Cole's thread for bereaved muumies: like the sands on the beach that never wash away. I watch over my surviving mum, who thinks of me each day.

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Welcome to our santuary and haven ladies.

Many thanks for Frasersmummy for passing the baton onto Cole and I. I am touched and hope I can do all our lo's justice.

For any people wanting to join, don't be shy. We cry, we rant, we smile, we laugh - whatever we feel like we need to do.

Evening girls xx Im late coming on tonight. Been a weird day - just weird.

go on shabs what you been up to now

One of you girls, not Lighthouse or Shabs has added me on FB..........i dont know which of you it is and wont say your "proper name" but thanks!!!

clue is in name ,xx

Just been an odd day. DH is on his period I think - most of the time I laugh stuff off and pretend Im fine - BUT couldn't be bothered today.....so we have both sat here feeling sorry for ourselves

Ta Everlong - I needed that!

oh shabs big hug,xxx i have tin of roses join me im scoffing big time with stress,ds done fourteen days now,ended up in hospital monday when trapped finger in cab a bit of mess,what a start to 2009

Im so proud of your DS - thats a long time - I hope he goes from strength to strength - I know he doesn't know me but will you give him a hug from me? Thank you xx

i will do he is a good lad, honestx

Thanks hazy xx

thanks lottiexxx

Anyone else feel completely wiped out after that thread last night/this morning? Or is it just me?

I have felt down all day - kind of a not arsed with anything feeling. When you have had a few run ins with fools on MN you sort of learn how to be calmer but more sarcastic when you are 'debating.' There is at least one thread per month like that - they always involve the same people, the playground bullies who stir the shite and then walk away. You did a good job Dee - made people think with your words. Well done love xx

Theres a lady called Twistin whos just posted on the other thread.......does someone want to send her in our direction? I would but im off to bed xx

Done it Lottie. Night night love, sleep tight xx

Dee - loads of ladies leaving you messages on the other thread. You have changed one ladies views with your messages. xxxxxxx

Good night, God bless girls....see you in the morning xxxx

Good morning girls xx

Good morning everyone xx

Morning folks.

I saw the messages on the other thread. I wasn't trying to change peoples minds in the first instance... just give them an idea of the reality of being a mother whose son has died. But i'm glad that some people have seen what i was trying to say and taken it on board.

What are you all up to today? I've got a constipation nurse coming out this morning - boyo has severe bowel problems caused by a tiny lump near the bottom of his spine, and suffers from chronic constipation. He's been like this since he came home from NICU, near enough, so i've been dealing with this for almost four years now, so i'm not exactly sure what this nurse will be able to advise - should be fun listening to her nonetheless.

This may sound like a bit of a weird question - but where do you all stand on the God/Heaven/Hell issue? If you don't mind me asking? I know some people find great faith and comfort, but i can't say as i'm one of them.

God/Heaven/Hell - I dont take great comfort from any of it either Dee. I do believe there has to be something after this life - has to be, whats the point of it all otherwise? My Matt had dislexia and struggled to read and write. Just before his accident (two days before) when he was almost 8 he asked my mum 'Gran when we die I think there is a signpost that says heaven and hell - what am I going to do because I cant read.' At first my mum tried to laugh it off and said 'by the time you die I will have been long gone and I will wait for you and show you the way.'

He wasn't satisfied with that and they spent the next hour trying to teach him the words. Eventually he said 'Oh I get it the little word is hell and the big one is heaven....right I will remember that you never know when you will need to read it.'

Wow Shabster... How phrophetic.

Matt sounds like he was an amazing young man - thank you for sharing him with me.

I struggle a lot with the whole heaven and god thing. Putting it simply, i really can't believe in any of that... it's not that i don't want to - i've just feel that any faith i had died with Ciaran. We found out so early on that he was likely to die, and coming from a big Irish catholic family, it felt like nearly everyone was praying for us... my Aunt was saying novenas every week, and the priest remembered him in his prayers every week...so many people were paying for him and it felt like god had just chosen not to listen to any of that. Sigh. I'm waffling now, aren't i?

No you are not waffling at all. I dont understand why take a child from a loving family. Never, ever will do. I have asked people of different faiths why - none of them have ever give me a good answer that satisfied me.

Matt was hysterically funny - he could not pronounce his r's - they came out as w's so that his 'girlfriend' Rebecca was 'Webecca Wed Wibbons (she always had red ribbons in) 'Oh mum I just wov her, she has got wovwey wed wips and I kissed her woads of times.' He loved rude jokes, girls, sport, 'back to the future' films, and his favourite song was 'Pump up the jam'

Gareth was a fighter. He rarely had to go into hospital and had a temper to match no other!!!! He had red hair and was the image of my grandson Lewis. He was as bright as a button and mimicked people from a couple of months old. He was a sweet soul. I wish he could have been around longer - he had a presence about him.

I realy dont know where I stand on the heaven hell, god etc.

I find comfort in thinking that there is a heaven when Fraser is being looked after and even greater comfort when I think about meeting Fraser there
I tell Ross fraser is in heaven and he will meet him one day

but then..when something bad happens and people say trust in god and it will all be ok I want to scream how can you ask me to trust in God when he let Fraser die.

I know its totally contrary thats why I say I dont really know where I stand iyswim