For Jonny, and all our darling departed sisters and brothers..."their diminished size is in us, not in them".

[evansmummy]

I have remarked over the last few months that there are a number of us on this forum who are living through the death of our brothers and sisters. I would even go so far as to say I never even imagined there could be so many!

I have also noticed that the thread for bereaved mummies is the most amazing place of support, a great place to go and say how you feel without being judged, and knowing that others are going through something similar. And of course a place to go and get a good old MN hug.

So I wondered if those of you who have lost siblings would like to join me in making a place where we can say how we are feeling and to be here for each other, and even to gripe and moan! If you are interested, just let us know a bit about your sibling and a bit about your grief journey if you like. I'll start!

My youngest brother Jonny died a little over five months ago as a result of head injuries sustained during a hit and run accident. My family spent a week in intensive care with him in a coma before he died of heart failure on Fri 30th May 2008. Horrible, just horrible.

I feel down most of the time. But will admit to the strangest mood swings, from very depressed to almost hyper-excited. I still drink and smoke a lot, but less than right at the beginning. Suffice to say that things are not getting easier or better. Maybe even the opposite. I'm dreading Christmas, Jonny's birthday, and then the inquest and court case. I hate it all so much and wish often that it would just all go away. I still can't believe I'm writing this tuff about my own brother.

It's hard to quickly put into a short paragraph the pain and turmoil of the last five months. But I'm sure if this thread works out we'll have plenty of time to go into more detail.

Over to you...

Love Me xx

hope everyones alright?

We return to court tomorrow for sentancing, not looking forward to seeing that scumbag but am to see him get punished just hope its a decent one.

shelley, hope tomorrow goes ok and you get the outcome you want.

cyteen, you've been in my thoughts very much. Wanted to post a song (I think we have similary tastes in music) but didn't want to pick the wrong one!

Oh Go On, Evansmummy, post a song. Even if its the wrong one it'll give us a smile.
Shelleylou. Good luck tomorrow, hope the sentence is signficant.

Do it EM

Shelleylou, I will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping that some tiny portion of justice might be served.

Thanks, I'm trying to have faith in the justice system and theys ee through the many extravagent lies he has repeatedly told... I do wonder if he now believes that they are the truth.

Go on, go on go on

Adding my thoughts to the others Shelleylou. Hope you're ok Cyteen.

Dates-wise so far we have:

Cyteen: brother Simon, birthday 9th July, died April 26th 2007

Caffeineaddict: sister Jenny, birthday 15th Jan. Died 14th October 2007

Evansmummy: brother Jonny, birthday 6th March, died 30th May 2008

MissM: brother Jim, birthday March 9th, died October 17th 2008

Shelleylou: brother Matt, birthday 28th June, died October 19th 2009.

If anyone else wants to add please post and I'll update the list as and when. Not easy to do I realise.

We WILL get justice for matt... Magistrates are over riding the reccomendation so have to wait for paper work. Now reccomending a custodial sentance starting at 26 weeks so sad its taken him to kill Matt for him to be banned from driving interimly and this.

Shelleylou. Whose recommendations are the magistrates overriding? And who is recommending the custodial. Sorry, am probably being a bit thick. But hope you are as OK as you can be xx

shelley, glad you are .

I am having a mightily crap day. Do any of you get a build up when you approach an anniversary? It's over a month until our next big one, but I feel it already.

The magistrates from last time reccommended a community sentence. Todays magistrates think its serious enough for a custodial sentence. Its weird im happy e're going to get justice for matt but sad it has taken this for him to face consequence of his driving

Hope things brighten for you soon EM. We have'nt had any big ones just family birthdays, my wedding is causing me some heartace as db wont be there.

cyteen, here's the song. I guess it's for you all really. It's making me cry.

for you all

I managed a posh link

Lovely song EM. And yes, I do always get a big build up around anniversaries, as this month has proved. It always used to happen in August around my mum's death, and now I guess I'm destined to spend every April thinking I'm going mad.

This song is always in my mind when things are bad like that. From another great album that Si never got to hear (he loved PJ Harvey, and Radiohead, and Dinosaur Jr - all three released superb albums after he had died).

shelley, I'm so pleased your magistrate has recognised the seriousness of taking a life.

