Church service followed by direct cremation, is this the right choice?

[Anamechangeisnotjustforchristmas]

Hello all. I’m in bits just now and really need some advice.

My step mother has recently passed and I’m making all the arrangements as there is no other family that want to be involved apart from my Dad (her husband). I was her carer in her last years so am well aware of her wishes in most things.

Me and my father were thinking about a church ceremony but then saying goodbye to her at the church. After which she would be taken to a place for a direct cremation.

The reason for this is, although she wanted cremation, she was really religious and the church was the most important thing to her. And the idea of going to the crematory with just a few people is so depressing for me.

I think after the church service with all the smells and the bells and the music etc etc it would feel like such a let down to have such a wonderful service and finish it in such a sad way. The other option is we have a close family only at the crem but nobody from her family has reached out to me to say anything about the planning.

Our church is beautiful and we have a good relationship with them. They will be providing the full works for her service. Music candles incense etc etc.

My heart is telling me we say goodbye at the church. Not travel across town to watch her coffin go through a curtain. Am I doing the wrong thing?

Please forgive any typos. I’m crying as I write this.

A colleague had just had this. Church service, then family-only cremation, then wake. Non- family went from church directly to wake.

Sorry for your loss.

This is very common and preferable imho for church funerals, usually I suggest the immediate family follow the coffin to the church porch and the committal is said there before loading into the hearse - sometimes the family invite everyone to to join them to wave or clap as the hearse leaves other times it’s more solemn sometimes everyone else remains inside. I organise 2 a month or so therefore I’ve seen many variations and there’s no right or wrong.

The motorcycle hearse company are lovely btw, I’ve met them a few times, so fitting. Some bikers have an escort of local bikers, I’m part of the sw group, if that’s of interest

Hey there. Thank you for your response. We are in Scotland and I did email the ladies biker group she was a member of, before her mobility decreased, but no response. I might try some other biker groups in the area. Biking was such an important part of her life.