For Jonny, and all our darling departed sisters and brothers..."their diminished size is in us, not in them".

[evansmummy]

I have remarked over the last few months that there are a number of us on this forum who are living through the death of our brothers and sisters. I would even go so far as to say I never even imagined there could be so many!

I have also noticed that the thread for bereaved mummies is the most amazing place of support, a great place to go and say how you feel without being judged, and knowing that others are going through something similar. And of course a place to go and get a good old MN hug.

So I wondered if those of you who have lost siblings would like to join me in making a place where we can say how we are feeling and to be here for each other, and even to gripe and moan! If you are interested, just let us know a bit about your sibling and a bit about your grief journey if you like. I'll start!

My youngest brother Jonny died a little over five months ago as a result of head injuries sustained during a hit and run accident. My family spent a week in intensive care with him in a coma before he died of heart failure on Fri 30th May 2008. Horrible, just horrible.

I feel down most of the time. But will admit to the strangest mood swings, from very depressed to almost hyper-excited. I still drink and smoke a lot, but less than right at the beginning. Suffice to say that things are not getting easier or better. Maybe even the opposite. I'm dreading Christmas, Jonny's birthday, and then the inquest and court case. I hate it all so much and wish often that it would just all go away. I still can't believe I'm writing this tuff about my own brother.

It's hard to quickly put into a short paragraph the pain and turmoil of the last five months. But I'm sure if this thread works out we'll have plenty of time to go into more detail.

Over to you...

Love Me xx

Hello everyone
Does anyone ever dream about their dead siblings?
I dreamt that my sister was standing in my kitchen and I could see her so clearly, even a strand of stray hair on her cardigan. We talked about biscuits.
Such a banal dream, when her absence causes such terrible pain.

ye i have a few times, some have just been images about what happened to cause his death. The other night i had one where we were racing slinkies down the stairs, like we used to as children

I also dream about my db, they used to really confuse me - like I'd think he was still alive. But now I think it's my way of still making sure he is still involved in my life, talking to him and telling him stuff in a place where he is real iyswim.

It's really hard to describe, but I suppose I am just trying to say that I find the dreams comforting.

I dream about db a lot. sometimes he's lost his mental illness which is nice and sometimes he's acting strange which makes me sad when I wake up. 2 close friends have dreamt about him too and they both said it was extremely vivid and that he specifically said to them both "tell 'corriefan' I'm alright".

I hardly ever dream about Simon. The last one was written about on here somewhere. He is always ill in my dreams. I don't know when, if ever, I will move on from that.

I have only had two dreams about Jon in nearly 20 months. I long for more. I'm feeling very down atm. I just don't want to accept that he's not coming back. I miss him so very much. I often write on his facebook page, 'when are you coming home?'. Pointless, I know.

We've talked about dreams a lot on this thread - it took me so long to even have one dream about my brother and I can count the ones I have had on one hand. Like Cyteen he's always ill in my dreams, either that or he's a little boy again and I get muddled up with my own son.

He was in my dream the other night but not present iyswim. I was on my way to see him but kept doing other things. When I woke up I felt so angry with myself - how could I have put off going to see him in my dream when all I long for now is to be with him again?

EM I text my brother sometimes. It does seem pointless, but you feel so desperate to be in touch with them don't you and that's the only tangible way you have of being so somehow.

EM i write on my brothers facebook page too. I sent him a blank text without realising once was ony when mum asked why i had text him i realised. I still dont believe it, i dont want to. I rewashed the dress i wore to the funeral the other day so the creases fell out of it. I had washed it and thrown it in the ironing basket and left it there. I didnt want to see of touch it. Makes me feel like im just getting ready for the funeral all over again.

shelley, I haven't worn the dress I wore for the funeral since. It's one of my favourites and I remember once wearing it going out for dinner with dh and Jon saying how nice I looked in it. I can't wear it anymore.