I'm pleased they did too. Even though he hasn't been charged with causing my dbs death, what happened to my db is mentioned alot

Hi all

Very very down at the moment. Was up at 3 this morning crying, wanting my brother and the time before he died so much. Am hating the Tory election poster 'More cancer drugs on the NHS' - like it's that simple. More drugs wouldn't have stopped him from dying. Have been talking to him a lot more but I always get very tearful when I do. Would love to discuss the election with him - we're all very political in my family and he had so much amusing cynicism for politicians.

Can't help thinking that whatever good things happen to me, however wonderful they are, this can never go away so I can never really feel happy again.

Cyteen I don't know how you bear your grief for your mum and your brother. You are amazing.

cyteen, thanks for the song. She is such an amazing artist. Reminds me of my youth and sharing new music with both my brothers. I saw Dinosaur Jr in the 90s. Can't remember for the life of me where though, poss Brixton Academy...

"Can't help thinking that whatever good things happen to me, however wonderful they are, this can never go away so I can never really feel happy again."
MissM I feel this too. We've said it before, about our kids doing amazing things but the joy of them feeling blunted.

I've had a bad week, too. Today is 2 years since a friend's son died suddenly of still unknown causes. He was 17. I remember vivdly learning of it, and telling my Dad (he coached him in rugby). Little known to us that exactly one month later Jonny would be dead too. It's like a countdown has started. She was texting me all day today in a terrible state ("I can't do this") and my heart just went out to her, knowing how hard it is and that our family is going through it all too.

Miss M More drugs would not have saved my sister. An earlier detection of uterine cancer,and her GP not confusing the signs a fatal illness with relatively minor symptoms of the menopause, would have saved her.

And oh,Evansmummy too. Now every silver lining seems to have a dark cloud.

Love to everyone. I don't wish this experience on anyone, but I am glad you are there.

caffeine, that's terrible about your sister's GP. Did he/she ever have to answer for their mistake?

GP answered to my sister, diagnosed with inoperable cancer. GP will never make the same mistake again.

No, I guess not. Small comfort. Hugs xx

I hope the GP doesnt caffeine.

I've been so low today was in tears earlier infront of ds. He started trying to make me laugh after being sweet and getting me tissue didnt work. I feel so selfish wanting him here for my wedding. I want him everyday but especially for that, he was really looking forward to it and told people on his street and friends he was an usher for it. I even wrote on his FB wall not to forget its my wedding and i know he'll be there in spirit

shelley, . I think you're allowed to be selfish, don't worry about it. It's natural to want your brother at your wedding, and I don't think you should feel bad about that. I'm sorry you've had a bad day. Your ds sounds very sweet, bless his heart, they have such a simple way of looking at things, don't they? How old is he? Don't worry about cryin in front of him either. I think it's an important part of the process. And I also am a great believer in the privilege our children have of learning of the vulnerability of their parents, and of life itself, because of the deaths of their uncles/aunts. It's such a taboo subject for most people, when it really shouldn't be, and so we try not to hide it away, because I want my ds to have a realistic view of what it is like to lose someone. Your ds will one day thank you for showing your emotions in front of him. Hope that makes sense, too much wine...

Good tat im allowd to be selfish. I think its cos my wedding is so close now a week away. He is very sweet and i dont owrry about getting uspet in front of him.. i just prefer to shed my tears in private, dp doesnt really see the anymore, I surpose i feel like i should be over it. I think its good for children to see their parents have vulnerabilities too. I tell him im sad because i miss his uncle. I try to keep him informed even though hes 3.6. He knew i was going to see if the naughty man got punished and wanted to come too. It's my first real experience of a family death, i was 4 when my grandad died and pets as upsetting as it can be is nowhere near the same. It makes perfect sense. Maybe beadcuse ive had a large vodka and coke and now having a JD and coke. I've finally wrote my eulogy to him in his memory book. It's long overdue. Just need to put the flower pictures in there now and all the letters from companies who are going to/have donated to the charity event in his memory