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Bereavement

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Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 01/07/2009 07:50

Hi Shabs, Morning all, xx

lottiejenkins · 01/07/2009 08:29

Ladies, i have just found this sad thread, I think this lady could do with hearing from us......... Will link to here too.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/782621-I-have-never-made-so-many-people-cry#scriptmsg

shabster · 01/07/2009 08:38

I saw that last night Lottie - selfish as it sounds I couldn't post on the thread I just had Matt on my mind and wanted to sit and think about him. xx

shabster · 01/07/2009 08:40

Have posted and hope that the OP comes to chat with us....her story is so sad x

lottiejenkins · 01/07/2009 09:00

Someone posted on there and said how can you have had 2 miscarriages and a baby already this year? How insensitive is that? [grr] Obviously the OP made a mistake and meant last year,,,,,,,,, why are people so quick to jump on mistakes?

frasersmummy · 01/07/2009 10:18

morning everyone

as you can see the broadband switchover went smoothly

how are you today shabs... did you raise a glass to your matt last night ??

shabster · 01/07/2009 10:59

Lottie - I noticed that comment as well

FM - Yes, I raised a glass to my darling lad....so did my friends (in their own houses) and my friend Nikos 2,500 miles away in Greece. We all 'set our watches' for 10pm and said Cheers to him

lottiejenkins · 01/07/2009 18:39

This is how i spent my afternoon
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/782972-To-be-annoyed-about-this

Lots of tears as well!!!!

shabster · 02/07/2009 06:43

Good morning girls xx

That is just crap poo Lottie - hope you manage to get it sorted xx

lottiejenkins · 02/07/2009 11:11

Morning ladies im off here and here tonight!!
www.english-heritage.org.uk/server/show/nav.12651

www.suffolkcamra.co.uk/pubs/pub/844

I have a feeling it will be a dry evening for Ali and I as we are going with the local Baptist Ladies Group

frasersmummy · 02/07/2009 12:20

chegirl...

are you lurking??? I have just seen your other thread and omg.. some people just dont think do they??

please come and let us all know what the outcome is...

oh and for the rest of you who are intrigued

Eejit school

chegirl · 02/07/2009 17:51

You are a darling frasersmummy. I have just posted the next instalment on that thread. I didnt want to do it directly on here because this is our haven.

I am taking my little dog to our training club soon and that calms me down.

Feel very resentful because I have had to take some medication and I dont do that very often now.

I hate confrontation. This sort reminds me of how I used to have to stick my neck out when Billie was in hospital. YOu dont want to be horrible but you HAVE to say something when all you want to do is get on with things.

I hope everyone is ok today.

hazygirl · 02/07/2009 18:31

chegirl, big hug and look after yourselfx

crumpette · 02/07/2009 19:50

Hey everyone sorry I have been a bit flakey! Back at work for a month now since DD died in April they have treated me like cr*p and made lots of sick jokes about death and babies and undertakers etc (which Ive ranted about already) but what took the biscuit last week was someone forwarding an email with photographs of dead babies in it, something re China, but so many photos of actual dead babies. These people know what has happened ffs! I don't mean to whinge but it's getting ridiculous. What's worse is that I just got my payslip and they've reduced my salary by 2k, which is outrageous as my contract of employment has been continuous for over 3 years. OK I know I took time off with dd but all they called it was 'extended maternity leave'- argh sorry to vent.

How is everybody?

I had my first pregnancy scan last week, sonographer said he was sure it was a boy. Of course silly me wanted an identical little girl to dd I feel so ungrateful saying I wasn't happy, because baby is v healthy in there kicking away,and of course I'm happy that it's OK, but so disappointed that it won't be her coming back!

God I sound nuts!!!

Sorry xxx

crumpette · 02/07/2009 19:58

chegirl, just saw that thread- hug to you I cannot believe that would be arranged without consulting you at all that's pretty outrageous x

frasersmummy · 02/07/2009 20:06

crumpette.. you are not mad at all.. however it sounds like you are surrounded by nutters at work..wtf.. some people are insensitive but your workmates sound compleely horrible... wish I had words of wisdom

I remember when they told me Ross was a boy I was upset because I didnt want to face him looking just like Fraser.. I thought a change of sex would be better... just goes to show we all handle it differently

Ross and I went to Frasers garden today ... I took some flowers but because its soo suny there was no water in his pots. I was going down to the tap and I said out loud.. these pots need some water Fraser. 2 mins later the heavens opened and it poured...

frasersmummy · 02/07/2009 20:15

chegirl..I have been back on your other thread but just wanted you to know .. I will remember you all in my prayers tonight

its weird how i cant say that on other threads... guess we are all sentimental fools on here

crumpette · 02/07/2009 20:18

frasersmummy thanks for the reassurance that I'm not mad! Just looked at my phone on which I have a video of her dancing in January just before she got ill, about 2 days before, but I found a video that I swear wasn't there before of her a night in hospital calling out and a lullaby playing and she's looking at her little hand and wiggling her fingers but is so weak sorry I only found it this evening! Am a wreck, hearing her soft little voice

Sorryy!! Yeah I guess since she died I have just been hoping that, somehow, she will come back and she's not really gone, and that maybe just maybe she'd be back as the new baby!

Now that is mad!!!

It's so nice that it rained after you said that, strange things happen. My work are being appalling, I'm really nice I don't know why!! Honestly I am! lol! and DP just refuses to even hear DD's name he is 'sick of it' and 'has forgotten'. Nice.

chegirl · 02/07/2009 20:48

Crumpette - you are not mad. I cannot believe those creatures you work with. I dont know what to say.

I didnt know if I wanted a girl or boy. I miss having a girl so much but I was really scared how I would cope with a baby who looked the same as DD. As it happens my DS3 couldnt look more like her if he was a girl!

FM thank you x

And thanks all for your support x

lottiejenkins · 02/07/2009 22:19

PROUD MUMMA ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WILF HAS JUST WON HIS ORANGE KARATE BELT!!!

shabster · 02/07/2009 22:29

Yeah GO WILF - well done my buddy

Having a hard time with Facebook tonight!!! It wont let me do anything on it - can only read my profile page - it is DRIVING ME MAD!!!

lottiejenkins · 02/07/2009 22:37

Thanks Shabs, Ive set up a page on Chat to tell people who dont know about him!!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/783861-Proud-Mumma-Alert

shabster · 03/07/2009 06:43

Good morning girls xx

giraffescantdancethetango · 03/07/2009 08:39

Morning. Well done wilf

Just wanted to share this song - makes me cry, but thats because it makes me feel like I am holding Rosie - which is nice. here Its beautiful

Lyrics -

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

lottiejenkins · 03/07/2009 08:59

I love this song too!!! Was on the soundtrack to the film Michael as well.