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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

DH died today and I don’t know what to do

523 replies

Pleasedontdothat · 31/10/2023 18:26

He’d just turned 57 and was really fit but he’d been feeling vaguely under the weather for the last few days. I ended up taking him to a&e this morning as he had severe abdominal pain overnight but all his blood tests etc came back normal and they sent him home with instructions to see the GP. He went upstairs to have a lie down then said he was having a shower. I was downstairs on work calls. A couple of hours later I went upstairs to see if he wanted something for lunch and realised the shower was still running. I called out but no answer so went into the bathroom to find him collapsed on the floor - he was obviously dead. I don’t know how I’m going to cope . No point in this post but in some ways it’s easier than telling wider family and friends

OP posts:
Emily29 · 31/10/2023 20:07

Sending love xx

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 31/10/2023 20:08

I'm so sorry for your loss. That's no age at all.
We're here for you but I really hope you have someone in real life who can come to be with you and support you.

MrsSucculent · 31/10/2023 20:09

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you reached out. You are not alone.

Cannot begin to imagine how you feel right now.

Trenda · 31/10/2023 20:09

I am so ,so, sorry for your devastating loss.

I couldnt scroll past without saying something so that you know strangers are with you in spirit.

Furrydogmum · 31/10/2023 20:09

I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family x

Illbebythesea · 31/10/2023 20:10

Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry op. There are no words…

BrightLightTonight · 31/10/2023 20:10

I’m so sorry. What a horrible shock for you.

Just reach out to one person who can help. Thinking of you xx

Orchidgarden · 31/10/2023 20:11

I am so sorry, it must have been a dreadful shock. I hope you are with someone.

winterchills · 31/10/2023 20:11

This is absolutely devastating! So sorry to hear this. Hope you have support with you

burblish · 31/10/2023 20:13

I am so sorry - I can’t even begin to imagine the pain and devastation you are going through. Please take care of yourself xx

Ecnerual · 31/10/2023 20:14

I wish I could give you a hug. Take each moment as it comes and go easy on yourself.

Hazey19 · 31/10/2023 20:16

I’m so so sorry, all the love and strength to you xxxx

Hellenbach · 31/10/2023 20:18

So sorry for your loss. What an awful, traumatic event for you to try and process.
Don't feel that you need to tell anyone. Take some time for yourself.
Thinking of you.

totalnamechanger · 31/10/2023 20:18

What a terrible thing to have happened to you and of course, to him. If you ever come back to the thread please know that for everyone who has posted, there will be a huge amount more who will be thinking of you and your husband tonight and beyond. You are strong. Take care and let people help you.

LetsGoDoDoDo · 31/10/2023 20:18

I'm so sorry OP ❤️

Please do also lean on people for support in real life.

Sending love and strength ❤️

ArthurbellaScott · 31/10/2023 20:19

OP, I'm so very sorry. You must be in shock. Is there someone you can call to come and sit with you?

Calm1234 · 31/10/2023 20:20

I’m so tremendously sorry 💐

TortolaParadise · 31/10/2023 20:20

I am sending you strength.
I am sure you have already done this by now but call the GP to certify the death and call the funeral director to collect his body.

TempyBrennan · 31/10/2023 20:23

I can’t imagine the shock you’re feeling, my granda had an aortic aneurism last year and he was the same, a little unwell in the days leading up to it.

I can’t imagine how difficult it is to lose a partner that way, thinking of you OP.
un-mumsnetty flowers and hug for you 💐

BudgieBardot · 31/10/2023 20:24

I am so sorry. A hug virtual hug. Is there someone who can be with you?

chocolatemousse3 · 31/10/2023 20:25

Thinking of you in this difficult time. Sending big hug and strenght.

YireosDodeAver · 31/10/2023 20:28

So sorry for your loss, that must be awful.

I disagree with tbhe advice one pp gave upthread about trying to avoid an inquest. I have a friend who lost her husband suddenly and they were abroad at the time in a country where the default is to cremate the departed within 3 days unless foul play is suspected. She never got an autopsy and can never kmow why her beloved just died, and it's a massive source of pain for her. I hope you can get some answers and establish whether the a&e people who found nothing wrong and sent him home were negligent in some way.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 31/10/2023 20:29

Omg how awful. What a terrible shock.

am so sorry x

ladybee2 · 31/10/2023 20:30

I'm so so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband OP.
One day at a time. X

StickChildNumberTwo · 31/10/2023 20:30

I'm so sorry. I hope you've managed to tell someone in real life, and if you need to, to get them to do some of the telling of others.