How long did you take off from work when your parents died?

[pinkcupbluelid]

Just that really, I nursed DF through end of life and was present when he died. His death was unexpected. My DM died when I was a toddler. I have sunk into depression and been referred to Therapy from my healthcare provider.
Been off from work 3 weeks and I intend on taking another 3, so I can focus on my own mental health. I feel guilty for not working, although I have full pay and DW supports my decision 100%. For clarity I work in the public sector, my job is very intense.

TIA.

I have a large team so I have had a few people experience bereavements. There's a big range.

One person took 1 day only - he didn't have much of a relationship with his dad. Most, I would say take 2-3 weeks. A few need longer.

I try to be as flexible as possible. Often it ends up being sick leave - signed off work for mental health reasons.

You know absolutely nothing about their circumstances. Why not query that before making a huge judgement.

I was given 2 days when my mother died in the 1980s. Big company.

2 months before diagnosed and chose to die rather than have treatment and 2 months after.
I was off for 4 months in total.

5 days off school? Plus one for the funeral.

Im so sorry for your loss OP. When my mum died, I took 2 weeks off and again on my 40th birthday months later when grief hit me again unexpectedly. There is no right or wrong, take what you need - I hope your employer is supportive, it makes a world of difference.

I returned the week after my DFs funeral.

I have a pretty full on job managing risk to others. Had I been in work I could not have stepped away from that. Plus I was not best placed to deal with it at that time.

After the 5/6 weeks I was off I was happy to return...I knew I had to because the longer I would have been off the harder it would have been.

Sorry for your loss.

I think the key thing is that everyone and every situation is different.

I think generally people take between a few days and a few (2-3) weeks, depending on their circumstances and whether maintaining their routine helps them or not.

And there are plenty of people who understandably are off a lot longer, up to a few months, but in those cases they are off sick with a fit note because the situation has genuinely made them ill, either with depression or stress or stress assenting another condition (and not “taking the piss” as another poster suggested).

But why, it's very sad to lose a parent and I am sorry, I've lost both, but what are you going to do for the rest of the year, sit around and feel sad? I took a couple weeks off. It takes ages to get over it but life goes on 💐

Self employed : work was shuffled but all still had to be done

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I took 2 weeks, but at this distance I can’t remember how much of it was sick leave. Before that I took 2 months after Dh died very suddenly, and after that I went part time for about 3 years. Tbh 2 months was very short. I’m in a healthcare job and it’s important that I am fit to practice - it sounds to me as if you are going to need a significant chunk of time. I would get a fit note for whatever your GP considers reasonable, and request a referral to Occupational Health before you decide to go back.

I was lucky as it was during lockdown so I didn't have to see anyone, it is a difficult time, it depends on the person.
I am sorry for your loss.

My DM has died recently. I was entitled to 5 days compassionate leave. I used two of them to be with her in her final days, two of them immediately afterwards and one for her funeral which was this week. However, I already had a week's annual leave booked shortly after she died and so I had a three/ four week period when I've worked very little.

I also only work four days/week and WFH doing quite flexible hours so it's felt manageable.

I took 2 days as that is all the bereavement leave I got. This was just a couple of years ago. I found it very little. A sibling did all the organising. Emotionally I was OK but still it seemed very mean, time wise.

Thanks everyone, I understand the situation is different for all but I’m struggling with the guilt from both sides.
Guilt to continue with life after his passing (he was my world) and guilt at letting my employers down. I am signed off currently and my employer is being so kind, supportive and gentle with me. There’s no pressure at all to return until I’m ready.

Two days off for dad and a day for mum. I’d rather be on my routine.

We’ve had a few people lose their dads in the team this year and 5 weeks seems to be the norm. Another friend took 3 weeks for her mum but felt she’d benefit from getting back into routine. I’ll admit I’m surprised at those taking months before going back to work. I’d worry I’d just be moping about and that’s worse for my my, but we’re all different.

Take all the time you need Op, you will never regret being with them in their final moments! I was
incredibly close to my mum and had 5 months total, including a two months before when I have to move back home and nurse my mum before she died, with no help from anyone else. My GP signed me off. I don’t regret a single moment and did not feel guilty about it. I will never see her again. I came to MN for support while my mum was actively dying from a very fast moving, aggressive lung cancer, which had spread to her spine, kidney's and brain. I was told I was a disgusting person and taking advantage of my employer by not being at work. Fuck them.

Being on sick leave can be really hard. I once had to take a two week chunk off for stress- a friend died at the same age as Dh had, and after his funeral I just walked out. I don’t remember much about that two weeks except the sense of guilt and dragging myself out on walks. Does your workplace offer access to counselling? It isn’t always recommended early in bereavement but I think for you it might be a very good idea - it made a big difference to me.

Couple days
Any more and I've not been paid and I just can't afford that

What a vile comment.

I had a week off work, and did all work wfh the following week. Colleagues were very supportive, took meetings for me, covered work that could not wait. I have also had a supportive manager when it has come to things like solicitors appointments.

FIL died 2 weeks ago and I took 2 days off and DH took 5 days off. We both sat around wondering why we were off and both got bored and felt like spare parts.

@yesvaleryGosh that’s awful, who on earth said that! I’m so sorry for what you went through but agree, those final moments was the most painful, precious time but I don’t regret it for a second.

2 weeks in total comprising of 1 week when DM died and 1 week around the funeral. If I wanted further time it would have had to be sick leave but honestly I couldn’t justify doing that as I was sad but still capable of working.