbury · 24/08/2009 07:00

Good morning everyone x

Welcome back Ilike

Hope you have recovered now Lottie

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 24/08/2009 08:42

Morning all

Thanks for the welcome back. France was great. The style of holiday (driving over, staying in a gite) really worked for us. We'll defo do it again. We had days by the pool and went out visiting too, so a great combination.

I have just dropped the butter dish lid on my toe and it really hurts. You know when it hurts so much you can't even cry or scream?? It was like that.

Let's hope the day improves We've got some friends and their kids coming over today, so I'm sure it will.

shabbapinkfrog · 24/08/2009 08:52

Morning girls xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 24/08/2009 23:16

Hope everyone is ok xxx

travellingwilbury · 25/08/2009 07:37

Good morning everyone x

Ok here thanks Shabs , It is Harrys birthday in Oct so I am beginning to feel the build up to that already but at the minute it's just a wee blip .

How are you doing ?

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 25/08/2009 08:31

Oh TW, that build up feeling is awful isn't it? I guess the only good thing is you know that when it is Harry's birthday there will be some feeling of release.

Pah, it's just shit isn't it.

Love to us all xxx

travellingwilbury · 25/08/2009 08:39

It is shit Ilike

And to rub salt in just a wee bit my friend has a little boy who will be two in the same day . Having to be a grown up and writing a birthday card is doubly shite

shabbapinkfrog · 25/08/2009 09:38

Morning girls xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 25/08/2009 09:44

Morning Shabs. How you doing love?

Yes it is doubly shite. It's no ones fault but that doesn't make it any less shite.

There is a girl in our village who was born the same day and year as C and I just find it really difficult to interact with her. It's not her fault, it's something within me. I try to get over myself but I just can't.

hazygirl · 25/08/2009 11:21

i know jayden would be starting nursery next month and i see all the ones born same time and think why the heck did it have to happen,big hugs

lottiejenkins · 25/08/2009 11:47

I have found all the milestones with Jack hard as my niece and my godson are the same age. We are off to London for the night later on. Speak to you all tomorrow!

shabbapinkfrog · 25/08/2009 14:04

Certainly know where you all coming from girls. I keep seeing Matts classmates with their own new babies its wonderful to see them but it certainly tugs on the heart strings sooooo much.

...and, as for Gareth, well like many of your precious babies he never made it to school, I often wonder if he had been born recently would he have been able to have the vital surgery he needed. Back in 1981 I was told he would have to reach 2 years or get to 20lbs in weight before they would even think of the surgery.

Ohhh my precious boys - wish they were physically here.

hazygirl · 25/08/2009 18:46

aw shabs ,its crappy innit i will be coming up your end next month for candles in colne

frasersmummy · 25/08/2009 22:04

Hi all

I second the emotion that its shite...andits really hard not to torture ourselves with what ifs and if onlys

I dont have words of wisdom but I am holding you all close and sending love to you all

I flipped out the other day .. I was cleaning out a cupboard and I found my blue book from when I was pregnant with Fraser.. there was an entry for 5 April in the comments it said both well!!!

There was also an appt card for the 19th of April to see my consultant which obv we didnt make.

do we have a volunteer for another thread yet..

shabbapinkfrog · 25/08/2009 23:13

I wouldnt mind doing it but I have already had a turn....please, all of you, let me know if you think thats ok.

travellingwilbury · 26/08/2009 06:45

Good morning all x
fm , what a kick in the stomach that must have been

How is everyone ? We all seem to have gone quiet at the min . Hopefully it means everyone is doing ok xx

That is fine and dandy with me Shabs

shabbapinkfrog · 26/08/2009 08:13

Morning girls. Morning TW - its raining and freezing up here - seriously wondering about putting the central heating on xx