Fraser's thread for bereaved mummies: Death leaves a heartache no-one can heal - Love leaves a memory no-one can steal

[frasersmummy]

Hello my good friends

Its lovely to be asked to set up our new support tread especially as we head towards our first festive season supporting each other.

I hope Frasers part of the journey is as smooth as Eris, Jack and Matt&Gareths

Everlong - have you thought about Cruse berevement care at all?

When my son died, i saw a wonderful lady who helped me more than i thought possible. Then when hubbs died and then my mum soon after... well, lets just say she's kept me sane.

Probabaly need to do some research into what would be best for you everlong. The past couple of months have been so intense for you, so much has happened in such a small time frame. If I did not post on your original thread, I most certainly have been watching from the sidelines.

It must still all feel as if it's not real and not happening to you but to somebody else. Have you got good RL friends to help you day to day ?

I'm sorry your friends have withdrawn from you at such an awful time.

You just cannot simply be getting on with life, your world has stopped turning for the time being.

Keeping strong as a family unit is vital. To say that Oliver is dead out loud is probably you coming to some kind of realisation that that is what has happened and it's all becoming a bit more real.

Like I said the time scales in which all of this has happened (including his birthday) are so very short.

Be easy on yourself, expect very little of yourself. If getting through each day seems so awful just focus on the hour or 15 minutes that you are in and then the next and so on.

Hope you did not think I was preaching everlong, just a tiny, teeny weeny insight into grief.

Good night to you and it was my pleasure to be here with you, thank you for sharing Oliver with me.

Night night and enjoy the tory at 7am

I am home my friends...stone cold sober....Everlong - Ladies front bum or Vagina as she calls herself has become the closest of friends I have never met in real life. I am so pleased that she was here to keep you company. 27 years ago tonight I learnt my dear Gareths fate in life. I found out he had two big holes in his heart and that his lungs weren't developing properly and that his pulmonary valve was crap and just not working. I hate New Years Eve. I have spent the night with my dear, dear friend Chelle. Vagina rang me and made me cry.....she usually makes me LOL but she sounded lost and lonley. I dont understand why awful stuff happens to good people...I dont want to understand.

I just try and comfort myself with the fact that my two grown up lads are with Oli and V's brother.....I hope they have got so drunk, in heaven, that they have been sick everywhere and St. Peter has to clean it up

.....and tomorrow morning 01.01.09 we will all be back here again trying to make sense of all the crap we deal with. Good night, God bless girls.......I miss you my precious boys xxxx

big hugsxxwell girls what a bloody start mil still in hospital,and then today ds calls on way into hospital ,possible liver problems caused by his drinking,dh at work ,i dont drive and most of my old friends have gone, i didnt need them,pushed everyone away i suppose,but sons girlfriend sent her mum round to pick me up and see son.spent all afternoon waiting for tests xrays everything.ds is in agony they injected him with something to stop vomitting as been vomitting a lot of blood.
he has been admitted for second time to alcohlics ward,on entry to here i just burst into tears its full of young men,just yellow from booze,i didnt want to leave him,dr says thats next step for son,please god no ,dh says i have to accept he is an alcoholic, he left home after our little man died it wasnt the happy house he grew up in anymore,i just want my old life back,sorry im rambling girls been up for ages ,dh asleep,dd party last nite so slept out but i need it off my chest,i realy want this year betterxx

So sad for you hazy girl.Hope this year will be better for every one.People drink when they are in pain in the mind and heart..I know its not fair on those around them.Awfull stuff does happen to good people.We can only hope we do our best in life the crap that goes with it is unfair.Hope 2009 is kinder to all MNS.We all live in hope?GOD BLESS XX

Oh Hazy - so sorry about your son. 'There for the grace of God go I' I drank to excess for 6 months after Matt. I knew it wasn't the answer but I still did it. Hope they can sort him out at the hospital. Sending my love and thoughts to you xxxxxxxxxx

Morning Everlong - VS is a good listener and it helps that she is barking mad I was glad that she was here for you last night. xxxxx

Morning all..........sorry to hear about your troubles hazy..........i eventually fell into bed at 2am!!! I am now suffering big time for it! Ive told Wilf that Mummy has a sore head and got one of those "oh yeah mum and i bet i know why" looks!!!

Evening all........anyone about? We are going to watch Wallace and Gromit at 7 as we missed it on Christmas Day much to Wilfs disgust.he couldnt understand why BBC1 didnt work in France when BBC News 24 did!

I'm about. Not for long as i need to bath the baby (in the sink!) and i need to clean my cooker as a womans coming to collect it tomorrow - i swapped shopped it - kinda like freecycle - in exchange for packing boxes and bubble wrap!!!

ooh demented ... i'm glad vs was here for you last night

I cant say it anybetter then she did..its really early days.. justtake time to aknowlege your grief do whatever feels right for you

we have all been there.. and although we dont have answers we can all say oh god yes I felt that way too.... its normal.. it does help keep you sane

shabster... I dunno what to say knowing your child was suffering and there was nothing you could do to help must have been hell on earth.. I feel useless co you are such a beacon of strength for me and I cant repay it

hugs to everyone

here's to us all finding a little peace and happiness in 2009

happy new year everyone

Just a quicky ....

Welcome demented, sorry we have to meet in such circumstances, but it's a pleasure to have you join us.

FM - I didn't get a chance to answer your question about NYE and NYD. We do feck all in our house. In my 'younger' days I would go out clubbing, and it was just another excuse to go out for a piss up and and a dance. Since having children its been too much like hard work celebrating it tbh (scrooge emoticon!).

I was in bed at midnight last night and had very mixed feelings. This time last year I couldn't wait for the year to be over and the new one to start. However as another NY has come and gone I feel like I'm a year further away from Cole. Weird. There's just no pleasing me!

hazy - sorry to hear about your son. How is he doing.

Has anyone heard from tiasmummy? I still think about her.

hi ds discharged himself to go back later for medication ,no more alcoholx

Frasersmammy - you do help me, all of you do, just knowing you are all here and I can vent without anybody judging me is fantastic.

Hazy - anything I can do to help with regards to your son just shout up. Perhaps they will give him counselling - I think that if we can 'repair' ourselves mentally we have every chance of getting better physically.

Going to my friends for a couple of hours. Speak later my friends xx

Morning everybody!! xxxxxxxxx

Morning Lottie - Morning girls xx

Hi Shabs,,,,have got to take Wilf to see our superlovely GP this afternoon! He caught impetigo from the dry skin on his face while we were away! Dr G is soooooooo wonderful and whenever i need anything he will move heaven and earth to make sure either Wilf or I get it. We are so so so lucky!

Hope he sorts our Wilf out. Tommy was bitten by mosquitos and reacted badly to them the first time we went to Greece. When we got home he developed very impressive impetigo!!! We have since found out that both myself and Tom are allergic to mozzy bites.

I am babysitting Lew tonight!!