I bought this for the funeral. Only black dress i had was inappropriate. I've got it hanging up and will wear it for court and the inquest. Dont think it will have any other uses. Thats a nice memory to have of the dress still understand why you cant wear it

That's a lovely memory EM, and must have made wearing the dress for the funeral somehow special. If such a thing can be special.

My brother's funeral was in a wood so we wore whatever was warm! I wore a grey wool skirt with embroidered flowers on it because I wanted him to see the bright and beautiful colours. And then my big clompy walking boots underneath and fleece on top!

We weren't in black either. My mu wore purple, and I turquoise and green dress over white trousers. I frantically phoned round his female friends the night before to ask them not to wear black. We didn't want it to be any more depressing than it had to be. Was early summer too.

Sounds gorgeous EM. How are you by the way?

It does sound lovely.

I didnt feel right wearing colours. I wore a pale lilac top to his memorial event but only time i wore colour for a while.

You do what is right for you. I wore what I wore because of who my brother was and who I am. You'll have the same reasons I should think. There are no rules!

Thats very true. Show my mood through my clothes and usually quite vibrant.

caffeineaddict asked "Does anyone ever dream about their dead siblings?"

I have three times in the last six weeks. Like you two were banal, playing cards in one and just sitting and talking in the other.

But in the third Caroline was talking to me about her death, why I needed to move on and repeated that "She would wait quietly until I came to her - just not too soon".

That dream was a life-changer. No doubt.

i feel scared noone is going to respond a you have all been on here a long time. I am sad and happy to find this page. My sister died in 1993 in an accident. I still hurt and still cry and have a hole in my life about it.I feel cheated out of a future with her. i dream about her sometimes and it feels like the most wonderful thing in the world. I miss you so much Rach. Crying now, lying next to 17 month old. is it silly to be sad he'll never know her? I'm so sorry all of you for your losses.

hi mitty, anyone is welcome on this thread. I've been here since october so still a newbie really. I can understnad feeling cheated out of a future with your sister. Its nice she comes into your dreams i dont know about you but i find it comforting to see them moving like i do in dreams. I dont think its silly to be sad that your son wont know his auntie. Write down memories of her and pictures. Your son can still 'know' your sister through you and your family if that makes sense? Would it help to talk about your sister?

oneofapair, does that help that she came to you in a dream and told you what was in the letter?

Hey mitty, everyone is welcome on this thread, although we'd all rather not be here. If you have time, have a read through from the beginning. It's a long one, but it often brings me comfort - there are a couple of others on this thread who have lost their brothers through accidents and I'm sure you'll be able to relate to their grief.

What was your sister's name? How old was she when she died? My children barely knew my brother, and certainly won't remember him, but we talk about him because I'm determined that they will know him in some way.

mitty, you are welcome. I'm so sorry to hear of another bereaved sibling, but hope you can find some comfort and understanding here. Funnily enough I was sitting by my 17 month old's cot this evening, watching him go to sleep, wishing so hard that my brother had had the chance to see him, know him, marvel at his little sister producing a new person.

Mitty, don't be worried about us. Everyone's lovely, and we'd be really stupid to be insensitive to anyone who's grieving, no matter when their brother or sister or whoever died! We all have some inkling of how each other feels, which is why we're here. So many people in RL don't, so MN is a safe place to come. Feel free to lurk, read our older posts, and post about your own sibling. Someone is usually around quickly enough. I'm really sorry for you, ...

Sadly my bf has just been round in tears, so bang went my evening. I must go to bed now but will be back asap to fill you in on my depressing life!

have been lurking and reading the posts for a couple of days now , i am not able to put things fully down into words yet,over the death of my darling brother. i'm still so very sad at the loss of my brother, but i am a litte relieved that i found this site as i have now found people like yourselves whom are also very sad over the loss of a sibling .
I will come back and write soon . I went to councilling today and it is all too much this evening .

Cyteen I find it hard to watch my son go to sleep as it always reminds me of sitting by my brother's bed watching him fade away. I love watching DS fall asleep, but it always makes me cry.