How long did you take off from work when your parents died?

[pinkcupbluelid]

Just that really, I nursed DF through end of life and was present when he died. His death was unexpected. My DM died when I was a toddler. I have sunk into depression and been referred to Therapy from my healthcare provider.
Been off from work 3 weeks and I intend on taking another 3, so I can focus on my own mental health. I feel guilty for not working, although I have full pay and DW supports my decision 100%. For clarity I work in the public sector, my job is very intense.

TIA.

Died on the 5th, buried on the 10th. Think I had a full week off.

I spent about 2 months travelling back and forth after a sudden decline. I was working in the mornings and at the hospital in the afternoons (restricted visiting hours). More for something to occupy my brain than anything. Through all of it, my manager and the CEO were unequivocal that I should do whatever I needed and be wherever I needed to, when I needed - and that work was a distant priority x after that.

Afterwards I didn't take any official time off, but I probably sat round staring into space a bit, and I was treated with genuine compassion. Not once have I ever been asked to fill in a bereavement leave request or even document what I was doing during that time. And come to think of it, I don't actually know how the things I dropped were held together in my absence but again, I have never been troubled by them about it. Being back at work was good for me though, the structure and normality was better than doing nothing.

Let go of the guilt of work, your employer is supportive, life will go on eventually but we never truly lose our loved one's, they're embedded in our body and minds, I often laugh when I think of DM, she was very funny, or feel loved remembering different times, their death becomes part of you, love never dies. It takes time, the brain is fascinating at protecting us from raw pain.

9 weeks signed off sick to do unexpected end of life care, then a further 3 weeks after he died. Returned on a phased return which massively helped. I don’t regret a thing. Work were very supportive and it made me want to go back even part time.

I’m really sorry for your loss OP. The best advice I’d give is that you know yourself. Trust how you feel. Consider a phased return on a fit note if you’re thinking of going back but not sure how you’ll feel. A fit note can specify what elements of your job you can and cannot do. Mine specified remote working and reduced hours x

I was given 3 days (teacher). I had to take an extra day as it was an unexpected death and it took longer to get the official paperwork. I was allowed a day off for the funeral but I had to apply in writing and include proof. There was no guarantee that permission would be given as it was at the discretion of governors.

2 weeks for my mum but she died v suddenly when I was a teenager & I couldn't face going in. My dad died on Christmas Eve 6 years ago so I just went back at the end of the holidays (education). Wish I'd taken longer. Some people were telling I shouldn't be in but it was good to get back into a routine in some ways

A few days.

When i was teaching, my.mom died in the summer holidays. I took 2 days off- one for the funeral. This suited me, because work was somewhere I could 'forget' temporarily. This was the case when my partner passed away unexpectedly. Everyone is different. Be kind to yourself everyone.

I once met lady who lost every male member of her family in a shipping disaster (husband, brother, father, father in law, uncle and more)

She was back at work the next day "because what else would I do"

Everybody is different

1 week for each of my parents. 8 days for my son’s death. Looking back I should have taken longer but I’d just started a new job a month before he died aged 7.

I took 2 days off and then one for the funeral, which was three weeks later. I spent a few days dipping in and out of work for funeral arrangements as well. This was the first death of a parent, I suspect second time round it would be different.

So my dad died this month. I took off the day he died (had a phone call the night before). I have taken just over two weeks off (and his death had traumatic circumstances and I work in healthcare). Had a uni course to start so have to be back- and moping at grieving at home isn't helping anyway.... His funeral is next week (have no time off for it as on a non working day)....
I will be back it itu seeing patients similar to him this week...... I have cried at one patient last week who asked how I was (have treated her for 12 years!!)....

My dad died earlier this year. He lived 400 miles away. I left work on the Tuesday, travelled on the Wednesday and he died on the Thursday. I was back at work the following Thursday. I was already on AL just before his funeral for a pre planned holiday, I just took a few extra days at the end. So altogether it was about 8 days.

