View open coffin or not?

[Darkclothes]

We have the option of viewing the open or closed coffin for a close relative. Any pros/cons of either decision please? If you viewed one open- did you regret it?

I'd decline to view the open one. But of course it can seem comforting to some people. There's no right or wrong in bereavement.

I had the option of seeing my dad's body when he passed, but I didn't think it would be helpful. I was a child. Maybe now I'd feel a bit different.

My mum said he looked like he was asleep, but he had an injury on his nose. Obviously when he fell in cardiac arrest.

I think it's nicer to just remember people when they were alive as their body as only a vessel.

I also witnessed someone committing suicide in front of me when I was 4 so I don't like the idea of seeing a dead body.

I was also traumatised when I saw my uncle. I was very close to him but it was the most awful experience.

Yes, and it was unpleasant, but was supporting someone else who wanted to go. I wouldn’t choose to at all, it’s nothing like the person you knew. They had done her make up in a way she wouldn’t have liked at all, so that made it even worse because it felt like a bit of a betrayal. Would have preferred not to know that happened.

I'm American and nearly every funeral (actually it's at the wake the day before) Ive been to it has been open casket. That is the common thing to do here. People I've known who have been cremated though there was no viewing before they were cremated.

What do you want?

I never saw my Mum after she died. People said i'd regret it and it would help me to process it. That was 1987. I have never regretted that decision at all. My last memory of her is her sitting up in bed, alive.

That's surprising, I'm from a different culture and I always want to see the person in the coffin. I need that, so the fact they're really not around anymore can sink in.
I've heard of people who had a closed coffin and their kids had a much harder time to accept the bereavement.

It depends on who it is and why you want to see them as to if it's a good idea or not.

I chose not to see any of the many family and friends after they passed, including my father who died a few months ago. When I lost my OH just a few weeks after my dad, very suddenly, I needed to see him. I knew there was no other way I'd ever truly believe it.

I ended up sitting with him for about 4-5 hours. I have no regrets about it. I also have no regrets about not seeing anyone else.

Do what your heart tells you to do.

Only immediately afterwards, not after embalming etc.
We are all being cremated, I don’t want people to see me when I go.
I’m quite surprised they would do it after two months, I would think there would be changes in that time. I’d rather remember them the way they were.
Sorry for your loss op.

@DoAWheelie this was me, I had to see my mum to believe she was really gone as my brain wouldn't accept it. Awful
Sorry for your loss

I agree, I went to see my Dad and I still regret it almost 20 years later.
I felt as though I should, in order to say goodbye, but I wish I'd just kept the last memories of him as living ones. All my siblings feel the same.
I'd say if you're having doubts OP, trust your instincts x

The first one I saw was my mum, I was 10 and think it gave me some understanding around death.

Also went to see my nana to support my grandad, then when my grandad died my brother wanted to go so I agreed to support him. It was a fair few weeks after he died so that was particularly grim. I wouldn't again for myself but to support someone else

I did not want to see my Mum or Dad and have no regrets about that. I have given my husband strict instructions to make sure no-one views me.

My FIL died recently. His son, brother and two grandchildren chose to view him, while his wife, other son and other grandchild chose not to. As far as I know they're all happy with their decision - it's a really personal thing.

Same for me, would tell anyone not to view.

I think it's depends on how you feel. I'm Irish so I see it as a normal part of the process of accepting that a loved one is dead. But that'd not your culture and you haven't grown up with it and seen dead bodies and heard your relatives talking about how helpful it is, and the experiences of English people in here have been far more negative. So is just go with whatever your gut feeling is.

I went to see my friend in her open coffin she was only 19 when she died suddenly.
I was quite shocked and set back when I saw her. It didn't look like her, well it did but more like a wax work of her. She looked dead. It wasn't a nice experience and I couldn't get her imagine out of my head for weeks.

Not sure if I'd do it again unless it was a very very close family member

I saw both my aunt and my dad.
My aunt looked a bit pinched and white. She was embalmed. She was in a white dress. It was kind of ok. Sad. Made you realise she had actually gone.

My dad wasn't embalmed. He looked quite good. But it is a bit strange.

I was ok with it.

I think a lot of this is cultural. I'm Irish and open coffins are the norm unless the death was very traumatic (with significant injuries). Babies and young children are there at wakes (before the funeral) usually in the deceaseds home. I actually don't find anything scary about a body, but I have been exposed from a young age. I think it helps you process the death.

Personally I wouldn't. I never went to see either of my parents despite much cajoling from my sister.

I always go see (yes been to a lot of close funerals) as it helps for closure.
Though not sure how I'd feel if it was my child

Forgot to add.. it doesn't become my main image of them, I don't think about it. I think of them happy and alive. But it definitely helped for closure.

It is a very personal choice. I have done it once and found it very traumatic but the rest if my family found it a comfort. I will never do it again.

I saw my FIL, bad idea. He'd been ill for a while and looked awful, I was also unprepared for how cold his body would be.

Saw my Dad because I wasn't there when he died and I wanted to see him all smart in his suit, glad I did but it was difficult.

I think I’d feel similar to you. I’d prefer to not take the risk and remember them they way they were.