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Original poster

How long did you take off from work when your parents died?

140 replies

pinkcupbluelid · 27/09/2025 17:41

Just that really, I nursed DF through end of life and was present when he died. His death was unexpected. My DM died when I was a toddler. I have sunk into depression and been referred to Therapy from my healthcare provider.
Been off from work 3 weeks and I intend on taking another 3, so I can focus on my own mental health. I feel guilty for not working, although I have full pay and DW supports my decision 100%. For clarity I work in the public sector, my job is very intense.

TIA.

OP posts:
Changedasouting · 27/09/2025 17:44

My dad died 3 weeks ago I have no intention of going back this year

Everythingthatmatters · 27/09/2025 17:46

I took off a few days. Didn’t have a lot of choice as I agreed with my employer that I would have the time off to nurse him in the 3 weeks before his death. This was on the condition I went back to work immediately after

MaturingCheeseball · 27/09/2025 17:47

My father very conveniently (!) died on a bank holiday weekend. I took the following Tuesday off and of course the day of his funeral. I was told that I only had one day’s bereavement leave and the other day was unpaid. I was in my early 20s and at home. 35 years later I’m still fuming.

Pancakeflipper · 27/09/2025 17:47

You have to take what you need.
Each situation is different.

My dad died and I had taken a week off before he died to trave to be with him. I was back at work days after his death. But I had made my peace with it and my mum is still alive and I have siblings to help us get the practical stuff and prop each other up on the emotional stuff.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 27/09/2025 17:48

Sorry for your loss. It’s a tough time.

i was off for 5 weeks after my second parent died. We get up to the funeral off from work automatically and then I self certified for one more week. I definitely wasn’t at full steam when I went back but if I didn’t go back then, I wasn’t sure when I would.

OxfordInkling · 27/09/2025 17:49

2 weeks. Could have taken longer but I didn’t need it for logistics and I’d rather be in my routine.

EmpressaurusKitty · 27/09/2025 17:49

I took a fortnight after my mum died, plus some compassionate leave before her death.

But I was allowed to WFH until I felt ready to come back to the office, & it sounds as if you might not have that option.

HuskyNew · 27/09/2025 17:51

None for emotional reasons.
I was wfh and took time to make phone calls and admin as needed over a few weeks.

sodifficult1 · 27/09/2025 17:52

I lost both my parents years ago now, my mum when I was 25 working full time. Work were good and let me take time off the week before as her condition deteriorated quickly not the whole day I would go in for the morning and then get the train lunch time to London to spend the afternoon with her. The day she died I got a call at work from dad to say get there quick my boss drove me to the station and I got there just in time. That was a Thursday, took Friday off back to work Monday took one day for the funeral. I would also point out I was 6 months pregnant.

dad died 7 years later I worked morning only same company. He was ill a long time but the death quick. My stepmother called me in the evening when he had passed in the afternoon. I took a day off and then 2 fir the funeral as I had to travel

times have changed and time is given off to recover. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. DH lost his mother and he was given 3 weeks off I don’t think it helped him, going to work you get on with things I know it sounds hard, but I believe it’s better to try and work if you can.

before anyone jumps on me and says I’m hard, I loved my mum so much, my world fell apart and 40 years later I miss her like hell

Pianoaholic · 27/09/2025 17:53

I took a week off when my mum was dying so I could be there and a week off after. Then a day off for the funeral obviously.
It was nearly 3 years ago now, and I find it hard to think back on at this time of year.
My dad died 6 years ago, at the start of the summer holidays (I work mainly in term time) so I didn't take time off then as I wasn't working.

Beamur · 27/09/2025 17:54

I was refused compassionate leave as I nursed my dying mother. I think I was entitled to maybe 1 week bereavement leave but ended up being signed off work for three months as I was in severe pain. Very much exacerbated by stress.

seaduck · 27/09/2025 17:55

It's completely reasonable to take what you feel you need within your companys policy of course. If you feel you need longer, see your GP.
I also had time off with my mum in the last couple of weeks before she died. As it was, she died on a Friday and I was back in work on the Monday as I hated the period between her death and the funeral and wanted to feel a bit normal after a pretty traumatic couple of weeks (not saying this is a healthy way to deal with grief at all but I did what worked for me). My colleagues were brilliant. I did take a couple of days to sort out funeral stuff and the day of the funeral.

