I think a crem service can be exactly what you want it to be. Have you had a chance to chat to the person who will be leading the service? They should be able to tell you in detail how it will go, as well as allow you space to say whatever you want to.
cyteen's eulogy is beautiful. I think any heartfelt words about what your brother meant to you will be special. I read a poem, but my other brother read a eulogy, as did my Dad. I've never posted them before. Here they are :
My brother's:
My brother and I were always very close, especially in recent years. We would go out drinking together, go to gigs; we had similar tastes in music. We?d do a lot of things together as mates not just as brothers.
We learnt to rock climb a few years ago with a friend of our dad?s, John Walsh, and we would always be very encouraging of each other. There was never any competition when we were trying to climb difficult routes. We both just wanted to make sure each other got to the top. We were a team in that respect, the climb wasn?t complete unless we?d both conquered it.
We would go to countless number of gigs together. Always catch the train into town early, go climbing, have a few drinks and go to the gig together. Have a few more drinks. Jump around as if we were still little kids; catch the last train home and decide the best plan of action was to run back from the train station on a stomach full of beer and burgers. He always ended up waiting for me to catch my breath.
Jonny came to many of the gigs that I played. He was always very encouraging and the first one after our set to come and tell us how good we were even if we weren?t! He was always very positive; even if we?d come off stage moaning about the sound, he?d tell us that even though the sound was bad we still played really well and it came across. I will miss him whenever I play.
I was always very proud of my brother and eager to introduce him to any new people I met. He was always very energetic, enthusiastic, and not afraid to get stuck into anything, no matter how hard or scary it might have been.
Jonny was an incredibly moral person, always doing the right thing no matter how hard a decision it might have been. I always tried to set a good example for Jon in this respect, but in recent years when I found myself with a difficult decision to make I?d ask myself what he would have done.
He was my climbing partner, my gigging buddy my brother and most of all, my best friend. I will miss him always, but I am thankful for all the time he was with us. He will be with me in my heart and thoughts forever.
My Dad's:
Jonny was the youngest of our three children and although we love all of our kids equally, Jonny was special. Whether that was because he was the last we were going to have or because he wasn?t really planned or I don?t know what, but he was special. Linda used to sit and hug him for hours when he was very young.
He was never any trouble to us. He watched his elder brother and sister make the mistakes and he learned from it and played a good game accordingly, but he was never any trouble.
Well, that is if you ignore the time when he fell off the bar stool at the rugby club and split his chin open at the age of 4 and we spent the night in casualty. Or when he fell off the wall when we were in the south of France holidaying with the Winters and split his eyebrow open. He had to have that stapled together by the local docteur. Or when he split open the back of his head when he fell in our garden.
But really he was never that much trouble, apart from breaking his arm at Dair House school when he fell all of 18 inches from the climbing frame or when he broke his arm again falling from a tree in our back garden at Idle Wood. He did give us a little concern when he set the boarding house bedroom alight when he was at RGS Wycombe. I think he was showing his mates a new trick that his brother had shown him; something to do with a can of deodorant and a box of matches. Although he really wasn?t any trouble even when he got caught smoking at school.
No he was never really any trouble, except when he fell from the first floor fire escape of the Andy?s flat in Leeds at 1am in the morning and broke his jaw in two places. He did look a bit like desperate Dan when Linda and I picked him up from Leeds General Infirmary later the next day. But honestly, he wasn?t any trouble although we were worried when he got attacked by three muggers late in the evening in Headingley after leaving his job at the Original Oak pub. They attacked him from behind with heavy bars and he sustained bad head injuries. But all this was really in keeping as he was mad keen, as Erin has said, on becoming a stunt man and used to joke about all the scars he had as being part of the necessary CV for his desired future occupation. And he made us laugh especially at his sister Claire?s wedding to Jean-Paul in France when he was in charge of serving the beer and by halfway through the evening he was happily drunk after serving one beer for himself every time he served one for anyone else.
And although all these things happened he really wasn?t any trouble to us and he did live his life to the full. If ever anyone made his years count, it was Jonny. He loved acting for which he received his degree from Leeds Uni where he was living and especially as you?ve heard he loved his music and went to gigs all the time, whenever he could, supporting the various bands that his brother was in, or going with Chris and friends to Glastonbury and Reading festivals and coming home dirty and smelly. But he enjoyed it all. He went skydiving, horse riding, did tai quando, roller blading, gymnastics, weight training, running, parcours-ing and especially he loved climbing, whether with Chris or with friends in Leeds it was his big love. He was very, very fit. Keen on rugby and food & cooking, he enjoyed himself whenever and wherever he could. He made people around him feel good and was always happy and laughing. He did everything that he could in his life to the full. He always had lots of friends for he was kind and considerate, caring, thoughtful and forgiving. I never heard him say a bad word about anybody and he always looked for the good in people he met. He loved people and the social life and having a good time, but he also enjoyed being at home and just doing the normal things of life. Jon never bragged or boasted, he was modest and never sought praise, ever helpful and willing. He was just a great guy and like Chris, he was as much a friend as anything else. He was just good to be with.
Jon always seemed at peace with himself, confident and secure and never afraid to give his mum a hug and a kiss in front of his friends or school mates and to tell her that he loved her.
He really was just the best son a parent could ask for and Linda and I know that wherever we go in this world Jon will be with us, for he will truly always be a very special person to us. Jonny may be out of sight but he will never be out of our hearts and our minds.