Fraser's thread for bereaved mummies: Death leaves a heartache no-one can heal - Love leaves a memory no-one can steal

[frasersmummy]

Hello my good friends

Its lovely to be asked to set up our new support tread especially as we head towards our first festive season supporting each other.

I hope Frasers part of the journey is as smooth as Eris, Jack and Matt&Gareths

Not lost the plot Shabs just protecting a stranger which is a lovely thing to do .

FMN I can completely see why you must be feeling so low at the mo . It is a scary time for you . Do you have somewhere to escape to if it all gets too much on the day of the big sunday dinner ? (thats all it is at the end of the day )
I always felt better if I knew I could run away if needed .

Tommy sounds like a star Shabs (tell him I think he is really sweet 11 yr old boys love to hear that I reckon )

Harrys favourite was Tigger , he wore his tigger outfit at the end , I am sure the funeral directors thought we were nuts to want him in it but it was the only outfit he ever loved , and they were very good at hiding their bemusement thankfully .

girls have a hug im so glad we can come on here and vent ,and fmn i just wish i could wrap you up ,keep you safe,we all know what you mean ,we cant stop the hurt hurting,we cant stop the tears falling but we can help each other on this shitty crappy path we have all had to tread,and because of you girls i can hold myself together for my dear daughter,
please fmn i just wish i could ressure you,we have had new life after jayden and was just like you,please it will be ok,

shabs i have to tell you ive been to colne tonight shopping you arent faraway from there.went for bit shopping xx

colne is not far from me Hazy - you should come and see me.....make sure you bring all your family if you do. xxxxxx

Everlong - oh sweetheart you are a good woman.

I am up very late.....one of my dear friends is having a hell of a time - has fallen in love with a nutcase!! We have all been fooled by him.

See you in the morning my friends. xxxx

FMN - it's so great to hear from you.

I had an inkling that something was up, so I wasn't surprised to see what you said in your previous post.

This is our 2nd Christmas without Cole, and this year I had actually been looking forward to Christmas, probably because of the arrival of Mac. However this week it hit me like a tonne of bricks that there will be a empty space at the Christmas dinner table, and that there always will be. I now realise that that feeling is never going to change and I will have to reconcile myself to that feeling because I will never be able to reconcile myself to the fact that Cole is gone.

I know exactly what you mean about no one being able to make you feel better. My wonderful best friend wanted to be strong for me and said she didn't mind me wailing and sobbing in her arms whenever I feel like it. However my grief is quite quiet and private and at the end of the day I know that talking to her about it won't change how I feel.

I hope your MW and consultant are being very vigilant with you. Remember, if you have any worries/concerns, don't hesitate to contact them - whatever the time of day.

And you know what, if you don't want to get the clothes and bedding etc ready for this lo, then you don't have to. This lo can be wrapped in a towel for her first few days until her clothes are washed. Or, pass the stuff to a good friend/sister/your mum so they can wash it for you and keep it safe until your new lo comes into this world and starts to help heal her wonderful mum and dad.

Even if you lurk or don't come back here very often, I want to let you know that we are holding your hand all the way.

Take care FMN xxx

ps one thing you got very wrong in your post is 'why I have been no use to any of you.' You and Eris brought us all together here, and we're here for the up's and the down's, the good times and the bad times.

Morning everlong.

I can't remember when the nightmares/bad dreams stopped, but they did. I don't dream much about Cole, but when I do I always wake up feeling happy. I hope this happens for you soon.

I feel a bit today, the crap, dull and murky weather doesn't help does it?

Morning girls.

Iliketo - beautiful heartfelt words my love in your post. You are so right about Eris bringing us all together.

Everlong - my doctor told me that our dreams are our thoughts from the day and we have no control over them. I dreamt for several weeks about awful things happening to the children. About 'vampires' coming to take them and night after night I would be killing vampires before they got my children!

You are not going mad love.....you are just NORMAL. We are all building dread up for Christmas Day. When the day gets here it will be over in just 24 hours. Its the anticipation of it all....the adverts showing happy families playing in the snow etc etc.

Thank you for asking about my dear buddy. She will be ok - we will do, as we always do, close ranks around her and keep the strange man away. The same friend miscarried about 3 years ago when she was around 5 months pregnant. Every year on that date we 'toast' her little boy (she was convinced it would be a boy) Bailey, and talk about what would have been all night.

Good night girls.

Everlong I love my own company. Take your time sorting Oli's head stone out. Write down loads of ideas....verses etc etc and really take your time.

