The Sunflower Thread for bereaved mummies. For Gareth and Matthew - only a whisper away

[shabster]

Hello my new friends.

Come in, pull up a chair and have a gab

Thanks shabster.

Going to pop a pill. night xx

Good night sweetheart xx

Morning girls.

Evansmummy - I read on the other thread that your Dad is scared - poor love, I dont know what to say - words seem so inadequate. When you hug your Dad today, as Im sure you will many times, hug him from me as well.

No death so sad as that of a child.....

I will be there today....only in spirit...but I will carry you all in my heart. xxxxxx

hi girls evansmummy a big hug to you,be thinking of youx will hopefully be on tnite as im off to bed nowx

Good morning everyone, but especially to Evansgirl. We will be with you in thought today, feeling your great sadness, there will be many days ahead as sad as this, but as the wise Shabster has said, time will eventually make the tears flow less often and your face will smile once more. Lots of love xx

Evansmummy - lots of love and strength to you and yours today xx

Evansmummy thinking of you today lots of love and big hugs xxxx

All strength to evansmummy on this horrible day It will be awful but you will get through it xx

In some ways I've found that the hardest thing about grief - knowing that I will get through it, even when I really don't want to, when I want to go to pieces and scream and shout and smash things up and never face another day. Knowing that I still will get up and live tomorrow, that something in me will keep pushing me forward, when all I want is to be left behind. Does that make sense?

Had quite a sad moment with my dad on the phone last night - he was talking to me about football and I could tell he was trying to have the conversation with me that he would have been having with my brother (they are/were both football mad, whereas I'm not really bothered). It just made me aware of the space that is left by a child, even a grown-up one, and how unique and unfillable that space is.

evansmummy - thinking of you xxxxx

Thinking of you today Evansmummyxx

Evansmummy, wishing you all the strength in the world today. I can tell you will do your brother proud. The idea of the photos is fab. I believe that a funeral and a wake are too say goodbye and to celebrate a life. It will always be unbearably sad, but you'll probably look at his pictures and be remembering him with smiles through the tears. Love to you and to all your family. xx

Cyteen, you describe it perfectly, about knowing that you WILL get through but how you almost feel that you don't want to. Strange old thing.

We just had a bloke in at work who, last time her came in, was telling me how well I looked, etc, etc. He came in today and asked downstairs after me and the baby only to be told she had died. Bless him, he came straight upstairs and asked me how I am and what happened, and sat and talked to me about it, looked at her picture, asked her name. SO much better to recognise my daughetr than to pretend nothing had happened.

ANyway, just wanted to let you all know that I spoke to my consultants secretary today and she has sorted me out a scan for next Tuesday morning followed by an appt with my consultant. Am off on holiday (again) 4 days after that so I'll be pleased to have that sorted before we go.

FMN - I think you are a shining light for anybody who thinks they wont be able to cope with loss. Im not daft, and I do know that you must put a brave face on while you are on our thread BUT do you remember the first time we 'spoke' on MN? I remember thinking OMG this lady is so sad and I cant help her to see into the future. Our first few posts were just littered with sad faces.

When I read your posts now I can see little glimmers of determination in you - determined to never forget Eris but to celebrate her time with you. I am so proud of you....I dont usually say things like this unless I have had a few drinks!!

I know you are just at the beginning of a long path and there must be times that you think 'thats it, I have had enough, I dont want to do this anymore.' I also dont think you even realise how many steps you have taken towards 'the light at the end of the tunnel.'

OMG I am so glad you agreed to start our 'circle of hope' threads....so glad - now we can all help each other.

Well done darling xxxx Eris would be so proud.

Yes, I must echo what shabs has said FMN - I think you're just extraordinary. I suspect that if I'd been through what you have, I'd still be a tiny little melted puddle of shadow on the floor, not ringing out my daughter's name with pride and purpose as well as pain. Hold your head up high

Yes, brave lady FMN, you are honouring your lovely daughter, she is so proud of you I am sure. Lots of love xxx

Ah, you guys! Get me crying why don't you!

