View open coffin or not?

[Darkclothes]

We have the option of viewing the open or closed coffin for a close relative. Any pros/cons of either decision please? If you viewed one open- did you regret it?

My dad made my siblings and I promise that we will not let anyone view him after he’s died. He went to see my grandad in the funeral home and was completely traumatised by it, he said it looked nothing like him and it took him years to get the image out of his head.

I’ve chosen to avoid any open coffin viewings as a result.

Have lost a few older family members. Only chose to see one open coffin. The last time (prior to coffin viewing) I had seen the relative they were in hospital, looking grey and gaunt and vomiting, with wires and tubes etc and I didn't want that to be my lasting memory. I called the funeral directors before going to view and they told me they'd seen photos and he looked much more like his usual self. In that case I was glad I went.

Im a nurse and see people who have passed away frequently and I personally wouldn't want to see my close relative in an open coffin. I would rather choose to remember them looking how they looked alive. Sorry for your loss x

I wouldn’t.
I was with DH as he died. Once he had gone he no longer looked like himself at all. It bothers me.

I bitterly regret going against my instincts and seeing my late partner in the coffin. I can't get that image out of my head

My nan died in tbe nineties and my family allowed "viewings" at the funeral home. I was a teenager at the time and couldn't think of anything worse than seeing my nan in that way. I still feel the same. The person isn't there anymore, they've gone, so what purpose does it serve? They often look nothing like how they did in life, and that's the last image you have of them?

I know it's common in Catholic families to have an open casket but nope, not for me.

I viewed my mum and wish I never had it haunts me

When my Nana died one of my aunties wasn’t sure about seeing her. My dad had already gone in and offered to go back again with her. She accepted his offer and said she was glad she saw her one last time.

Not offering an opinion one way or another, just thought I’d share.

I’ve viewed twice. Both times I have regretted it. I’ll never do it again.

FIL’s funeral was in Lanzarote as that is where PILs emigrated to when they retired. The coffin had a porthole in the lid. Totally freaked me out!!

I found it helpful as a final goodbye. I much prefer it to having relatives just 'vanish'.

The body is cold except for the hair, but otherwise it's prepared for you.

I don't see the point in going to 'view' the closed casket. Sounds like that's just viewing the wood.

Sorry for your loss. I think there are a lot of factors. Have the people going to view seen the person recently? Would they have better memories without seeing them.
I've viewed people before like my grandad, I felt 'lucky' to see my dad before the funeral home arrived but I didn't see him following his PM in his coffin.

We as a family don’t like them.
As a compromise, we have the funeral parlor show a “viewing” for a day before the funeral, which is closed casket.
We also prefer graveside services as opposed to church services.
That way, anyone who wants to see is able to see — unless the deceased has expressed that they don’t want this, which most of us have.
I don’t want ANYBODY looking at MY corpse.
We only have one funeral parlor in our town and they’re wonderful - they’re thoughtful and kind and they make sure to handle every detail down to the last, most delicate item.
I’d recommend that you find a mortuary that caters to the living as well as to the dead.

Well I’ve been looking into open coffins since my grandmother died when I was 4. But I’m Irish and it is normal here. The only time they are not open is a violent death.

I saw my Grandmother having been assured ' it just looks like she's asleep' and was absolutely horrified. Took a long time to get the image out of my head. It does not look like they are asleep, it looks like they are dead, to be blunt.

Very much the norm here (Ireland), I've always felt a need to view anyone close I've lost, particularly my best friend. I find it helpful.

There's no right or wrong answer though.

I sat with my mums coffin. She died unexpectedly in horrible conditions. There was warning, no goodbye, no illness. I wanted some last time with her. Same with my dad. He just died with no warning at 65. I just got the call and there was no warning and no goodbye so I viewed him too. I think it's very a personal choice

I saw my dad. He no longer looked like him. It took me ages to get him back in my head

Ew, no.

My parents always said they really regretted seeing dead family members and it was always the image of them left.

I would loathe to think of people gawping at my dead body.

I saw my brother in an open coffin after he died aged 50, it was the most peace I'd seen him in years. So pleased to have seen him.
My dad died last Christmas and I didn't go and see him as I'd seen him happy and healthy looking just a few days before. There's no right or wrong. It's entirely personal.

I'm so glad I saw my mum in an open coffin before her cremation. She looked pretty, peaceful and content to me. I held her hand and chatted with her.

I was sad to see my best friend in a closed coffin, but her manner of death meant that was respectful to her. It felt weird talking to a wooden box.

My ex's mum had his dad in an open coffin on the dining room table for the 10 days between his death and funeral. She gained a great deal of peace from this.

I don't think anyone can tell you how you will be if the coffin is open. Everyone has their own unique reaction to it. If you know what you're prepared for, I think it's easier.

There aren't any pros or cons it's entirely up to yourself but I'm Irish so it's totally normal here but it's cultural and I understand why you wouldn't be comfortable with it.

I sat with my mum's coffin closed to say goodbye. I have never regretted not seeing her in the coffin. I have all my memories and photos of her lifetime.

I saw my Mum about 24 hours after she died. I wish I hadn't. She looked like a corpse.

It is a very personal decision. I actually went to see my grandfather in the funeral home after he had died, I was probably about 8 or 9. He really just looked like he was sleeping. It was strange but also comforting. I wasn’t scared or upset. But it really depends on who the person is, what your relationship was etc.