We have both the boys coloured photo's on and their details. At the bottom of the stone it says 'Only a whisper away...'

I am very tired, not a bit drunk, and cant talk sense into my friend. My other friend is her auntie.....a step family situation. However they are very good friends and family which is the best of both worlds. She wants to 'help and save' her partner. We all keep saying what we would do but she is not listening. Will have another go tomorrow.

Cause I am 20 years older than her I can see what is happening....but....

Kale Nita my loves....see you in the morning xxx

Good morning girls. xx

What a day!! I was going to send Wilf to Caths this morning while i packed the bag to go away. He decided he wanted to take his Uno game, i knew where it was so went into the pantry to get it and heard...........DRIPPING WATER again. he pantry was where the original flood had started so i had total complete hysterics thinking it was starting again, John came round from next door and we found out that their bath had a leak and it had dripped down into my pantry, (their house overlaps ours so the pantry in mine is underneath their bathroom! We eventually got it sorted but my nerves are now shot to bits again. Wilf has had both his godmothers here this afternoon which has been nice. The lady in the local shop is keeping two bunches of flowers for Jack for tomorrow so i dont go down and find they have all gone. She has promised to change them with new ones if fresh ones come in tomorrow. I am feeling very sad this evening, that feeling again that i should have my two boys with me, however many people tell me that Jack is with me i know he isnt in the physical sense which is what i so want and miss so much!Im listening to The Pogues at the moment, and cooking Sausage casserole and rice pudding> I have a very special friend who i cook for who lives in a caravan and i tell him im his "food fairy"!!!! Will post again tomorrow if i dont get on again tonight. My oldest boys birthday tomorrow!!

OMG Lottie - glad you managed to get it sorted.

My candles are ready for lighting in honour of Jack. They smell so good I am starving! Will be holding you in my heart, as always xx

hi Girls

I am pleased to say Mum is home ... though she doesnt seem herself- I guess it will take time

Lottie there will be a light shining for Jack in Glasgow tomorrow

fmn I can only echo what Ilike said and tell you I remember feeling the same way when I was expecting Ross. Its unfortunately very normal.

How can you say you are no use??? this lovely calm, supportive caring corner of mn wouldnt be here if it wasnt for your bravery and honesty

You continue to post as often or as little as you like.. we will continue to pray for a happy outcome for you in the new year

I hope xmas will bring us all some peace and just a little bit of happiness

Shabs I meant to say sometimes you just have to do what seems right at the time.

Its a crazy time of year when your emotions go mad

Ilike.. I thought seeing as mac was our first safe arrival since we all met and therefore our first ray of hope for the future. I thought it might be nice for you to start the first thread of 2009 when frasers runs out

This sounded much better in my head .. hope you understand what I mean

back to my bubbly

Happy Birthday Jack. Big hugs Lottie.

Everlong I have yet to sort Bs headstone, it is a bit of a block of mine, I am deffo going to get it sorted in the new year. It just seems so final. have decided words and style just have to do the paper work.

Lost it last night Shabs when watching Dark is Rising as twins were reunited after 14 years.

Hi everyone much love for Christmas.

Awwwwww frasersmammy - you want moveit to start the new thread....ooohhh my heart feels light and heavy at the same time. Moveit gets to march us into 2009 with Mac!!! How very, very wonderful - a new year with a new baby. Oh my darling what a good choice. I remember FMN asking me to take over.....I was gobsmacked...honoured....touched beyond words.

I am so honoured that we all have each other....sometimes MN becomes crazy. Coming to our little corner...ERIS' THREAD.... makes sense of things. Charley - anything to do with either twins or babies with heart problems sends me spiraling into a deep dark hole.

Everlong - I hope the last few posts show that no matter how far along the crappy path we tread without our dear, beloved children we need someone else who has trod the same steps. Together we can do anything - apart we struggle.

Lottie and Wilf - thinking of you today. Jack - Happy day lovely little lad....happy day xxxxx

Good morning everyone

A candle is lit here for Jacks day today , Sending you some peace for today Lottie and a wee hug for Wilf too .

morning girls candle lit herex thinking of you allxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thankyou very much girls...........I woke up to an email from my the Radio2 2 vicar who said she had lit a candle too. Happy Birthday Jack. xxxxxxxxxx

I'm thinking of you all today Lottie and a candle will be lit here for your Jack xxx

FM I am honoured and privileged that the baton has been passed onto Cole and me. I hope we can do us all justice xxx