How long did you take off from work when your parents died?

[pinkcupbluelid]

Just that really, I nursed DF through end of life and was present when he died. His death was unexpected. My DM died when I was a toddler. I have sunk into depression and been referred to Therapy from my healthcare provider.
Been off from work 3 weeks and I intend on taking another 3, so I can focus on my own mental health. I feel guilty for not working, although I have full pay and DW supports my decision 100%. For clarity I work in the public sector, my job is very intense.

TIA.

When my DF passed away I took 2 weeks between then and the funeral. I asked work for one day off after the funeral but boss was being a twat about it so got myself signed off for 2 weeks.

I am not sure how much it actually helps taking several weeks off after the death of a parent. I know everyone is different, but I found some relief in carrying out day to day life. I am sure doing nothing would not have worked for me. I took time off in the week before my mother died. That was more important.

Five days including nursing her. It's not enough but that's all I got.

It’s how much time you need that matters, not really how much others took, personally stopped off for two weeks after DF died, had retired when DM died so different, in hindsight, I probably could have done with a bit longer after DFs death

Could you try and agree a partial return to work? I returned to work about a week after my mum died (I’d had about 3 weeks off over the previous 6 months due to her illness but the death itself happened over Christmas so I was off work anyway) but I was put on non-client-facing duties until after the funeral, which was about a month later. Clients were told I wasn’t back yet but I kept busy and did work to support my team.

I was fairly young and had recently started a new job so I didn’t want to push it, but to be honest I would have gone mad without work to do.

My dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly. At the time we worked from home 1 day a week. I just arranged to wfh for the week after. I didnt want to take any time off as I needed the distraction but I could focus on tasks where I didnt have to speak to anyone. I think its a totally individual thing and you need to give yourself however long you need.

I took a day, I like to be busy, me being at home moping around did me no good, my sister however took months which I think was far too long, but we are all different x

My mum died unexpectedly on a Thursday. I took the rest of that week and the following week off. I also had a few days off around the time of the funeral.

Sounds a bit excessive... at least approx 4 months? How do you plan to get signed off for that?!

3 days for my mum, one day for my dad, three days for my FIL (in the USA).

I wasn't involved in any of the arrangements, so didn't need additional time off.

My dad died in the middle of the summer holidays so I didn’t take any time off.

I took 1 day off when my mum died and 1 day for the funeral. (She lived locally)
I welcomed the distraction of being very very busy at work at the time. Frankly taking any more time off just would have been horrible, too much time to over-think things.

My mum died at the start of September, at that point I’d been signed off for 6 weeks while she was in hospital/hospice. I then got another note for 6 weeks and my manager said I could use bereavement leave on top of that.

Everyone is different though, my brother took 3 weeks off.

It’s not really your place to say what is or isn’t excessive. But it’s very straightforward to be signed off by the GP for a family members illness/death.

Except this is a discussion forum, so anyone is entitled to offer their opinion, even if you don't happen to agree with it.

2 years ... honestly when my dad died I had a breakdown. Take as much time as you need

I'm guessing that all these people saying they only took a day or two, weren't the last one standing, who had to arrange the funeral and everything else, tie up all the financials and probate etc, clear a house (which in my case was two hours away) and just generally do everything with no help,while still grieving as deeply as OP is.

This isn't a competition for who's toughest or most resilient. Not only are we all different, we all have very different situations to deal with, and different amounts of practical support

Nope, even on a discussion forum, it’s still not anyone’s place to say if another person took too long or too short a time off after the death of a parent. You can just say how long you took off work and move on (like I will be doing now). Grief is different for everyone.

This is so true. I had 4 weeks to clear out 40 years worth of stuff from my mums rented house on my own. Which was about 2 hours away from where I live as well. I couldn’t have physically managed it if I’d also had to go to work, let alone emotionally.

Actually, I was. I answered the question honestly. I wasn’t trying to be the ‘toughest’ I just don’t do well moping around, as I said.

This board is, mostly, a comforting space to voice feelings about how we’re feeling or dealing with huge losses.

The OP asked a question and posters are kindly posting their situations. I think it’s not in the spirit to then comment on their responses. Everyone has their own way to work through or deal with their grief.

Most boards on this site are ok for “questioning” responses. But this board really should tread a little more gently.

OP - it’s great that you seem to have a supportive employer. Please don’t feel guilty - it’s such a difficult time to navigate and everyone copes differently. Hopefully, you taking the time you need now means that, when you’re ready, you will be in a much better place to resume your role.

My dad died at 54, I took a week.
My mum was killed in a car accident at 69 and we were liaising with coroner, arranging funeral, selling and emptying the house etc. I took three weeks.
I’m a nurse.

2 weeks with my dad as it coincided with Christmas, 3 weeks with my mum as it coincided with some leave already planned. There’s no way I could’ve gone back sooner, my mind wasn’t in the right place to sit and concentrate.

One week for my dad to support mum and two weeks for my mum as there were lots of practical things to sort. When my DH died I had 3 weeks off work, followed by 2 weeks school holiday and then back to work. It really wouldn’t have helped me to be off longer and there was nobody to cover my job so the work piled up.

I agree that every situation is different, I heard that my dad died while I was at work, i carried on working. But he wasn't a nice man and I hadn't spoken to him in years. When my father in law died I had a day off the next day. Take the time you need