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Original poster

DH died suddenly-need support and prayers please

653 replies

Evenstar · 29/06/2008 06:16

My DH passed away suddenly on Thursday 26 June, there has to be a post mortem and I cannot bring him home until the coroner releases his body. I am struggling to realise that he is gone, as I have been unable to go and see him owing to distance from home and mortuary being closed at weekend. Mum and brother are here, am getting amazing support from them, my 3 children and so many friends. I am finding it hard at night and getting up very early not wanting to wake others but feel need to chat.

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thumbwitch · 13/08/2008 13:01

Your poor DS - still, if it was his first attempt then you can console him with the concept that all the best drivers failed the first time (one that my ex came up with after he and all his friends failed first time - I passed first time and was therefore not so good.)

Original poster
Evenstar · 13/08/2008 19:43

That made me smile Thumbwitch, it is exactly the sort of thing DH would have said. Mind you he did pass first time and it took me four attempts

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thumbwitch · 16/08/2008 00:04

Hi Evenstar - how were DS's A level results? I hope it was a case of "3rd time lucky" and not "bad things go in 3s" - is he planning to go to Uni?

Original poster
Evenstar · 16/08/2008 12:00

He did really well a B and 2 C's which we were very pleased with, he also got an A in the extra A/S level he did this year. It is nice to have good news for a change. DD's GCSE results next Thursday, but I am not too worried about her as she has worked very hard. DS1 is 18 on Monday I think that will be a day of very mixed emotions for us all.

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Original poster
Evenstar · 16/08/2008 12:01

Got computers sorted out by DH's university friend yesterday so that is one less worry.

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Original poster
Evenstar · 16/08/2008 12:05

Sorry didn't see the last part of your question Thumbwitch, he isn't planning to go to uni this year, he is looking for a job. He has a job at a supermarket to tide him over for now and is looking at various options now he has his results. He would have had a lot more choice if he had passed his driving test though, as public transport is not good round here, a lot of places that are quite local are on a different train line and mean a long journey and then a change to get on the right line. He may go to uni next year if he doesn't get into something he wants to do permanently, he is a bright boy but not really academic if you know what I mean.

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thumbwitch · 16/08/2008 12:22

yes, I know - Uni doesn't suit everyone and it annoys me that the Govt seem to think it's the only way forward - bring back the apprenticeships etc, that's what I think!

I don't know the rules on re-taking driving tests now - does he have to wait a long while or can he apply for a cancellation and do it again quite quickly?

At least he has something to celebrate, as well as being 18, on Monday (or over this weemend?) and while it is going to be mixed emotions of course, I'm sure his Dad would have been very proud of him and I'm sure he will know that.

When my mum died last year, it was my 40th b'day 17days later. My Dad, bless him, still wrote her name in my card (From Dad, and from Mum in heaven) which was lovely, even though it brought tears to my eyes (and still does!) I don't know if you had thought about that aspect of things, but just wanted to let you know that I appreciated Dad doing that for me, it kept Mum involved.

Have a good weekend anyway - as the trite old saying goes, life goes on and these big days are proof that it does.

(((hugs)))

electra · 16/08/2008 12:32

Thinking of you and your family xxxx

Original poster
Evenstar · 16/08/2008 12:39

Thanks ladies, Thumbwitch what a lovely thing for your dad to do for you, I might give that some thought, as DH will definitely be missed more than ever on DS's special day. We had made plans for a special celebration of all the events this month, but nobody really has the heart for partying at the moment. I just cooked DS a nice meal on Thursday, we are going to his grandma's (DH's mum) on Monday and having a meal out and a cake. Going out to friends for the day tomorrow.

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thumbwitch · 19/08/2008 00:22

Hope today went well for you all Evenstar and that your DS had as good a birthday as could be expected under the circs.
lots of love

Original poster
Evenstar · 19/08/2008 17:59

DS1 had a good day lots of presents and he enjoyed it, he did say in the evening I wish Dad had been here, but we all did I did write him a special card as you suggested Thumbwitch, a seperate one that he could keep private and I think it was appreciated. He had his car from us both already and I gave him DH's watch.

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thumbwitch · 19/08/2008 18:16

how lovely - I'm sure he did appreciate it but these boys aren't that hot at showing their full range of emotions, are they! I'm sure he appreciated getting his Dad's watch too, what a great idea - after all, technically he is the "man of the house" now! I hope he grows into his position. (I'm not being at all 1950s about this, I promise!)

struwellpeter · 21/08/2008 22:28

Hello, Evenstar, just wondering how the GCSEs went for DD and how things are going for you. I've been away for a week and am surrounded by laundry!

