Advice for entering a relative's flat after a distressing death

[tilechairdot]

I have to go into the flat of a close relative who died there recently. He remained dead there for some days before being discovered. Drug overdose, and he had lived there for years doing drugs. Even the police have warned it's really bad in there, they've left windows open and they say definitely wear a mask.

TBH, I'm terrified of what I'll see. I know I won't be able to unsee it. I'll be the first person to enter following his body being removed. I'm going in alone. Any advice if you have ever been in this situation?

if it is housing association ask them to accompany you. they may need to go to the flat anyway to do an assesment re repairs ready for letting
I would not put myself through this. there are specialists who will go in clean up bodily fluids for you so if you really want to go in then it will be better for you. believe me bodily fluids which have been left for a number of days are not very pleasant.
re the above suggestion some firms would clear clean and if you stated you need paper work they would give you anything which is salvagable. please bear in mind he may not have what you need

A company like those mentioned above will be able to go in and retrieve what you need as part of starting the clean up.

The complication is that this person lived far away from me, I am having to travel to deal with this.

I'm sorry about the loss of your relative and the ordeal facing you.

However, I would think again about going in yourself. Seriously, the death cleaning company can be asked to gather up any documents and items especially ID and hand them over to you, or you can collect when the cleaning has been done.

Why not do that? Or do you really deep down WANT to go and see the place before it's cleaned up? If it's the latter, well put vicks menthol rub in your nostrils, wear a mask and do it.

I wouldn't do it myself no matter who it was. I'd prefer to remember the person from the good times and leave such awful tasks to a professional company.

Do you feel that you need to do this OP, for your own personal reasons?

I do understand that, but I would strongly advise against it. There is really no need and you will not unsee (or unsmell) this.

Have you talked this through with a professional/counsellor?

I don't want to jump to conclusions (and I know I am) - but you do not need to punish yourself for any of this.

if you live away do not think you have to go to perhaps make up for not being nearer to the person who died
if you ask a company it can be organised via phone and then pick up the items when they have finished maybe even mail them

Thank you so much for your sensitive comments. To answer your questions: I do NOT want to go in. The problem is that this person lived far away, I am flying in to handle the death admin, and I have a limited amount of time before flying back. I am trying to find out if a cleaning company would be available soon enough.

Why has it been left for you to deal with, what other family support have you got. Do you know where his documents are and what valuables are there. There's absolutely no need for you to do this alone, who has the key to his flat. I would speak to the police support unit, a professional cleaning company and his housing officer. The cleaning company can look for documents and any valuables if you give them a list.

@tilechairdot I am guessing you are concerned the cleaning company could miss something or throw the wrong thing away?

Where did they live, are you the executor, is there other family nearer, where are you living and flying in from.

If it was an unexpected death you can call the coroners office and ask for their advice

Thi sis good advice too - if unexpected and it has to go via the coroner then it may take some time for the death certificate to be issued anyway (currently up to several years in my local area, it's horrific!).

@ChubbyLubby a death though can be very graphic, and if the body isn’t found then the decomposition that can occur in a warm, damp, stuffy flat is really awful. Often the reason the police are called is because of the bad smell.

I would be afraid to see that too, it will have been festering for weeks now.

I'm so sorry for you. Isn't there anyone at all who can go in with you?

Do you know if they had an ID and where it is kept? If not then just get profrsdional cleaning company
It helps to have docs but you can register etc without

I do not think you need their ID
Just medical cert
You need your Id

Ni number etc you can find via their dob etc call hmrc and explain
Telephone: 0300 200 3500

Call tell us once and ex plain you do not have their ID but do have their dob address etc

What to do after someone dies: Tell Us Once - GOV.UK https://share.google/HWTvOhNiYWVxTXdz2

Can you register a death without a birth certificate?
Yes. A birth certificate can help the death registration process, but the only essential document needed to register a death, is a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death, which will be given to you by a doctor

I would suggest asking the cleaning company to retrieve the items for you before they begin the clean. Sorry, it sounds a really heart-breaking situation.

We have just been to register a death. You don't need the person's ID but they tell you to bring it to help with the questions. You need to know their date of birth and place of birth. They also ask their occupation, and the details of a spouse if they had one.

You need to bring your own ID.

Thanks, everyone. I’m going to get a professional to go in and try to retrieve documents. This is happening abroad. Rest of family is either elderly or pregnant, so not fit for service.

Not so much, more that they won’t be able to do it soon enough. Perhaps I’ve invented part of the problem!

I should have said that I’m so sorry for your loss

If the cleaning company won't have completed the task before you must go back, is there anywhere you could leave a key for them?

If that is not possible, is there any way you can postpone the visit until they have finished their work?

So sorry for this ordeal you have to go through. Maybe a call to an undertaker might help with the specifics.

Is this in the UK?

I'm so glad my relative and her sister had to fly in to Spain their father had been dead ten days before the alarm was raised. This was August through the Spanish a professional cleaner was arranged.

Believe me it's difficult enough without facing an apartment that hasn't been processed.

@tilechairdot - I absolutely do NOT blame you for dreading going into that flat - I used to be a nurse, so I am used to bodily fluids and nasty smells, and I would think twice about going in there, so you are not at all unreasonable, imo!

Getting someone in to look for the documents sounds like a very sensible plan. If you do have to go in, I'd suggest wearing a mask, and putting some Olbas oil or peppermint oil on the mask, to help combat the odours.

I am sorry for your loss.

There are companies that will do this for you, not cheap but might be the better option.