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Original poster

DH died suddenly-need support and prayers please

653 replies

Evenstar · 29/06/2008 06:16

My DH passed away suddenly on Thursday 26 June, there has to be a post mortem and I cannot bring him home until the coroner releases his body. I am struggling to realise that he is gone, as I have been unable to go and see him owing to distance from home and mortuary being closed at weekend. Mum and brother are here, am getting amazing support from them, my 3 children and so many friends. I am finding it hard at night and getting up very early not wanting to wake others but feel need to chat.

OP posts:
laundrylover · 03/07/2008 13:19

So sorry to read this Evenstar.

A friend of mine went thorugh a very similar traumatic time (PM, then more tests) when she lost her DH last year. I can only say that she got through it somehow and now her and the DCs are coping as well as can be expected.

You too will get through this and will be able to grieve properly very soon I hope.

My thoughts are with you and your children.
xx

Spidermama · 03/07/2008 16:33

How did it go evenstar? I hope seeing his shell has helped you or at least will be comforting in the long run.

You know he's no longer here now. He's reborn elsewhere.

I hope you are OK evenstar. Have been thinking about you and said a little prayer this morning. x

VanillaPumpkin · 03/07/2008 17:53

Thinking of you Evenstar.

Original poster
Evenstar · 03/07/2008 20:02

He was at peace and it has been a great comfort.

OP posts:
Spidermama · 03/07/2008 20:12

Oh evenstar I'm glad for you. Well done. A proper goodbye. God bless him.

slim22 · 03/07/2008 20:21

sending you much love and prayersxxx

mumtofour · 03/07/2008 20:40

You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers.

DutchOma · 03/07/2008 21:50

Adding prayers for sleep and rest for you tonight

Spidermama · 03/07/2008 21:54

Yes I hope you can get some sleep.
Am turning in (early for me) and wishing you all the best.

differentID · 03/07/2008 22:04

Evenstar, I'm not sure how much this will help, but I was 10 when my father died. We had him home with us until the night before the funeral and we were free to go in and speak to him, sit with him if we wanted and just feel that this was a last journey. I felt that this helped me enormously to understand about what made him my dad and why it was only his shell that was being buried, not him, if you see what I mean. It did so much to help me understand what had happened, if not why it had at that point.
I can only add that you and you children are in my thoughts and prayers especially in the following dark and difficult days.

Original poster
Evenstar · 03/07/2008 22:44

Thank you I feel I can sleep tonight, and am going to bed now thank you for all your prayers.

OP posts:
3andnomore · 03/07/2008 22:48

Sorry for your loss!

thumbwitch · 03/07/2008 23:57

Evenstar - I know you have gone to bed so won't get this til the morning - I am glad that you have found some level of peace from seeing your DH today. I hope that you get speedy resolution of the PM, get him back as soon as possible and that your DC get the chance to see him and say goodbye to him too, if they want.
God bless and sleep peacefully

gingan · 04/07/2008 09:32

Evenstar,
I too was not sure if I would be able to cope with seeing my husband at the undertakers, it was 2 weeks between his death and the funeral. However, I am also glad I did, as it made me realise his spirit was gone, and it was just his body there.
This is an extremely tough time for you, and you just have to do what you can to get through it, there is no right way, everyone is different.
Something that helped me a lot (and still does) is a book by Virginia Ironside called "You'll Get Over It". The title is based on the stupid things people say when they cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. It might help a bit to read and know you are not alone.
Remember when you think you will never be able to cope, that you will. It just takes a long time.
Sending you my love and will say a prayer for you and your family tonight.
xxxxxx

Original poster
Evenstar · 05/07/2008 00:19

My DH was unexpectedly released by the coroner and brought back to our home town today, I feel much better for knowing he is near, only 2 streets away. Went to youngest DS's sports day but just for the bit he was in around an hour and then slipped away. Wore sunnies so people didn't notice me as much and the two people who spoke to me it was fine, just couldn't cope with more today. Had a long chat with an old friend who DH had been trying to find for ages, he was widowed last September and we found such comfort in talking to each other, we have swopped contact details and he is coming to the funeral.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 05/07/2008 01:00

Evenstar, that is good news (in as much as it could be). Is he now at the undertakers? Maybe your DCs will get their chance, should they decide to, to see him soon after all.

So sad for you - I know this won't be any consolation to you but it has certainly made me more appreciative of my DH in the last few days. I think sometimes we forget how important they are in the minutiae of daily life.

Hope you are sleeping ok
x

muffinmum · 05/07/2008 01:27

Dear Evenstar, just a little late night post to say i have been thinking a lot about your family since i read your first message. I imagine your home with a huge ring of MNers holding hands around it giving you support. I hope you are getting some rest tonight.

Original poster
Evenstar · 05/07/2008 05:36

Slept till around 5, but solid 4 hours without waking, so better. Have been downstairs doing some lists and admin or my "displacement activity" as I call it. Forgot to say last night that DH's death was due to heart attack, which was a relief in a strange way because I wondered all sorts of things when they asked for extra tests. They must have had the results on Thursday when I was in the area and could have registered his death without having to take a 4 hour round trip again. The only thing I can think is that I told them it was a burial as someone said that the release criteria are less stringent, but the coroner's office were surprised to hear a result themselves and didn't expect it so I don't know. Hope everyone will appreciate their DH's more as you never know what time you will be given.

OP posts:
ninedragons · 05/07/2008 07:35

How lovely of you to be thinking of other people when you're going through such a traumatic loss yourself.

Displacement activity is great - get into the sock drawer, the miscellaneous drawer in the kitchen, and remember there are loads of us on MN in the Asia-Pacific timezone so there's always someone here to talk in the middle of the night.

I really am so sorry.

ssd · 05/07/2008 07:41

evenstar, thinking of you today

Countingthegreyhairs · 05/07/2008 09:11

Will say a prayer at church for you this weekend Evenstar ... wishing you lots of strength ... I'm glad your dh is now closer to home .. and I'll certainly be taking your advice x

imaginaryfriend · 05/07/2008 22:31

Evenstar, I've been feeling so sad for you.

Did any of you have any inkling your dh was unwell? I'm asking because as I said in a post sometime earlier, we lost my father suddenly when I was a teenager and the fact that we had absolutely no idea he was about to die made it very traumatic to come to terms with.

Have you been offered or thought of seeking any bereavement counseling for you and the kids?

Original poster
Evenstar · 05/07/2008 22:37

We had no idea that there was any change his health was not good, diabetes and high blood pressure/cholesterol but no warning signs. Children and I are doing well at the moment, but I will definitely seek help if needed. Great RL support mum is here and has not left me since it happened, dad on standby to come after funeral and stay as long as needed, my brother and DH's family also very supportive and so many wonderful friends, we are blessed in that respect.

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StressTeddy · 05/07/2008 22:40

Evenstar - have been thinkning about you a lot since you first posted. Do hope you are (at least for one moment a day) ok. Love to you abd your family

Hope you manage to have a calm night - whether awake or asleep

onlyjoking9329 · 06/07/2008 19:11

have been thinking about you all this weekend.