I'm so sorry for your loss. There's no right or wrong answers here. It's how you feel.
With my dad it was 7 working days, it was sudden and I was in mid 20s. This was in the 90s and employers were not particularly understanding.
With my mum it was 4 weeks but I was living abroad so it was different.
My sister died in January and I only took 3 days, that was a mistake 😔 she was everything to me and while I'm ok on the outside I'm not coping at all in reality... but I feel I've missed the boat in terms of compassion from work.
Take the time you need xx

With my Dad, I had 10 days bereavement leave from work, I then took a further 6 weeks with a note from Doctor. I then returned on a phased return. There was no way I could have done my job. I was all over the place. I teach in a tricky school and you have to be able to cope with it. My head at the time was amazing, the hours I sat crying in their office, and the support I had from my colleagues helped me get back to normality. It took a long time though. Everyone is different though.

I took two weeks of annual leave to spend time with my dad as he was dying, and then two weeks of compassionate leave after he died. In hindsight it wasn’t long enough - I rushed back in to normal life and it hit me like a ton of bricks around three months later. If I could go back in time, I’d take a month off, to process and grieve.

My mum died at Christmas. I had cared for her through her illness but we weren’t expecting to lose her so quickly, I remember before she got ill there was a discussion around bereavement leave for a colleague who had lost a parent and I thought ‘if it was my mum you’d not see me for 6 months at least’.

In the event though I was back in work before the funeral - I guess I just didn’t really know what else to do! Because of the Christmas break that was actually about 10 days after she died. I then took a couple of days off the day before, of and after the funeral and went back in the following week - but my body basically started shouting loudly about it. I got one awful virus or infection after another and ended up being signed off for about 8 weeks in total.

I'm sorry for your loss @pinkcupbluelid , and I'm glad your employer seems understanding x
I'm self employed and had coincidentally taken a week off, my mum died on the Wednesday of that week. It wasnt unexpected but it was quicker than I thought it would happen. I returned to work about 10 days later, and while I did most of the dead admin on behalf of my elderly father, i didnt have a house or belongings etc to sort.
My job is easy though, and I can choose my own hours to an extent, was a relief to get back to earning as well, I think in a more pressured stressful or employed role I would have need longer.

I went back the following week. My dad said that’s what she would have wanted

Life goes on and staying off work wouldn’t bring her back

I’m se and seemed pointless to take time off and struggled financially

when dh died. I went back after 3w as knew I would have to go back eventually. I didn’t have dc so seemed pointless to mope at home all alone so was better for me to be at work again

Tbh Even If I was really rich I think I would have still gone back when I did.

To get back to some kind of normality

5 days including the funeral. It was fine for me. Somebody else might need 5 months. Do what you need.

@pinkcupbluelid

My Dad died just over 2 weeks ago, I had the week before he died off as I was visiting in hospital and now been signed off. Aiming to go back a week after the funeral but I don’t know yet or will do phased return. I think I could work but if I was put in a situation where I was challenged by some knob stakeholders i would probably crumble.

I don’t know, it’s so hard, I feel empty but still need to a daughter, sister, wife and mum myself and I don’t feel I’ve processed it yet as i just have little time to sit and comprehend it

1/2 a day off school for my dad and day for the funeral, nothing for my mum as I’m self employed, she didn’t want a funeral.

Each time, I took the day after they died, and then the day of the funeral.

But, as others have said, there are so many different circumstances that factor in to it. At the time, I was working 3 days a week, so had days off anyway to deal with practicalities. I have siblings who also were able to share the things that needed to be done. Parents lived locally which obviously makes things easier.

I also found routine helped me. Sitting around for weeks wouldn't have undone the situation. I wouldn't be "over it" in a month or 3 months or 6 months so I'm not sure how expecting work to just keep paying me for months whilst I do nothing would have helped me.
As I say, I appreciate someone having to do everything on their own, 200 miles from home under time pressure to empty a council house or whatever would be in very different circumstances. But for me having weeks off work wouldn't have helped me at all.

Returned for maternity leave the day before my mums funeral, awful!

I took one day off for my father's funeral. I was retired by the time my mother died and there was no funeral for her anyway.