Original poster
Evenstar · 22/08/2008 00:11

DD did really well thanks 3 A's, 4 B's and 3 C's so we were very pleased. My friend then rang me to tell me her DS had got 11 A*'s , but my DD just said she thought that was weird! We are doing OK just managing from day to day, I have moved on a lot with all the paperwork and financial side and can see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for checking in, I hope you had a nice holiday and that you get the washing sorted soon

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thumbwitch · 22/08/2008 16:58

Don't think much of your friend's level of tact and diplomacy - sounds a bit showy-offy to me! Sounds like your DD has her head screwed on all right anyway.

Hope you have a reasonable bank holiday weekend together

struwellpeter · 22/08/2008 21:00

Well done to your DD, you must be proud of her. Even more so because she is so level headed.

Congrats to you for making forward progress with the paperwork, too! I can imagine that many people would just want to hide away from it at this stage, but may be it is good to feel that you are doing something even if you'd rather not.

Washing sorted? Hmm, it never seems to happen in this house (too many children) but I don't really mind as long as it's ticking over. Dh's Aunt due to visit on Tuesday so that will focus the mind when it comes to getting all the rest of the holiday bits and pieces away.

Hope you manage over the bank holiday. One day at a time is definitely the way for now.

Original poster
Evenstar · 22/08/2008 23:44

Thanks struwellpeter and thumbwitch, I am going to my mum's for a few days tomorrow with my youngest DS, leaving older two in charge of house and pets. I feel I might be OK now for a few nights, and they really are old enough together. I am just hoping I don't regret it, but I have read the riot act in terms of parties, curfews,etc and hope that DC's, pets and house will still be in one piece when I get back! I felt it would be nice to have a few days rest before school etc starts again (and no paperwork!). Hope everyone has a good weekend, I may get on at mum's now and then, but she seems to have organised a packed social programme already (all nice things though)

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onlyjoking9329 · 22/08/2008 23:50

Hello evenstar just catching up with you, great to see good exam results.
have as good a time as possible when you go away try and relax and try not worry about your house whilst you are away, it will do you good to get away from the phone paperwork and the dreaded postie.

Original poster
Evenstar · 23/08/2008 00:20

Thanks OJ, hope all is well with you and DC's, you are often in my thoughts.

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Original poster
Evenstar · 23/08/2008 00:23

Just saw your post on other thread re getting stuck on the motorway, what a nightmare for you. Hope you and the DC's weren't too stressed by it.

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struwellpeter · 26/08/2008 16:48

Hope the few days away went well and that the dcs, pets, house etc are still in one piece.

Original poster
Evenstar · 28/08/2008 06:34

Thanks struwellpeter, got back yesterday evening and everything was fine other than an uncompleted job list and some washing that had been left on the line since Saturday! I feel so much better for a few days away, I thought it would be hard coming home, but I was just pleased to be back and see DC's and pets, hoping that it won't hit me hard today. DH's birthday is next Monday so I think that will be a very difficult day

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struwellpeter · 28/08/2008 22:51

So glad your lovely Mum managed to give you some tlc and r and r. She probably was pleased to be able to help you, especially as you don't live close.

What great teenagers you have. May be next time they can make progress with the jobs too.

Well, you certainly have packed in the anniversaries and exam results in the last few weeks. Have you a plan for next Monday or are you just hoping to survive it? I mean, will you all just try to get through the day or will you have a cake or dh's favourite thing for supper? May be the dcs will have some ideas.

Original poster
Evenstar · 29/08/2008 00:22

We are planning to go up to the grave with flowers and cards on Monday, and DH's mum is coming with us and having lunch. I am making a cake and a dear friend has given me a beautiful scented candle with a silver star on a ribbon and we are going to light that on Monday as his "birthday" candle. I have been out and got the cards today, which felt hard as it was so like other years choosing cards from us all. When you do "normal" things, it almost feels like it could still be not true and he will be there when you get home, I hope that will get easier as time passes.

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imaginaryfriend · 29/08/2008 21:46

Evenstar, I've been off MN for a few weeks but am glad to catch up on your news. I've been thinking about you.

I hope Monday is ok. I remember my father's birthday being a very painful time for us. I'll be thinking of you.