Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (November 2023)

1000 replies

Crunchymum · 01/11/2023 07:58

I hope no-one minds me starting a new thread, the old one is almost full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4493231-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-a-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread-March-2022?page=39&reply=130357515

As always lots of love and strength and support to you all xxx

Page 39 | For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (March 2022) ) | Mumsnet

I hope no-one minds me starting a new thread, the old one is almost full. [[https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4352163-For-Anyone-Needing-Su...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4493231-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-a-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread-March-2022?page=39&reply=130357515

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket · 06/06/2025 21:40

@kiwiblue it's so hard trying to act "usual" but actually feeling the opposite underneath, totally agree. Hope you have someone you can let in to how you're really feeling though. It's totally unreasonable to think this is something to take a few weeks to get over and then be back to normal when there is no more normal.

LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket · 06/06/2025 21:40

@MrsMcNallysMaureen thank you x

LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket · 06/06/2025 21:42

@Howmanycatsaretoomanycats that sounds an amazing thing to do, just fantastic

Channellingsophistication · 07/06/2025 08:29

I can relate so much with the comments and am so sorry everyone is going through this sadness.

@AttilaTheMeerkat I'm glad your dad's funeral went well. I was thinking of you on Wednesday.

I find it hard to understand that my DM is gone. I feel like if I saw her I wouldnt be surprised.

My DF88 is left. When I would leave their house after visiting, they would both stand at the door waving and it breaks my heart just to see him there and in leaving him. However he is doing well and I'm very focused on looking after him. He comes and stays with us every other weekend and he really enjoys that. For the first time in his life he has to remember to think about what to have for dinner. My DM was very well up to last few days of her life and did everything.

I console myself with thinking how lucky I was to have a kind loving Mum as her who was such a great friend too. I miss our nightly telephone conversations and putting the world to rights.

@Howmanycatsaretoomanycats I think the hike is a great and positive thing to do - good luck!. My DM passed away on the day of the half marathon in our town so I was wondering if I can do it, so you are inspiring me.

JenniferBooth · 08/06/2025 15:06

My DF88 is left. When I would leave their house after visiting, they would both stand at the door waving Flowers
My parents did the same Now DM does it when able to move.

Eight months on im having dreams about my Dad. I dreamed this morning that he was still alive sitting in his chair with his reading glasses on. I went to hug him and told him that i love him.............then i woke up.
Next Sunday is the first Fathers Day without him. Its also my birthday.
22 years ago my 30th birthday was on Fathers Day and DB did a big family barbecue in my parents back garden. Loved sharing this day with my dad when both fell on the same day

ully · 11/06/2025 18:02

Hi All, I hope you all don't mind me posting on this thread, but I can see that we all have the same things in common. Ironically its 17 years today when my mum died, and I was only 25. My dad died too when I was in my 30s (before covid) and its been so strange navigating life without them, especially since having children. I think part of me will never truly accept that they have gone. I've created a free guide for women entitled '10 ways losing a parent changes you'. If you think it might be useful feel free to download it.
grievingdaughtersclub.co.uk/10-ways
I also have a free facebook group too where uk based women can connect and talk about the loss of their parent and support each other, https://www.facebook.com/groups/3588466081454050/
I should add that I am a qualified therapist who has worked with many clients experiencing grief and feel passionate about supporting women through this huge life change. Hope someone finds this helpful.

ully · 11/06/2025 18:07

Also I have created some ideas over on my instagram pages of tips to help mark fathers day for those of us that are grieving to make the day more bearable. Hugs. https://www.instagram.com/p/DKwWNjpsKsF/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (November 2023)
prettybird · 13/06/2025 11:50

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/06/2025 18:57

Citrus💐.

I know, as do many others here know what you mean.

My dad owned an apple phone with two step verification . As none of us knew the code to unlock it, it has remained sealed. Fortunately we found other papers with phone numbers etc on it and he was not one to store photos on it. He was not tech savvy with the phone.

