How long did you take off from work when your parents died?

[pinkcupbluelid]

Just that really, I nursed DF through end of life and was present when he died. His death was unexpected. My DM died when I was a toddler. I have sunk into depression and been referred to Therapy from my healthcare provider.
Been off from work 3 weeks and I intend on taking another 3, so I can focus on my own mental health. I feel guilty for not working, although I have full pay and DW supports my decision 100%. For clarity I work in the public sector, my job is very intense.

TIA.

I was allowed 2 days compassionate leave when my mum died. I had to sort all arrangements during my days off. It didn’t cross my mind to go sick because I wasn’t sick (no judgements here it just genuinely didn’t enter my mind).

I think it's perfectly fine to comment that it's excessive to be planning to take that much time off for the death of a parent. Feels like this poster is using it as an opportunity to take a protracted period of time off work tbh.

When my mum died I was off for just over a week. We are Jewish so the funeral was quick, then we had the week of mourning and I went back to work.
i just wanted to be busy, really.

DH’s mum died recently and he also took about a week off. He’d had a lot of time off leading up to her death as she deteriorated.

Everyonr deals w grief differently- my mum died over 25 years ago but I still miss her.

A few days, I can’t remember exactly.
I took 10 days when my DH died, I actually found it helpful to get back to work and be around other people.

My dad was placed on end of life 10 days into the first lockdown and passed away end of May 2021. I'd been on sabbatical caring for him and wasn't due back until the September.

My employer (state school) had been hideously unsupportive and I lasted a month before I started having horrific panic attacks and was signed off. I have my notice in at that point because I knew it was down hill from there.

Started working for myself in June 2022 and started a full time job (in a different school in Sept 23.

So three months initially but took a couple of years to get my life properly back on track.

OP I’m so sorry for your loss.

I took two weeks off when my DF died and with hindsight it really wasn’t long enough - I really struggled and would have benefitted from more time (as you’ve mentioned, there is just so much to do sorting things out, organising the funeral etc, and personally with hindsight I could have then used some more time once all that was dealt with to actually just rest, grieve and have some quiet reflection), but I wasn’t that long in a new job and didn’t have the confidence to take more - my employer was really good and absolutely told me to take whatever time I needed but because I was so new and junior I just felt like they would be expecting me back. Everyone grieves differently, so of course for some being back at work and in a normal routine is helpful. What I would say based on what you’ve said about intense/volatile situations at work - personally when I went back to work after my DF died, I found when work got super busy and stressful I was less resilient, and it made my grief more intense too in those moments. So as it sounds like you’re very self aware and anticipating similar, please do take more time if you can and look after yourself.

Again, you are being totally inappropriate. Please go away and find another board to be confrontational on.

@newbie202020 completely agree, but apparently here only supportive replies are allowed and those pointing out that it's impossible to know now if you'll still be unable to work due to grief in a month's time are removed.

Mine died within the same week. I had that week off work then back in. I needed to feel normal again after a very shocking and traumatic couple of weeks. Al

I’m self employed. When DF died I took 5 days prior to him dying to be with him and then a week. Needed the time but also to help my DM.

I was on 2 weeks hols (mostly at home) when mum deteriorated and she died at the end of those 2 weeks so I added on a week off. I felt ready to go back as find it easier to be busy and my brain occupied.

Oh and day of funeral for DF plus day after and I’ll do the same for DM (2 days).

I took 5 days off.

I had six weeks off when my dad died, didn’t take a day off when my mum died. There’s no right or wrong answer to this.

im sorry for your loss. I was still crying the night before going back to work after my dad died and didn’t feel ready but looking back I’m glad I went back. I think getting back into a routine helped and on reflection maybe if I’d gone back a couple of weeks earlier it might have been better. I don’t think you’ll potentially be at a point where you feel ready, but you just kind of have to do it.

5 days when my dad died as I needed to travel home and make arrangements and attend the funeral. I was keen to get back to work afterwards as i’m someone who would rather keep busy and be around others in my normal routine. It’s the opposite for others. There are no rules. When I lost one of my close friends this year I had to take 2 days off work as I couldn’t stop crying. I had longer to get used to my dad dying and he was a lot older.

Mum died on Thursday and I started a new job on the next Monday - I simply had to go. It was awful to be honest, I have no idea how I put on a brave face and met my new colleagues. I told a few people but I asked for it to be kept quiet as I couldn’t deal with strangers being awkwardly sympathetic!

It was utterly mad - working in the day, looking after kids, and dealing with my mum’s funeral and affairs (I have no other family in Uk so it was all on me). Dh was sympathetic and helpful but I don’t think he really understood how deeply I was affected.

Id absolutely love to know if there’s a difference in the average amount of time off taken by men vs women when they suffer the death of a parent.