For Bereaved Mummies. Remembering Jack and our other precious little ones... the sharing of hurt is the beginnning of healing.

[lottiejenkins]

Third time lucky........ Thanks to Shabs and FMN. I hope i can carry the baton as well as you did. I havent made a good start though. Things can only get better.........

Thanks Shabster i am lucky to be able to post my feelings on here. My brother and his partner won't go "internet websites" to talk about their grief. Nor will they see a counsellor or infact talk to anyone other than family. I suppose just talking to us will help them get through the early stages of grief but i'm just so worried that my brother will end up very angry inside.
I'm sorry for the loss of your little one, i apologise for not knowing your details but yes like your Gareth he did have heart problems. It make me mad/sad and lots of other feelings when i think that his open heart surgery was textbook surgery and he died because the rest of his body and organs gave up. I don't mean gave up as he kept fighting until the end but i'm not sure how else to describe it

He was just a baby

I know darling....it seems such a 'waste' doesn't it? You will never stop questioning it and wondering why. I know one thing - the early stages of bereavement and grief are overwhelming and overpowering. What was your nephews name? I dont know how to help all of you except to say keep telling your story, never be afraid to cry in front of your family, millions of hugs and millions of tissues. Wish I could find the right words to say to you. xxx

I have to help my DS4 with his homework sweetheart - I didnt want to just go off and you think I was ignoring you. Will come back on when we have done 'our' French and Maths.

Thankyou Shabster, i will probably just keep posting to keep myself sane! I'm not expecting any answers on here, there are no answers.

His name was Conner Mathew, he was the light of our lives. He was just learning to laugh and have big smiles, he could light up a room with his smile or turn the most miserable person all mushy

My mum has antique dolls in her living room. They have been in the same place for over a year. Two nights ago they had been moved and their hats were on the floor. Now, it may just be wishful thinking but we're sure Conner has been playing with them!

Whilst in hospital and on the ventilator he used to blow bubbles. If i wiped his mouth once i wiped it a thousand times and he just kept blowing them. I will never see another bubble and not think of our little angel. Like everyone on this thread i would do anything to bring him back. I can still feel the touch of his face, his hands, his whole body. I want to just remember him when he was happy and in peace, but i can't stop seeing his bloody hands and chest I'm glad he's no longer in pain but my heart is breaking

babybuttercup massive hugs to you and your family,i lost my grandson jayden to cot death 2006 ,he was ten week old,ive never known hurt likeit,didnt think it was possible to survive,the girls on here realy helped.
believe me your nephew is still with you ,we had so many strange things happen after he joint angels,and i can feel him.
we too wanted the funeral over as quick as possible,but never wanted to say goodbye either.
big hugs im so sorryxxbelieve me sorryx

I have just found this sad thread.... so many sad stories on here at the moment!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1367/615384?ts=1222620162750&msgid=12549923

Think this fits our thread so perfectly

I was listening to this the other day Shabs............. I love James Taylor!!

Hello, lottiejenkins, thanks so much for posting on my other thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1367/615384 and for inviting me here. I don't want to intrude here in so many ways as I am but an auntie and I know you mums must have a special bond as only you can understand each other.

I am looking for some help though and wondered if anyone had any suggestions. My sister is finding it hard to explain to her 3 1/2 yr twins about her son James who was born still born a couple of weeks ago. They keep asking about James and aren't really understanding. My own boys are 7 and 9 and finding it very difficult, but at least at their age understand what has happened.

I wanted to find a book for the twins to read with us that helped to explain but not found anything suitable yet.

At the moment I'm thinking of making something myself but haven't got a clue how to write something that will make some simple sense to such young children.

Any books, ideas or experiences would be so gratefully received, I so want to help my sister and nephews.

I hope asking this hasn't upset or offended anyone. My heart goes out to all of you who have lost a precious child x

Hi lyb......... When my husband died when my second ds was five I found these books helpful.
www.amazon.co.uk/Pip-Edge-Heaven-Elizabeth-Liddle/dp/0745947212/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=12226 30366&sr=8-2

www.amazon.co.uk/Miss-You-First-Death-Paperback/dp/0764117645/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1222630 433&sr=1-3

Or do contact Winstons Wish who help children through bereavement.

www.winstonswish.org.uk/

Though it says parent or sibling i know they can help in other situations too!