He (like so many I would imagine) was not aware that he could have set up a Legacy Contact but even with that his phone may have been reconfigured back to factory settings. I found this hard to deal with in the very early days.

I do not know anyone whose parent or relative has died overseas or has been involved in overseeing the repatriation process like I have as being the initial point of contact . We do not have a U.K. death certificate nor given a reference for Tell us once. This has all made me feel somewhat apart. I shall raise it in counselling going forward.

I half expect him to turn up with his laptop asking us to fix it or make the screen bigger!.. it pains me to think that will not happen again.

If you know his Apple ID and password, there is a way of getting into his phone. We had the same problem with my dad’s phone (as I’d lost the piece of paper where he’d given me the details Blush) but via a combination of his former lodger who knew some of the details and then dh being able to get into his Mac, we were able to get sufficient details. Still couldn’t get into his phone though - but got round that by buying a new iphone (I was wanting to get one for myself anyway) and then using his Apple ID and password to set up the phone - compete with a new lock screen password Wink

Once we were confident that that had worked, I was able to factory reset his own phone and then re-install it - but this time with a lock screen we could use. So for a short period, there were actually two versions of his phone.

I was then able to clear the “new” phone (which was a iPhone 12Pro rather than an iPhone 12) so I could use the 12Pro (as I’d been planning - and ironically had been discussing with my dad 2 days before he died unexpectedly Sad).

Once I was sure we we had cleared enough/got enough info from his phone, we transferred it onto my old iPhone 7 (hadn’t been confident that all the apps he had would work on a 7) and dh took over the iPhone 12.

YourVividDuck · 24/06/2025 22:50

I’m so sorry for all of your losses. My dad recently passed away suddenly. We were so
so close and I’m lost without him. Grief just comes in waves and I half expect him to come back. There’s so much I’d like to tell him, I just feel like I’m deleting him sorting through his things and violating his privacy. So stupid I know. No point to my post just wanted to say it to people who understand.

IJWMM · 25/06/2025 00:48

@YourVividDuck - firstly, condolences re your dad. Am so sorry you’ve found your way to this board, it’s a place you don’t want to have to find, but everyone here is lovely and understands how you’re feeling.

It’s definitely not stupid to be feeling the way you are re going through his things. It’s heart-wrenching as am sure you want to make sure that you don’t miss a thing but, as you say, it feels an invasion of their privacy. I really struggled with those feelings, but just tried to tell myself that mum loved so much and that, if anyone had to have full view of her life, then she’d trust me to do it and to do it thoroughly and respectfully. It’s a task that is incredibly hard emotionally, but I try to remind myself that the reason it’s so hard is because of the love that I feel for mum.

Everyone handles things differently, and sometimes you can feel a sense of pressure that you need to get everything “sorted”. As long as the important/legal things are in process, don’t feel you have to finalise everything. It’s perfectly ok to, say, keep some stuff aside to revisit a bit further down the line.

For now, just try to be kind to yourself. Grab all the sleep that you can, try to eat something each day, no matter how basic or lazy your choices may seem. And take any offer of support that’s available. And post here - there are no stupid feelings or reactions for what you’re going through, just a lot of people who “get” it.

YourVividDuck · 25/06/2025 07:18

Thank you so much IJWMM it’s so kind of you to leave me a message. Wishing everyone the best day possible.

kiwiblue · 25/06/2025 12:59

@YourVividDuck I'm so sorry for your loss. I think all those feelings are totally normal. I feel exactly the same as you.

Take it step by step and be kind to yourself. I am so emotional this week and keep crying wishing he was still here. I do however feel a bit more together than I did and able to function better, so it does get a little easier, slowly. Work is doable now whereas it was a no go for a few weeks for me.

Thinking of you, hope you have an ok day

YourVividDuck · 25/06/2025 13:04

Thank you Kiwiblue for such a kind message. So sorry for you loss. Sending love to you

AlboRH · 25/06/2025 13:36

Can understand exactly how you feel @YourVividDuck . It's been just over a year without my Dad now and strangely to me I think it feels even more surreal now. It's his birthday this weekend and I don't know how to mark it.

