Widows and Widowers of Mumsnet Unite. Time for a bit of support.

[Yorkiegirl]

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The funeral is at 2pm, but DH will be brought home for the last time at 1pm as the hearse will pull up outside so that we can lay the flowers on the coffin ourselves. I am just hoping that everything will go smoothly after the problems we have had so far. My uncle, aunt and cousin have been here this evening, which was so lovely they have driven a long way from the North of England and I had not seen them for nearly 10 years, I am so touched that they have made this journey to be here with me. Another uncle and aunt are travelling from Scotland, and friends from all over the country are going to be there for us.

Will be thinking of you Evenstar xx

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Thank you for your kind thoughts, have posted in detail on my other thread, it has been an emotional, exhausting day but a wonderful celebration of DH's life and a fitting tribute to him.

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I think that must be one of the worst things Yorkiegirl, I went to DS's leaving assembly at school this afternoon and it was lovely and my dear friend had saved me a seat, but she had her DH with her and so did lots of others and it was hard. Even looking at everyone else taking photos, I was thinking that they would be taking them home to share with DH's. I think the worst loneliness seems to be inside though, I feel sort of separate and cut off from other people. Is it either of these feelings that is troubling you?

I'm so sorry to but in on this thread but had been wondering how MB was.

You were so very kind to me when my dad was diagonised with pancreatic cancer in Jan.

I'm very sorry you lost your dh, and I truly hope that at some time in the future you feel happiness again.

My heart and best wishes go out to you all xxx

Again sorry to but in.

just logging in from lanzo to say hello, evenstar I have been thinking of you and your family I will catch up when we get back.
Yorkiegirl sending you hugs too, have missed our chats on man.

Thank you OJ you have been in my thoughts too.

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Yorkiegirl thank you for the candle you lit for everyone, sorry you were upset by that thread, I hadn't seen it but that word widow seems to get me every time too

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My mum was widowed in her early 50's and felt the same way, I said to her I felt I should be a little old lady in black with a stick. Sadly, as we have all found out some of us have to face this path much earlier than we expected. I find myself struggling with the idea daily, and I am unsure what behaviour is expected of me as a widow when I am still relatively young as well. There doesn't seem to be a "road map" for this journey, and in RL most of our friends are thankfully not travelling with us yet.

I wish this thread wasn't necessary. It's one of the saddest I've read on MN. Although I've no direct experience, my sister lost her husband 4.5yrs ago, when she was 57 and she's really not come to terms with it. He was a lot older than her and in ill health but died suddenly, more-or-less in her arms.

Since then, she's been in poor health herself, most of which I, my mum and her adult children think is psychosomatic. She's developed 'food allergies' and now weighs 6st 12, despite being 5ft 10in tall. She's had every test known to man, which has shown no illness whatsoever, except for a prolapse and cataracts. She says she has nothing to live for, despite having 5 grandchildren, and just wants to join her dh.

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Thank you for those words, Yorkiegirl. I agree about the broken heart thing, in fact I've wondered if my sis is subconsciously trying to commit slow suicide.

She won't let herself be helped and she's driving her two dc, who live close by, round the bend. One of them has a 4yo and the other has a 5yo, 3yo and 1yo twins so they have their hands full and it's pretty upsetting for them when she tells them her life's not worth living. I think she's depressed and a course of AD's might help but she rejects that argument with old-fashioned notions of madness and lunacy and drug addiction. Sometimes I want to shake her and tell her to stop being so bl%dy selfish......

I completely understand how odd it is to be described as a widow. When I remarried a few years ago I hated seeing myself described as a "widow" on my new marriage certificate.

As I mentioned earlier in the thread, I was widowed in my mid-twenties. I found people's reactions one of the hardest things to deal with. I'm quite a private person, and hated the feeling that people were pitying me, and as a result ended up not telling people for a long while after I met them what had happened. I have friends now (nearly twenty years later) that I've known for many years but met after my first DH died who don't know. Obviously that was possible for me as I had no kids at the time. I don't think it's healthy, but I suppose we all just do what we can to get through the situation.

I too wish I could avoid telling people but with 3 DC's and the amount of forms and paperwork to deal with it seems to be something that is constantly in my face at the moment

Yes, the paperwork is horrendous, Evenstar, and just at the time when you are at your lowest ebb. Really brings it home, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I meant to post a while ago Evenstar, in response to your post about your DDs birthday to say I thought she sounded a lovely young woman (I'm sure your other kids are great too - I just thought her response was so mature and supportive).

I have come to lanzarote to escape the paperwork thou I know it will be waiting for me when we get back, have checked online banking and they haven't sorted child benefit tax credits or widowed parent benefit out yet, what do they expect us to live on?

I have come to lanzarote to escape the paperwork thou I know it will be waiting for me when we get back, have checked online banking and they haven't sorted child benefit tax credits or widowed parent benefit out yet, what do they expect us to live on?

Hi all, as I said before I still have loads of paperwork to sort out, just can't bring myself to do it - I hope that you are all bearing up, I have been having a run of ok days in the past week ... I started my new job on Monday, had a letter to say that DS has been offered the last place for late applicants at the nursery attached to the school Dh and I had chosen to send him to and have had 2 more big donations for SADS sent to me, however all of this does not help the dread that I have for tomorrow - It is our wedding anniversary, we would have been married 5 years tomorrow (together 13) and it just brings it all home again how unfair life is and how tomorrow should mark us moving forward with our lives together! Things are never going to be the same again

The paperwork can wait , I think anniversAries are tough it reminded you of whAt you had, not that you don't remember every day of course. I hope you get through it and can remember some of the good times amid the tears.