For Bereaved Mummies. Remembering Jack and our other precious little ones... the sharing of hurt is the beginnning of healing.

[lottiejenkins]

Third time lucky........ Thanks to Shabs and FMN. I hope i can carry the baton as well as you did. I havent made a good start though. Things can only get better.........

Done it Lottie!!!

Confirmed Shabs!! xx

I am off to a cottage on the grounds of a working croft on the black isle.. thats not far from inverness.

We will have fruit trees in our garden and possibly highland cows!! We are not far from channory point (the best place to see dolphins in the uk..they always send the bbc there for spring watch)

its situation makes it isloated and safe enough that we can open the doors and let Ross around mad in the fresh air without fear of abduction or being knocked down but also close enough to civilisation that we can go for a pub lunch !!

The only thing that is a slight worry is the weather in the highlands this time of year. but we were in this area last year and it was lovely so fingers crossed

oh look how long I've prattled on about my hols . sorry

Oooh Frasersmammy - that sounds lovely. Especially the bit about Ross' freedom to run. I feel sorry for our kids nowadays they dont have the freedom we used to have.

Can clearly remember running around all day, riding my bike, not caring if I got sunburnt, snotty nose, filthy dirty and sooooo happy!!

Hope you all have a peaceful, happy, sunny holiday xx

and I bet if you fell off your bike as you were getting a cuddle and a plaster ..your mum was saying something like.. were you going too fast/ taking your hands of the handlebars were you- thats why mum tells you not to do that !!!!

Back in the days when kids knew there were consequences for their actions and there was no adverts for where there's blame there's a claim

Morning Everyone.

Hazy - just wanted to say I am thinking of you, dd and your family on Jaydens birthday. Glad to hear your FIL is doing better.
Your dd lit a candle for Noah on his FSID page the other day. I was really touched. Will you thank her for me? xxx

Mel - have started wearing Chanel no 5 everyday since what you said! I'd worn it during the pregnancy and for Noah's funeral. Hope things are okay with you.

Frasersmummy - The same mother asked me again this week if I had any other children (she had'nt heard me the other day because of the noise of the traffic) so I mentioned DS this time and felt much better for doing so. It was only ackward for a second (on her part) and she later asked if I wanted to go for a coffee. So I didn't frighten her off!

Noah had a new neighbour at the cemetry yesterday.

Hope everyone else is okay x

Hazy - thinking of Jayden and all your family, as always xxx

Happy birthday Jayden. xx

Lottie, I am shocked at your flasher tendancies! I haven't flashed my boobs for years (I think the last time was at a wedding opposite Windsor Castle about 8 years ago when I got drunk and was flashing the guards in the castle opposite!!)

FM, holiday sounds fabbie! I want a holiday! Hope you all have an absolutely lovely time. x

Lighthouse, well done for telling the mummy! Did you go for the coffee?

happy birthday jayden..I hope the day passes peacefuly for you hazy

Lighthouse I am glad you got the chance to tell the other mum about your ds. its strange how when we feel comfortable talking about ourlittle ones that others find it akward isnt it. The number of times I have found myslef saying its ok .. really its ok please dont feel bad

well done for telling her .. another hurdle crossed !!

Happy Birthday Jayden.......xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

thanks girls ,i went to get his balloon and burst into tears and left shop pretty quick feeling stupid ,god i thought id be used to it now,
went to cemetry and blubbed ,turned round about 10 cows all stood staring at me ,butmade me laugh.
tlk my dd rang a couple of nights ago and told me how gorgeous your noah was and the same age as jayden,but i will tell her.

fil doing ok .waiting to see if damage permanent and need diaylis.
thanks for remembering jayden birthday,my parents placed flowers at cemetry ,an old work friend remembered which was lovely.xxx

well done Hazy - its so hard isin't it. The sun is certainly shining brightly where I am in honour of Jayden. So proud of you xxx

Hazy, for a moment there I wondered if you actually meant 10 cows or whether you meant a group of mean women!!!!!!!

its strange sun is out here too,thanks for emailxx so true isnt it .

xxxx

spent the rest of day at hospital havent even seen dd today,not 1 of dhs family remembered jayden todayx

I know exactly what you mean Hazy - my DH's family are just the same. His mum didn't even know that Matt shared his birthday with her most loved and precious eldest son. She also told all of her 7 children that the eldest son was her favourite. Some people just don't get 'it' - and I do think that is their problem.

Feedmenow - Yes it did. We didn't talk about Noah and she didn't ask any questions. She just felt really bad for asking me.

Frasersmummy - thats exactly how it was! It's funny I wanted to talk about him but like you say they just find it so ackward.
I guess maybe they are scared we will get upset but duh we already are so it's not going to make things any worse. Yet I suppose maybe before Noah died my reaction would have been similar I would have thought I'd be making it worse, but now I know different which is a good thing. Hope you have a lovely holiday.

you are right lighthouse... like anything else experience teaches you how to deal with these things.

I think the times it annoys me most is when someone asks me what my sands wristband is for and when I tell them they get all akward. I really want to say look if I didnt want to talk about it I wouldnt wear the wristband would I

Hazy it does make you feel quite isolated when family dont remember b/days doesnt it.

I have just sold all my baby equipment to my second cousin. I had a bubble when I realised that it meant dismantling my cot. It was built the day before I lost Fraser and was left up for Ross so its been up for 4.5 years now. Just felt really quite final and sad. ho hum.. onwards and upwards

i do they never mention jayden,my family do ,dh gone to work,and i on my own took annual leave cant work when like this,i wouldnt like me inflicted on me on days like today never mind the people i look after iykwim

hey ladies hope everyones doing ok, haz my inlaws r like that 2 breaks my heart, we have also got a magazine deal telling my diary of a child with trisomy 13 . So im happy bout that

My mum is fantastic, she looks after Jacks grave for me as i cant get there very often!
She also tends the grave of her Great Aunt who died when she was 106 and is buried in the same churchyard. I find it hard to get my head round, that one was 106 and one was two hours old!
Hazy what you said about the cows reminded me of the baby rabbit popping out at me in the churchyard.. i dont know who jumped more me or the rabbit.

our cemetry is full of rabits we all buy windmills to keep them away from flowers,
my dh sorts jaydens garden out as im crap at it,but i do help i think

Hiya girls - have been helping tom with his homework!!! I AM KNACKERED! I reckon we have all walked a few more 'stepping stones' this week. See you all in the morning - going for a quick gab with Trips on the multiples thread and then I am off to my pit!! Take care and sweet dreams xxxx

Hi Hazy,
Sorry I am late on here but in time still to send love to Jayden on his special day xxx
These days are so hard, I have had 15 birthdays without Matthew now and I still get angry sitting there, seeing his name and his birth date on the headstone, flowers seeming so inadequate. I keep hoping the next year I wont feel the same, but I do, I feel angry and cheated for him, for us. How is your fil doing? So very glad they have been able to sort him, it is amazing now what they can do. My poor DH is having a rotten time, the chemo finished last Sat and has really hit him hard. He has been in bed since lunchtime today, its almost 11pm, has lost so much weight his clothes are just hanging off of him, and is barely eating because he says he physically cant. The whole thing is so horrible. We have been desperate to try and fit in a week away, the oncologist has said it would be ok after we see her on the 9th. Found a lovely place, now been offered a huge discount on it, but now scared to book it incase Dh is too ill at the time to go, as we would then lose our money! What to do?