Fraser's thread for bereaved mummies: Death leaves a heartache no-one can heal - Love leaves a memory no-one can steal

[frasersmummy]

Hello my good friends

Its lovely to be asked to set up our new support tread especially as we head towards our first festive season supporting each other.

I hope Frasers part of the journey is as smooth as Eris, Jack and Matt&Gareths

Should have said i went out yesterday to do the shopping!

Morning Lottie - Eurodisney sounds so fantastic.

Everlong - it will be hard to see Oli's friend but, I would imagine, very comforting as well. If you both cry - so what!!

Matt had a 'girlfriend' throughout nursery and primary school. Becky - or Webecca as he called her (he couldn't pronounce some of his letters!) He loved her with a passion. She always gets in touch on his birthday and his 'remember' day. A couple of years ago we were invited to her engagement party!! Oh shit that was hard.

Tommy brought home two balloons - one with Becky written on and the other with Darren. They were helium balloons. Within the first day the one that said Darren on had, somehow, gone out of the house and was blowing away and the one that said Becky on lived happily in Toms bedroom for about a month!!!!!!! Make of that what you will

Morning ladies.

It's great to see you again Everlong. We didn't put christmas decorations last year, but we feel ready again this year. It's probably something to do with the arrival of Mac. There's no doubt that this Christmas will be the hardest to get through, but you will do it and feel stronger for doing it.

The 'how many children do you have' question is something we have asked each other how to handle on here a lot. So I think it's fair to say we have no answers! For me it depends who asks and what mood I am in. Although I find myself being able to 'admit' to Cole's death a lot more now. Everything is still so new to you at the moment, so do whatever you need to do or say to get through the day.

lottie - what a bummer about the work not being finished. I heard the East17 song the other day and thought of Jack. Our little ones have touched so many more people than we realise.

You are so right Ilike - I reckon we all have to go with the flow at Xmas time. The 'first' of anything we have to do after the loss of our precious children is always the hardest. Our Christmas is made a little more difficult by the fact that on the 28th December - Danny and Gareth will be 27 years old. All that 'wonder if Gareth would have been a daddy as well by now' is driving me crazy. 'Would either boys partner had twins?' 'Would Gareth have got through the massive surgery he would have needed' 'How many places would I be setting at the dinner table on Christmas Day' and so the list goes on.

In my opinion having other children to consider is the greatest gift at this time of year. It makes you realise that no matter what we have to paint on the smile.

I think our children are fantastic - also reckon they will have the biggest Xmas party in heaven and raise a glass to all us Mums for, quite simply, surviving and uniting in their memories. xxxxx

OMG girls - just listened to the news - one of the conjoined twins has died - it says on teletext 'Hope has died because of massive problems with her lungs.'

Faith is stable at the moment. OMG another family who will have to walk our crappy road. Will say a prayer for them tonight - even though I'm not sure if there is a God.

Poor young mum - she is only 18.

Oh thats so sad............prayers for that family from me!

Have just seen this thread girls......
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/659451-What-can-we-do-to-mark-DS-39-s-anniversary?msgid=13414077

Can anyone advise ?

Have posted on it Lottie - made a complete fool of myself in the process BUT hope that Oops will come and join our special thread. xx

Thanks lottie - was just going to post on here too xx

Hey ladies - my DS2 was stillborn on 19th December last year and we want to do something to mark it - we're going to the rose garden at the crem but want to do something else as well.

Thanks Oopsa x

Hiya sweetheart. Welcome to the slightly crazy thread

Will keep having a think about this. xx

It will suit me well then as DH is convinced i'm slight crazy anyway (in a good way of course)

It was always going to be a hard time but made slightly more difficult with the fact that I'm due around the same time again - all a bit hard going at the moment!

I can only imagine how hard that must be. My last born (big suprise son!!!) was due just after my 3rd sons birthday, then he was 21 days late but luckily managed to miss my twin boy ,Gareths, anniversary as well. I was dreading him being born on either date.

I used to feel that my mind was in such a turmoil worrying about 'dates' that I would go totally doolally.

Great profile pictures by the way!!

Thank you!! DS1 got the puppy for his birthday this year!!

Yeah I know what you mean. I've always been the type of person that likes to know exactly when something is happening and although I've never had any control over when I've gone before - this time it seems such a big issue for me - probably because i don't want it to be on the 19th - thats Finn's birthday and I want it to stay just as Finn's birthday and not be overshadowed by the new baby. That might sound harsh but thats how I'm feeling just now....

I know exactly what you mean. Finn will always be you son, forever and always. BUT I know what you mean

Do you know if you are having a pink one or a blue one?????

Nope don't know. We both decided that we didn't want to find out before hand which has been really hard considering the amount of scans I'm getting (one a week!) I'm so tempted to just say "what is it" but I'm going to be good. i think its another boy though

I am funny about dates too , a really close friend had her baby last yr on Harrys birthday

I mean how very dare she ?

I know it couldn't have been helped but still it is Harrys birthday and nothing else .

I know exactly what you mean. My SIL has been told that she will have her c-section on the 19th Dec and that floored me!

My friend had a section as well and I was really cross that she didn't refuse and insist on another date

Ive added new Wilf pics to my profile!! There is a wondeful one where he is doing an excellent Quasimodo impersination!!!

Thanks Everlong , it was hard and it was also hard having to be all grown up and sensible with her about it . Being a grown up stinks sometimes
Having to write a birthday card to someone who isn't Harry for that day just seems too much to expect .

It sounds like you have had a lovely morning . Its so nice to be able to talk freely with someone . I hope you are ok and I think pre prepared stuff is the way to go for christmas . It will be a tough day for you all .

Lottie - great pics - have only just noticed how Wilf is really like you!!

Glad you enjoyed your visit Everlong. Definitly get all the pre prepared stuff - nobody will care, if you are getting it from M & S it will be delicious. Just be easy on yourself my love. Dont set yourself goals unless they are easily achievable. My computer will be on all day Christmas Day - so if you want to email and just scream and shout I am here! [email protected]