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Original poster

DH died suddenly-need support and prayers please

653 replies

Evenstar · 29/06/2008 06:16

My DH passed away suddenly on Thursday 26 June, there has to be a post mortem and I cannot bring him home until the coroner releases his body. I am struggling to realise that he is gone, as I have been unable to go and see him owing to distance from home and mortuary being closed at weekend. Mum and brother are here, am getting amazing support from them, my 3 children and so many friends. I am finding it hard at night and getting up very early not wanting to wake others but feel need to chat.

OP posts:
struwellpeter · 12/07/2008 00:09

Oh dear. You are really unlucky to have these three things happen at once and what you feel is completely understandable. Of course you don't feel you can rely on anyone being safe ever again. Your dh's death was so sudden and it will be a long time before your battered mind will relax enough not to worry. Can't offer much help but am sure this is normal.

Your poor ds. It must be so hard for you all. Condolences.

struwellpeter · 12/07/2008 10:01

What have you got planned for today? Hope you were able to have a lie in, you must be exhausted from emotion.

thumbwitch · 13/07/2008 00:27

Evenstar, hope you had a better day today. Have you discussed bereavement counselling with your DCs? Even if they don't think they want/need it, it might do them some good to take out their anger/grief on someone other than you.

Your DCs might need reminding that you need special love and care and thoughtfulness from them at this difficult time and that you all need to pull together to help each other through the dark days.

I hope you get some rest and can have a reasoned chat tomorrow with them all, with a good outcome.

(((hugs))) to you all
xx

Original poster
Evenstar · 13/07/2008 18:23

Thanks for your concern, things have been better with eldest DS since showdown on Friday, I don't think he had seen me break down and cry like that since this happened. I feel maybe I have tried to be too strong for them. Had a dream about DH last night and woke up thinking he was there , I hope I will have a better night tonight.

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Original poster
Evenstar · 16/07/2008 06:15

Funeral is tomorrow, am finding this week very hard. I am having problems with DH's mother who has tried to interfere between myself and another family member. I have had a beautiful order of service prepared by said family member and she arranged for the printing, I said I would pay and family member concerned about bothering me at the moment asked her father for money. He spoke to MIL after daughter had expressly asked him not to and she rang me and said she would be paying. This would not have been so bad, after all DH is her son but she implied that she thought it was expensive and extravagant and that we could have printed them at home. I have now arranged with family member that I will pay, but am disgusted by MIL's attitude as she should never have been involved in this in the first place. She then also denied saying that she would pay for the family flowers, I have 2 seperate people who witnessed this conversation, I just said well we will go halves then if that is what you think we agreed. I am not going to row with her and spoil the funeral, but she has more money than she knows what to do with and is doling it out hand over fist to DH's brother who has frittered away everything he had and is broke. I feel DH deserves respect and would prefer to pay all the flowers myself now Sorry this is so long just needed to vent - there is history with MIL as you may have guessed just find it hard to believe that she has behaved like this.

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StealthPolarBear · 16/07/2008 06:25

I have just read the OP and your last post, so sorry to hear about your DH passing away. It must have been such an awful shock.
Sorry as well that your MIL is making your life hard at this time. I'll be thinking about you all tomorrow x

Original poster
Evenstar · 16/07/2008 06:40

Thanks Stealth, nice that someone is around to listen at this time in the morning.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 16/07/2008 06:45

What are you up to today? Do you have a lot left to arrange?

Original poster
Evenstar · 16/07/2008 08:16

Not too much, sadly all arranged for previous date last week which we lost because of delays with release from coroner, so mostly it was just a question of rebooking with all the choices already made. Have to take my dogs to the kennels this morning as we are having a small lunch for immediate family tomorrow before the funeral, and jumping, slobbering and hair are not universally appreciated. I have ordered M & S readymade sandwiches etc for that and the tea is being catered by a local hotel so no catering to worry about. Just a few tidying up jobs round the house and garden in preparation but Mum is still with me and her partner and they are very good. Older children can also be helpful if asked.

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chocciedooby · 16/07/2008 08:48

My thoughts are with you Evenstar.
God Bless xx

Original poster
Evenstar · 16/07/2008 16:11

Thanks choccie, I feel I will need all the strength I can muster to get through tomorrow, but I think what comes next will be harder from what other people have said, as you have lost the focus of planning the funeral and you have to face the rest of your life.

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hertsnessex · 16/07/2008 16:18

will be thinking of you all tomorrow evenstar. xxxxx

Oblomov · 16/07/2008 16:24

Goodness, I am so sorry.
Have you been able to sort anything yet ?

Original poster
Evenstar · 17/07/2008 00:04

I am just going to bed, thanks for your kind words, I have had family here all evening, as I said on the other thread my aunt, uncle and cousin have driven from the North of England to be here for me which means so much. I am just hoping for good weather tomorrow and for everything to go to plan and be a fitting tribute for my DH.

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HumphreyCushioni · 17/07/2008 00:10

Thinking of you all, Evenstar.

thumbwitch · 17/07/2008 00:17

Hope tomorrow goes to plan for you and your family Evenstar and that your MIL doesn't create any further stress for you.

You will still probably have plenty to do even after the funeral, unless you have been superhumanly organised and done it all beforehand (bills, cars, bank accounts, probate etc) so you won't necessarily be suddenly faced with a bleak "now what?" scenario - although there are bound to be elements of that.

Sleep well and God bless
xx

luvaduck · 17/07/2008 01:14

good luck for tomorrow evenstar, will be thinking of you
sleep well x

hertsnessex · 17/07/2008 08:06

wishing you lots of love and support for today evenstar xx

herbietea · 17/07/2008 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ssd · 17/07/2008 08:37

thinking of you and hoping you get thru this heartbreaking time

so sorry

Original poster
Evenstar · 17/07/2008 10:58

Thank you everyone, feeling as it is pouring with rain, I just hope it stops, it will be hard enough as it is

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Mhamai · 17/07/2008 11:11

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children Evenstar x x

ssd · 17/07/2008 19:30

hope you got thru today

xx

chocciedooby · 17/07/2008 21:14

My thoughts were with you today.
Hope you got through it ok.
Big Hugs.

Original poster
Evenstar · 18/07/2008 00:19

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words, the service and the tea afterwards were perfect, a really fitting tribute to DH. His choir friends sang two songs during the service and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Friends and family had come from all over the country, and I was touched at the effort people had made. DH's previous boss at the company he worked at for four and a half years turned up with a presentation book full of e-mails cards and personal tributes from all his former colleagues, I was so touched. I am exhausted and the day has been so emotional, I had a very bad moment in church, as I had chosen one of our wedding hymns and as it started I had such a vivid flashback to myself as a young bride walking down the aisle to marry my DH and the contrast was hard to bear. On the whole the day has been a joyous celebration of DH's life which was what I had hoped for. Now going to bed, thank you all for your care and concern.

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