DH died suddenly-need support and prayers please

[Evenstar]

My DH passed away suddenly on Thursday 26 June, there has to be a post mortem and I cannot bring him home until the coroner releases his body. I am struggling to realise that he is gone, as I have been unable to go and see him owing to distance from home and mortuary being closed at weekend. Mum and brother are here, am getting amazing support from them, my 3 children and so many friends. I am finding it hard at night and getting up very early not wanting to wake others but feel need to chat.

Thank you all for kind words and thoughts. I often think of you OJ and your lovely DH, you are so brave to be able to think of others.

Husband's boss called to see me this afternoon, said lovely things about him and how everyone felt he had been there much longer than two months as he was so popular and so much a part of the team. I had never met him before and was really touched that he had taken time out of his weekend to see me, we chatted for over an hour like old friends.

that was nice that he came to see you.
we are all in the same boat, i cant help very much at the moment as it is very early days for us, four weeks tomorrow.
i have an appt at the bank to try to sort out life insurance and the mortgage

Dear Evenstar - how nice of your boss to think of you and personally visit! I hope your weekend was brightened by that.

Re. your DH's heart attack - quite often there are no symptoms leading up to it, especially in younger (as in not old) men - my BIL's stepdad died last weekend aged 50 from the same and there was no warning there either. It is one of the "silent killer" diseases, sadly. I hope that helps you to know that you couldn't have foreseen this happening and that you didn't miss anything.

thinking of you
x

Funeral is now not until next week so I have some free days this week, I am going to try and pull together some figures and get some information sorted out. Should be easier to deal with some of it after tomorrow as I am hopefully going to register DH's death and I should get a certificate, very little you can do without one (or rather multiple copies).

Thanks Thumbwitch, yes I did know that, and also DH was diabetic and they are prone to "silent" heart problems as they suffer from impaired nerve function. It is also common for cardiologists to give patients the all clear so I am sure nothing was missed and that is a comfort.

always best to get a few copies, we got six.
you can at least plan for the funeral and start on the paper work once you have the death certificate. none of this is easy thou,

Dad got 10 copies of Mum's death cert; I think he has had to use most of them. Even if you can't think of what you might need all those copies for now, you might find in the coming months that things crop up that will need one and it saves you having to go back to the registry office.

I actually got 21 as DH had a business that had it's own insurance etc that will need to be sorted, MIL also requested one to sort out a family trust, so I hope I will have plenty. I felt really proud of myself as I made a 2 hour journey each way driving myself to register DH's death. It made me feel more 'normal' and stronger if you know what I mean, and also I felt it was one of the last things I can do for him . By another strange coincidence another friend of DH's from school who we didn't even know was living in the same town as us has e-mailed me to say he was bereaved last year and to contact him any time for a chat. This is the second one in the last week so it may be there are more of us young widows/widowers around than we think, I may well contact him in the next day or two for a chat as I found our other friend a great comfort because he understood. I want to give him the opportunity to come to the funeral next week as well.

Well done Evenstar, that's a long way to have to go and concentrating on driving for that length of time is quite tricky at times like this.
So glad you are getting support from others in the same position - even though it is in such sad circs, it's good to know that people are willing to support each other.

I think you are right about the young widow/ers, when I go to the cemetery where Mum is, I'm always saddened by how many of the new graves are for people under 50 - so shocking really.

Hope your sleep is improving
xx

I managed 6 hours in total last night, and only woke up once sleepily registered the time and went off again. I am hoping tonight will be good as I am tired after the long journey and have a lot to do tomorrow. Pulling all the funeral arrangements together for a second time has been hard, I feel I dare not trust that it will work out after all the difficulties we have had.

Hi Evenstar. I've been thinking about your and keeping your in my prayers. I don't know about your funeral arrangements so I'm just going to take a bit of time to catch up with the thread. I haven't been on for a while.

Glad you're getting some sleep though.

OK I have caught up with the thread now. So the funeral is next week. A long time to wait but you seem like you could do with the space to get stuff done.

Great that some people, who have an idea what you're going through, have been able to connect with you and support you.

Well done for making an appearance at school sports day. They need to know that life does go on.

God bless. xx

Just checking in before bed, I am very late tonight as I have had to contact lots of people by phone and e-mail to let them know the funeral arrangements quite a few tonight who I hadn't contacted initially and it is not getting any easier to tell people. Managed over 5 hours sleep last night and a snooze in the chair this evening so am hoping for a good night tonight.

No, it isn't easy to keep having to tell people the story again and again - it just brings it back over and over. email is a wonderful tool in this respect, I found.
Hope you get more sleep tonight
xx

I hope that you are now asleep, the phonecall are draining you could do with a recorded message to save you having to say it over and over.

Sorry to see that you were awake too OJ, I did as many e-mails as I could but some people were phone only as I had no address. Haven't slept very well but I am feeling OK just hyped up I think with all the mental activity. I will try and have a nap during the day as I am tired but not sleepy.

How was today, Evenstar? Did you manage to get a snooze during the day?
Hope you are coping ok and your DCs too.
xx

Sending you love Evenstar. You did an emotional thing all by yourself to go to the registry office and to also drive so far. Each day will be emotional for you on different levels and I hope the posts on here of love and support offer some comfort to you. No-one can take away your pain but we are all thinking of you.

I did manage to have a nap during the day, took DC's to see DH which was very emotional, but went well a positive thing for them I think. As each day passes I feel more and more that I am a left over half of a whole thing , I don't know if that feeling will ever fade completely.

well done Evenstar, that must have been quite difficult to cope with, your own emotion and the DCs' emotions too. I hope it gave them some feeling of "that's not Dad any more" - I know that's how I felt, seeing my Nanna and Grandad at the undertakers.

Do you remember the film Cocoon? (This isn't a spurious question) or maybe it was the second one - anyway, at the end, the old folks all died and their spirits went up into the sky as these beautiful, joyous blue star-like lights - I like to think that's something like what happens.

I guess that feeling you're having is why they used to say that the partner left behind was the "relict" of so and so - dreadful word, but seems to sum up how you are feeling. I don't believe it will really go away, but you will become accustomed to it. Have you tried having email conversations with your DH? I did that with my Mum and it was helpful to me - just telling her what was going on with my pg etc.

hope you have a good day anyway xx

evenstar, I can imagine how you are feeling is exactly how most of us would feel. I'm so sorry what has happened, your pain must be overwhelming just now. I hope time helps one day, but for just now please know there are many many of us sending you hugs and a shoulder to cry on

Morning Evenstar
It is fully understandable that you feel half of a whole thing as you are missing your husband so much. You got thru a very emotional day yesterday with your children but with your support they were able to go and see their dad and I am glad you felt it was positive for them. No words can say how awful this is for all of you but give yourselves time and take it one day at a time.
Sending you love for today x

I just wanted to say that I am so, so, sorry that you have had this terrible shock. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I have had a really bad day today, went out shopping with my mum this morning and was able to have a break from everything to a point. Then this afternoon my youngest son was very late home from school, and then it turned out the other two mums who join in a tea date on Friday's had changed the arrangement and neither had thought to let me know. Then my daughter was very late home and her mobile was turned off and then when I rang her friend she hadn't come home either, she turned up and told me she had forgotten to turn it on. Then was late picking up youngest son from an activity and the adults had let him wait alone in a public car park dark and pouring with rain, probably a misunderstanding but am checking tomorrow. The trouble is that I seem to have lost faith that the DC's are safe if they are out of the house, but I know I have to let them go. Eldest son being very difficult and taking everything out on me.