I hope this is of some help to you !! xxx

Never, ever apologise for coming onto our brilliant thread. Im going getting my son into bed and then I will come back....trying to think of any books that were helpful to me. Back soon xxxx

Hi everyone I have just returned from a really great week in the highlands. Our cottage was beautiful, the weather was great and Ross loved having highland cattle in his back door!!!!

Mel fantastic news on your bfp... its going to b a long 9 months for you, but we are all here to help and support

Feedmenow I remember going through a phase in my second pregnancy where I did kind detach from what was going on. It felt like I was just going through the motions. Once I had regular feotal movements I did find it easier.. I hope once you have your scan and little one is kicking up a strom you will feel better. I think about you often..

Welcome littleyellowbird and baby buttercup. I am glad you have come to join us but sorry that we had to meet on this forum. Its very early days for you both. I lost my son to stillbirth 4.5 years ago and remember all too clearly the pain of those early days.
Just take one day at a time at the moment and dont be hard on yourself for feeling bad..its perfectly normal.

hope everyone else is ok tonight .. sending you all hugs

oh frasersmammy - so glad you enjoyed your hols. xxxx

Hi thanks everyone for the kind comments.

IKWYM FM I was the same with my pregnancy after my stillbirth. I settled abit more when I could feel movements but I was always on the edge of my seat, just wondering what its going to be like this time around. I dont think its really sunk in properly yet LOL.

Glad you enjoyed your hols FM.

Hi & welcome littleyellowbird and buttercup im so sorry for both of you losses, lots of hugs to you both... Thinking of you and your families.
LYB I don know of any books but personally I found just being as honest as possible helped. Hope you find a book that helps.
x

Congratulations Mel,

BBC so sorry for your loss, I love your dads comment, Conner matthew will always be with you

LYB my dd was 2 1/2 when her brother died, I told her he had not grown properly inside mumy so he had died. I suggest keep it simple and factual for this age range.

belated birthday wishes for Noah, take care TLK

night night Shabs,hazy,lottie FMN, FM

Morning girls xx

Morning xxxxxxxxxxx

Morning all

morning girlsxxxxxxxxx

Hi, thanks for ideas on how to tell young children about stillbirth...I've ordered one of the books off amazon and had a look at the website mentioned - thank you!

It's ironic but the week my nephew James died, I was due to start working as a volunteer at my local children's hospice a couple of times a month. I'd been in on visits and my role was going to be helping the siblings of the children in their care.

I used to be a Nursery Nurse but now I am a children's book illustrator and I had been thinking of making some books with the children about losing their sibling, explaining facts and exploring feelings.

Little did I know that it was going to be my family who suddenly needed to know how to talk to the children...

Hoping to still do it, but put it off until after xmas now...they don't need me blubbing all over them at the moment!

lybird - I think honesty with the children is the most important. Please try not to say 'the baby just went to sleep' or 'we lost the baby.' Everybody who met my SIL in the town said 'So sorry that Shabbs lost Matt.'

My nephew was about 4 at the time and he spent at least 6 months dragging his mum all over the town looking for Matt.

Younger children especially see everything in black or white. They are very adaptable. Its only when they understand more about 'death' that it is much more difficult for them. It would be good if you could find a star in the sky that is easy to spot and say that is the babys star and he is shining for you.

Thinking of you all xx

Yes I echo what Shabs said with the "gone to sleep" or "lost" comments. Kids take things at face value and literally. It will frighten them and they may be worried about going to sleep/getting lost themselves.

Sorry LYB about James, a book in his memeory would be a great idea, unfortunately your experiences may prove invaluable to others, although obviously I wish you didn't have to experience it at all.

I agree with the honesty needed, we have tried to be clear to the children in our use of words. They have no real concept of death yet at that age though, do they? It's trying to get over to them that James will not be coming back that seems to be the hard one. One of them looked up my sister's jumper the other day 'looking for James'

To be honest I'm thinking it's probably causing more problems for my sister and BIL at this stage really as the kids keep asking and it must be rough to be explaining over and over again?

I like the idea of the star, I'll suggest that to my sister x