MellowPinkDeer · 27/09/2025 17:57

She died on the Monday , I was back to work Thursday. I had 2 days off over the funeral. That was that.

Original poster
pinkcupbluelid · 27/09/2025 17:59

Thank you all for commenting and I’m truly sorry for your losses.
I don’t have any siblings or family near by to help so I’m packing his house up and dealing with all appointments alone, likewise I planned and funded the funeral alone too. My job can be very volatile at times and although I miss the routine, I am concerned that I’ll have a complete breakdown if I’m involved in a situation / incident.

OP posts:
Catsknowbest · 27/09/2025 18:01

10 years ago for my Mum I took 3 weeks..This year for my Dad I took 3 weeks but that was mainly sorting his affairs. I then ended up having another 2 weeks off 3 weeks after returning to work due to how it affected me. Just no hard and fast rule.

TulipTuesday · 27/09/2025 18:01

When my mum died I was already on annual leave for 1 week. She died on the Thursday so I was back to work on the Monday.
I only worked part time then as my kids were young, so my hours were 6-10pm. It felt doable as I was still at home for the majority of the day so able to deal with any admin stuff. I didn’t even think about the emotional aspect and didn’t appreciate how much it would affect me until much later.

With my dad I took one day off. Then, like a pp when I asked for the day off for the funeral was told I’d already had the 1 day I was entitled to. My then boss even tried to argue that I could just come to work afterwards.

Catsknowbest · 27/09/2025 18:05

Sounds like you're doing the right things, I also had all packing up to do and my job is emotionally volatile at times- I definitely went back too soon initially this year and then couldn't cope well but I do have an exceptionally empathetic employer and adjustments were also made when I did return.

Catsknowbest · 27/09/2025 18:06

Wow........😟

Nourishinghandcream · 27/09/2025 18:09

Everyone is different

My company have (had.... I am retired now) a totally flexible policy and will give paid leave for whatever is considered reasonable (weeks if required).

Ddad died unexpectedly while I was at work. Went home, came back 2-days later and then took another day off for the funeral.
Dmum died after an illness so expected. Took 3-days off and then another day for the funeral
Both parents were dearly loved but I could see no purpose moping around, I liked to keep busy and set about dealing with their affairs later in my own time.

A colleague at work was very vocal about not being given a paid week off for a (very) distant relative (think father's cousin), not even someone they knew but they thought they should have the time off as they were distant family. Not even certain what they were going to do with the week as they were not grieving (laughing & joking as normal) and not going to the funeral.

Aussiegold · 27/09/2025 18:10

Father, a week, mother one day and one day for the funeral. My delightful (ex)employer didn't pay me any bereavement leave for my mother but said I would take more time as it was saving her money.

FlossTea · 27/09/2025 18:11

I'm so sorry for your loss, my mum died a few weeks ago and I'm struggling trying to fend off depression - it's so hard. I took 2 weeks off after her death but one was prebooked annual leave. Her death was not unexpected, there were 6 weeks where we knew she was going to die, they coincided with the summer holidays where i already had some leave booked, so i managed to spend most of that time not working/ being with her, and felt quite ready to return to the familiarity of routine a couple of weeks after her death. It's free time I'm really struggling with.

I honestly don't think there's any right or wrong answer, every situation is different, and if you need more time you should take it.

NotLadyEleanor · 27/09/2025 18:12

Not long enough (new job) and needed longer.

oldclock · 27/09/2025 18:13

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SandyY2K · 27/09/2025 18:15

4 months.

I couldn't have functioned effectively any sooner than that.

AmadeustheAlpaca · 27/09/2025 18:15

Many years ago in the 1980s my mother died very suddenly of a heart attack. Completely unexpected. I worked for a very large organisation. HR allowed me one day off as I was organising the funeral. My husband's work allowed him three days compassionate leave in order to help me out. My manager and his manager complained at the HR decision and because they complained I was granted three days leave in total.
I went to my GP who granted me an additional week of sick leave, he would have given me more but I decided I wanted to return to work.