But you ARE right! I miss her like crazy but I refuse to let the bad outweigh the good. I had so very little of her, but I'm damn well determined to see my beautiful little girl in all that is good and happy and bright in the world. I couldn't hack the thought of remembering a child with nothing but sadness and tears. Children deserve laughter and smiles and joy, and that's what she's getting, even though it's in a different way to what we imagined.

And to be fair, you have all given me strength. You all talk about your angels with pride and joy. They deserve it, don't they?

Group hug!!!!!!!

Oh yeah now your talking..................... group hug.

What

Oh

Oops

Sorry

Wrong thread

Hi can i just bump for fairylights please... she was asking for advice on another thread. Just to let her know we havent forgotten her!!

Hi All,

I do follow your thread and admire you all. I wanted to ask you all a question.

My friend had a still born darling daughter last yr and is currently pregnant. She is due at a similar time as to when she had her DD last yr.

On her DD's birthday I wanted to send her something to say that I am remembering her DD - but obviously I don't want to 'bring her down' as she will be so close to expecting her baby.

Do you think a card and some flowers or something more memorable to keep in her DD's memory box?

Thanks to all of you xx

Herts, have you seen any memorial jewellery? I have been lucky enough to be given 2 pieces of jewellery for me to remember Eris, one is a child's locket in a box that plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (with a picture of Eris in it), and one is a bracelet with a butterfly (for rebirth) and Eris' bith stone on it that I now wear everyday.

IMO, something to keep is nicer than flowers. (Maybe silly, but flowers die too...) Or maybe a significant plant? I have a beautiful tiny pink rose in a pot by my front door, and a clematis in a beautiful pot in the back graden, both for Eris

Lovely of you to be remembering, BTW. The fact that you are thinking about her would probably be enough.

P.S. Vagina, come and have a group hug anyhoo!!

Just Saturday was my angel daughter's 1st birthdya. She was born June 14, 2007 and passed away July 7, 2007 from NEC. All 23 days of her life was spent in the NICU

We held a balloon release and a birthday/memorial party with a birthday cake and even sang happy birthday to her

Oh, and I need clothes advice! Never quite got round to loosing all baby weight so have been living in more generous items from my wardrobe. However, have a hen do this weekend and am facing a clothing dilemma. I have a top to wear, but no bottoms! The only ones that fit are slouch style or combats. Obviously nobody in RL knows yet that I am pregnant. I think everyone else is wearing jeans, but smart going-out jeans. Just looked on the Next website for some smart maternity cropped jeans and the only ones they have are out of stock. Am already feeling blobby and don't want to have a crap weekend cos I feel uncomfortable in my clothes. Woe is me!!

Oh, can't remember who asked me days ago, but OF COURSE I plan to find out the sex of this baby and OF COURSE I will tell you all!

Hello, I have just come accross your thread, can't remember how, but I hvae to say how strong you all are and how all your children alive and passed should be very very proud of you !

Hi FMN, Shabs mentioned me a little while back. Hope you didnt mind me jumping in for a bit ?

I have a very good idea of what the loss of a child does to a parent but from a daughters perspective. I have watched my parents grieve for my 18 year old brother and have seen them slowly emerge as different people altogether. They are as close as they ever were but I can easily see how that amount of stress can break a relationship.

I am so glad you fell pregnant again after the sad loss of Eris, for whatever reason, you are, and I think you are coming around to the idea now.

I can only imagine the rollercoaster of emotions when you found out but I think it shows you are in a strong and close relationship and have turned to one another rather than distance yourself.

MN never fails to amaze me, for example OJ lost Steve a week ago and is continually posting on other threads supporting people.

Shabs, Trips and many others are either going through or been through the mill and still have the time, love and compassion to share their experiences and help carry others through bloody awful times.

If you think about it we are, in the main, complete strangers and yet we support one another through thick and thin.

evansmummy has today buried her brother and I can assure you I feel her pain, but can still not get my head around the loss of a child at any age and for that I praise you all. I am not belittling anybody elses grief, of course including my own, but the love of a parent is unique and a one off.

Do you think I have spilled my guts enough yet ??????

Basically, you all have hearts of gold (some more apple flavoured than others ) and you are all amzing women.

Now I'm off to re-fill my bucket glass and will be back to enjoy the last night before my DH returns from his golf trip.

here here Vag