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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
frasersmummy · 03/07/2009 21:07

evening all.. not much happening here.. have just sat down with a glass of wine

Ross and I are off to see lazytown live tomorrow at 11am. I remember when outings to the theatre were a cultural event!!

lottiejenkins · 03/07/2009 21:35

Im having a crap time with BT!! bloody bloody company!!

shabster · 04/07/2009 07:09

Morning girls xx

frasersmummy · 04/07/2009 16:04

hi all

get shot of bt lottie they are just a pain..!

its gone awful quiet the last wee while.. I hope you are all busy with kids on holiday and not hiding from the world

shabster · 04/07/2009 16:20

little bit of both FM xx

lottiejenkins · 04/07/2009 17:46

How was Lazytown FM? Did Sporticus do his thing for you? Wilf would love to go and see Sister Act i think!

shabster · 05/07/2009 09:07

Good morning girls xx

frasersmummy · 05/07/2009 19:44

hiya

been out all day enjoying the sunshine

lazytown was really good.. Ross had eyes like saucers...

I would reccomend it to any of you with preschool kids

woollyjo · 05/07/2009 20:03

Hi

Sadly calling in for the first time.

my little girl, Niamh, would have been 5 days old today.

Family has been round and we opened a bottle of fizz in celebration of her birth (we did the same with her sister now 2.5).

Feeling sick, sad and empty ...

chegirl · 05/07/2009 20:33

Hello Woollyjo. I am so very very sorry that you have had to join us here. I read about your little girl with great sadness.

You are very welcome here and I know you will find comfort and support. We cannot fix this terrible wrong but we can be here for you.

This is a very gentle thread and a haven for us all.

Thinking about you and your little Niamh x

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 05/07/2009 20:43

Welcome WoolyJo.

I'm so sorry to hear about your darling Niamh. It feels like just such a bloody big waste doesn't it?

It's still so so recent for you. It's all consuming and you can't think of anything else. But that will get better, I promise you.

It's lovely to hear you celebrated her birth. It's nice that you have been able to acknowledge Niamh.

Please come here whenever you need it, and write whatever you want to say. I am positive that whatever you are feeling had been experienced by at least one of us.

Take care xxx

shabster · 06/07/2009 00:35

Woolyjo - have held you close in my thoughts for days......so glad you came to join our special thread. So very, very sorry about the loss of your DD. It is all such crap - we all walk the road together...we wander around not knowing what are the right things to say. We are all friends here. We all know that life will never be the same again - it will be different...with each others help we will survive. Hang around my darling - other lovely mums will support and help you. Im just so glad you came to have a gab. xxxxxxxxx

shabster · 06/07/2009 06:54

Good morning girls xx

Deemented · 06/07/2009 07:45

Morning folks - sorry i've been awol - been on my hols to Tenby. Hope to catch up on this thread today x

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 06/07/2009 08:14

Morning all, Sad and happy week this week. Eight years ago on Weds since my dh died. I will be in London all day with Antonia but will be thinking of him. Friday is Wilfs birthday he will be 13! When i think back to when he was born it seems such a long time ago. I dont know if i ever said, he nearly died when he was three weeks old. One Monday morning he started having these terrible fits in his pram, the GP was on his way for a social call as he had been on hols when Wilf was born, poor man got a call saying theres an emergency get their quick. He said not to wait for the ambulance but to go in the car. Frank got us 25 miles to the hospital in 20 minutes. Theres never a patrol car on the main road when you want one. When we got him there they did an EEG on him, a brain scan and the worst thing a lumbar puncture, which was really horrible. They kept him until he the Friday and we never did find out what was wrong. He still has occasional absent seizures.

shabster · 06/07/2009 10:14

OMG Lottie - a happy and sad week for you. Will be thinking about you xxxxx

Olissa · 06/07/2009 13:09

Hello everyone, I've been a bit absent too and will catch up properly later, but wanted to say
hello to Woolyjo and I'm so sorry you lost little Niamh - I've only just seen your other thread.
Well done Wilf on his belt, hope he has a lovely birthday
Will pop back and read properly/update on me later! x

lottiejenkins · 06/07/2009 18:19

Im waiting for the GP to call me, im thinking about referring Wilf for bereavemtn counselling, he got very upset again yesterday when i wasnt feeling well.

lottiejenkins · 07/07/2009 08:05

Morning xx

shabster · 07/07/2009 08:34

Morning girls xx

lottiejenkins · 07/07/2009 08:41

Hi Shabs, ive spoken to my lovely GP. He is going to look into what can be done for Wilf. The problem will be a) finding counselling b) finding an interpreter .............. I am going to ring Winstons Wish as well. He was sleepwalking last week at school last week which is an indication of stress with him. Its so sad that his dad died so close to his birthday, he remembers everything, he told me I tried to wake dadda up then i called for you.... He can remember who was at the house and everything. He was only five at the time.

shabster · 07/07/2009 09:10

Awwww poor Wilf. Our Danny gets very tearful around his brothers birthdays and remember days and he is 27, but the pain doesn't magically disappear does it?

It certainly cant do any harm IMO. Dan also started sleep walking after Matt was killed.

The death of a beloved child certainly is like throwing a stone in a lake - the consequences and emotions ripple outwards and affect many, many people. Not just family but friends and acquantances.

Olissa · 07/07/2009 11:36

Morning... hope the GP finds someone to help Wilf, it is very sad that his Dad died so close to his birthday . My uncle died on my sister's birthday when she was about seven (my uncle was only in his forties) and she finds that upsetting... but of course for Wilf it's much worse. I hope he gets the help he needs.
Che, has the school concert happened yet? I hope you got it sorted.
I went to hospital on Friday and they want to scan me every four weeks from 24 weeks 'to check growth for reassurance'. I have no idea why, as I don't think either DS or DD had growth problems! I was scanned about four days before DD was born (expectant management as she was so late - born at 42 + 4) and the doctor said then she was much smaller than DS but still within 'normal' parameters. Then she was 1lb heavier than they'd said when she was born (although still 1lb lighter than DS). I don't think I'll be 'reassured' until the baby is born and home at least, so I'm not sure what to do.
DS told his keyworker at nursery that mummy had a baby in her tummy and it made her dizzy
Crumpette, I can't decide whether to find out if this one is a girl or boy or not. I didn't find out either of the other times. Too many decisions!
Love to all x

lottiejenkins · 07/07/2009 20:21

Ive just heard from Wilfs school that they have cancelled Sports Day and prizegiving because of Swine Flu!! I have the option of keeping him at home on Sunday or sending him back and have decided to send him back, some parents are and some aren't. Some of the other boys are stirring him right up and saying he is going to get SF!!! So he is panicking now! I have told him he has presents to give to staff and he should go back! Im very disapointed as i wont see him getting his prize!!

lottiejenkins · 08/07/2009 07:07

Morning all. Remembering Frank eight years ago today xx
www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0WFsnxECDU