Fraser's thread for bereaved mummies: Death leaves a heartache no-one can heal - Love leaves a memory no-one can steal

[frasersmummy]

Hello my good friends

Its lovely to be asked to set up our new support tread especially as we head towards our first festive season supporting each other.

I hope Frasers part of the journey is as smooth as Eris, Jack and Matt&Gareths

You are braver than me Everlong.......your 'first Christmas' is almost over....I have spent the last two weeks crying about the slightest little thing.

xxxx

everlong youve done so well,i didnt go today we agreed to see him yesterday ,poor jayden we always go to him to discuss probs,he must think you miserable sods.
when dh came back i asked is he ok ,ds and partner glance as if im mad but you know what i meanx

big hugs shabs,i kidded myself it would be a tiny bit easier this year,id be braver yet sobbed my bloody heart out at cemetry and it was packed

Good morning girls xx

morning girls.

christmas with Ross was fab.. he was sooo excited and sooo happy all day long

I am soo lucky to have him..

In the end it was me insisting we go see Fraser... had a good bubble

Its a weird cocktail of happiness and sadness this journey

hope you all found something to smile about yesterday... even those of you who's grief is very new and very raw .

Shabster (sorry its just easier to say) how are you today .. will light a candle for dan tomorrow

hugs to everyone this festive season

Everlong - hope you soon feel better. The 'bug' made me very low and tearful.

FMammy - you are so right - this is a very weird journey we are all making.

Lottie keeps turning up on Facebook!! Sounds like her and Wilf are having a fab time. Not sure if the Disney rides and her stomach are staying together tho

I think I will go back to Shabster after the New Year. Just needed to name change after all the 'weirdness' that went on a few weeks ago.

The twins birthday is Sunday FMammy - I loose track of the days around Christmas and have to keep working out when the 28th is!!! This time 27 years ago I had no idea that Gareth was so sick. I only found out twins were there on the 18th December By this time I had pre-eclampsia!!!

Yes love - 10 days before they were born!!!!

No routine scans done in 1981 - they weighed almost 10lbs between them but they had their arms around each other so I had an odd shaped bump!! Didn't find out about Gareths heart problems until 2 days after he was born when he was taken to the local Childrens hospital with police motorbikes escorting the ambulance. awful time.

Ta love - it was the most amazing suprise I have ever had!!!! xxxx

Sorry shabster thought it was the 27th..must be because you said it was 27 years ago

I am thinking of you...hard at any time of year yet alone this time of year

its amazing to think that less than 30 years ago that ghaving twins came as a suprise to anyone.

i often think they pour money into advances in soo many things but ante-natal care seems to get left in the dark ages..

rant over

FMammy - I dont even know my name at this time of year - nay worries hen!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just seen the news - remember Faith and Hope, the con-joined twins? The surviving twin died on Christmas Day. and - how can anybody say there is a God???? Jesus is supposed to have said 'suffer little children to come unto me.'??????

I am so angry - their Mummy is only 18. That is December and Christmas day ruined for the rest of her life.

I am looking forward to my weekly visit from the Jehovahs Witnessess - although once I start in on them,and they cant give me answers, I am sure they wont be!

I, quite simply, dont understand it - dont want to understand it and never, ever, will understand it.

oh thats really really sad.. that poor family..

It does make you wonder if there is a god doesnt it??

Losing your child changes your whole way of looking at the world doesnt it Like when mum was really ill there my dad said.. dont worry God will look after her.. was sooo close to saying like he looked after Fraser?? And each time he said i am afraid I will lose her I never re-assured him

honest to god the more I think about the ways this has changed my life the angrier I get...

sorry that started as sympathy for someone else and turned into another fm rant

what is it about this time of year.. brings out the worst in me

I need some brandy I think

Good morning girls xx

Morning Everlong....you are only wishing away a few days - cant see how that can hurt in the great scheme of things.

I put tons of weight on after I lost the boys. I would eat food I didn't even like. Kind of trying to fill the aching hole the boys passing left.

All these feelings are NORMAL - if they aren't I am in the shite poo as well xxxx

Good morning girls xx