YourVividDuck · 25/06/2025 18:20

Thank you AlboRH I will be thinking of you this weekend.

MrsMcNallysMaureen · 25/06/2025 20:12

Sorry for the loss of your lovely dad @YourVividDuck . I completely understand all of your feelings. Wanting to tell your parent something is so hard. It's the thing that makes me cry the most. I hate the fact that mum's name is already way down the 'recent' list on my phone. Day by day.

YourVividDuck · 25/06/2025 20:17

Thank You Mrs Mcnallysmaureen for you kind message. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum x

such a lovely group of people here, sending love to you all

dmango · 25/06/2025 20:55

So sorry for your loss @YourVividDuck
I echo what others have said it’s a very hard time so please take good care of yourself. Try not to put any pressure on yourself to feel any particular way or do anything you don’t feel up to.

I lost my mum nearly four months ago and I’m still desperate to tell her things and ask what she thinks about decisions I’ve made. I still can’t believe I won’t ever be able to do that.

Look after yourself and take it day by day, posting on this thread and having support from people who understand really does help so keep in touch x

YourVividDuck · 25/06/2025 21:06

Thank you dmango sending love to you so sorry for your loss

BerfyTigot · 25/06/2025 22:34

I can completely relate to wanting to tell mum things that are going on in my life.
And wanting to ask her things about when I was a child and realising that i will never know the answers now.

It was her birthday a week after the funeral and I really didn't know how to mark it. In the end I spent some time researching plants for an area of my garden where I'm going to put a little seat and think of her.

Last night I dreamt that I was talking to her and then woke up and realised that she had died. Took me ages to get back to sleep.

Sometimes I just feel unbearably sad 😔 hope others are doing better xx

LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket · 26/06/2025 10:23

@YourVividDuck I'm so sorry to see your post about the loss of your dad. It's just surreal isn't it, losing a loved one and joining a club no-one wants to be part of.

I stumbled on this thread when my mum died 7 weeks ago, and the urge to post about her, to write about everything, was just compulsive.

The replies really helped me when I was feeling lost and alone, especially after her funeral when it felt like everyone else immediately moved on and got back to "normal", and expected me to as well.

Would you like to tell us anything about your dad? If you do, it would be lovely to hear about him from you.

Make sure to look after yourself and be kind to yourself as much as you can. It's a huge thing to deal with and 7 weeks on still doesn't feel real to me.

LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket · 26/06/2025 10:30

@BerfyTigot what a lovely idea to have a special area of your garden to sit in and think of your mum. I hope it gives you some comfort.

I know what you mean about the overwhelming sadness. I think because I'm functioning fine day to day that others don't realise just how sad I am underneath it all.

YourVividDuck · 26/06/2025 10:44

Thank you so much Letmejustcheckmycitruspocket for your kind message. I’m so sorry for your loss.
my dad was my best mate and a lovely man. I hope you have the best day you can today. Thinking of you

kiwiblue · 26/06/2025 12:02

@BerfyTigot @LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket

I relate so much to what you've both said. I feel unbearably sad quite often and also feel like people expect me to be okay as I'm functioning pretty okay now but I don't feel okay at all :( I even find it hard to talk to DH about it as I kind of think what is the point of saying I just feel so sad...

Earlydarkdays · 26/06/2025 14:37

I’m so sorry for the loss of your Dad @YourVividDuck. It’s awful trying to navigate through the early days with all the emotions that seem to wash over you.

I lost my Dad suddenly 8 months ago and am functioning ‘normally’ in day to day life, but thoughts of him are often in my head and I find I revisit moments frequently. I spent last weekend with a dear friend who had just had the year anniversary of her Dad’s death which also happened very suddenly last year and it was interesting chatting to her. She had found the anniversary helpful in some ways, said it felt like a weight was off that it had passed in some ways.

I’ve only really recently started going through my Dad’s stuff and understand what you mean about the guilt. It’s a strange process.

Thinking of you.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.