Advice for entering a relative's flat after a distressing death

[tilechairdot]

I have to go into the flat of a close relative who died there recently. He remained dead there for some days before being discovered. Drug overdose, and he had lived there for years doing drugs. Even the police have warned it's really bad in there, they've left windows open and they say definitely wear a mask.

TBH, I'm terrified of what I'll see. I know I won't be able to unsee it. I'll be the first person to enter following his body being removed. I'm going in alone. Any advice if you have ever been in this situation?

Google says that if the deceased was a tenant the landlord is responsible for cleaning the property. That would be the local authority or HA, You are not expected to do so. Any expenses would come out of the estate of the deceased. If there is no estate the local authority meets those expenses and pays for the burial.

You mentioned items which "the family" might want. You are obviously finding even the thought of this very distressing. So why cannot they get off their asses and do it rather than lumbering you? Are they elderly/disabled and you the only fit family member?

So on a practical note, I'd recommend an N95 mask with a bit of Vicks inside (be generous). This is good for reducing smell exposure. You might also want to consider goggles, and at the bare minimum Tyvek shoe covers (but I'd consider a full Tyvek suit). The mask and shoe covers are for practicality and safety, the other stuff is probably more psychological. Also take a torch, don't risk dropping anything you would want back onto the floor (so a torch which if it fell on the floor, you could leave, rather than your mobile phone).

Psychologically, the idea behind the suit and the goggles is that you're providing yourself a physical barrier from the place you're entering. I found it helpful to imagine I was going into an alien spaceship - nothing was going to be familiar, things would smell or be unpleasant because it's an alien space, but nothing could harm me because I was wearing protective gear.

So I had a little ritual where I stood outside the door, suited up, goggled and masked up, said quietly to myself "all seals engaged, activating airlock" then opened the door and went in. It gave me a psychological distance, and allowed myself to put my "emotional self" somewhere else. Then once you've collected what you need, go outside, shut the door. I then said "airlock disengaged, environment confirmed, releasing seals" before undressing, as that was a signal that I'd "come back" from the "alien environment" and was back in my own safe world.

Which country are you having to fly to?

I would contact the coroners office and the original police family liason. Someone must have called the police for a reason and found id to inform the family he had died. There may be a delay in a burial and possibly an inquest so don't rush into anything. Sorry for your loss.