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Original poster

DH died today and I don’t know what to do

523 replies

Pleasedontdothat · 31/10/2023 18:26

He’d just turned 57 and was really fit but he’d been feeling vaguely under the weather for the last few days. I ended up taking him to a&e this morning as he had severe abdominal pain overnight but all his blood tests etc came back normal and they sent him home with instructions to see the GP. He went upstairs to have a lie down then said he was having a shower. I was downstairs on work calls. A couple of hours later I went upstairs to see if he wanted something for lunch and realised the shower was still running. I called out but no answer so went into the bathroom to find him collapsed on the floor - he was obviously dead. I don’t know how I’m going to cope . No point in this post but in some ways it’s easier than telling wider family and friends

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 31/10/2023 20:36

I am so sorry for your unimaginable loss. What an awful shock for you.

CurleyMango · 31/10/2023 20:36

I’m so very sad to hear this and share a big hug.

MotherOfVizslas · 31/10/2023 20:37

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you are surrounded by love and support tonight xx

endofthelinefinally · 31/10/2023 20:37

TortolaParadise · 31/10/2023 20:20

I am sending you strength.
I am sure you have already done this by now but call the GP to certify the death and call the funeral director to collect his body.

No, sorry to quote this, but this will be a coroner's case and the funeral directors cannot be involved at this stage. I hope the paramedics have dealt with everything appropriately. The coroner's officer will help and advise.

CoffeeLover90 · 31/10/2023 20:39

I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️

Dustpantsandbush · 31/10/2023 20:40

Can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through right now. I’m so very sorry for your loss. 💐

belgiumchocolates · 31/10/2023 20:43

So sorry OP ❤

NoEffingWay · 31/10/2023 20:43

OP, I am so very sorry for your loss Flowers

myusernamewastakenbyme · 31/10/2023 20:43

Im so sorry Op xx

IhateJan22 · 31/10/2023 20:44

❤️

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 31/10/2023 20:46

Oh my goodness, what a huge shock for you. I am so very sorry. Sending you a hug. 💐

Flamingos89 · 31/10/2023 20:46

I can not even imagine what you are going through. I’m so so sorry for your loss! Stay strong ❤️❤️❤️

Gagagardener · 31/10/2023 20:47

@Pleasedontdothat I am so sorry for your loss. You are in shock. Ask a friend/relation to stay with you until any of this makes sense. There are lots of practical things that have to be done, but you need someone beside you. Sleep when you can; eat what you can manage when you can face it. Don't make any important decisions on your own. Tonight is traditionally the eve before the day when Christians remember the saints. I am praying for you.

Masterofhappydays · 31/10/2023 20:47

I’m so sorry for your loss and I can’t even imagine… I hope you have someone who can be with you at this difficult time xx

Bloomingmagnolia · 31/10/2023 20:47

Sincere condolences OP. How devastating. Wishing you much strength in the days ahead. Flowers

Vet73 · 31/10/2023 20:48

Look after yourself, OP. What an awful shock

RedPanda2022 · 31/10/2023 20:50

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss; please take time and care for yourself - this sounds really traumatising and will take a while to process. Sending hugs.

SapphireSeptember · 31/10/2023 20:51

That's dreadful. I am so so sorry OP. Flowers

Gamjs · 31/10/2023 20:54

Sincere condolences. What a terrible shock for you.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 31/10/2023 20:55

My deepest condolences.

VWT5 · 31/10/2023 20:56

I’m so, so sorry. (I’ve lived through the same, same age, same circumstance).

Your body will be in shock, you may not recognise this.
You need someone to stay with you (you might think you don’t)
Drink good amounts of water - to help with the physical effects of shock
Your breathing may be affected - try to normalise it
Get others to make the phone calls for you
If online banking, cancel direct debits if there are any that might be superfluous or not be needed
A notebook - there will be lots to do and think about - it will be helpful to write things down rather than have them continuously in your head
Try and build a short walk outdoors, a little exercise and fresh air each day with someone close.
Please don’t drive alone - get friends to drive you wherever you need to go.
If you can’t face answering the door - put up a note that you can’t answer.
Please have someone with you, even if they just sit quietly with you…

mommatoone · 31/10/2023 20:57

Im so sorry 💞

Bananajuice · 31/10/2023 20:58

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.. I lost my partner 10 months ago and that deep ache you are feeling in your heart, I know it too well. You'll remember nothing then everything all at once and nothing will make sense. People around you will try to keep you busy when all you'll want to do is lie is bed and cry until you feel like there's nothing left... But there always is. Get a notebook and write down a list of who you have to inform and anything you think needs done... Even if it's DIY around the house, take a note of everything in there.. You will forget it. If someone asks what they can do for you show them the book and tell them to pick. Failing that ask for people to cook or to stock up your freezer with ready made stuff....yiu won't feel like making anything but you need to eat. I know that nothing anyone will say or do will make one ounce of difference to you, and this will sound silly but believe me it made a difference to me.. Make sure you have decent lip balm soft hankies and a good moisturiser handy. Feel free to message me at anytime if you don't know anyone who's been through this... I joined a young widows group.. And the comfort that talking to others who've been through this. Has been more useful than therapy

Howtosolveit · 31/10/2023 20:58

Sending you love OP. When you are ready, there will be support for you here. Wishing you strength for the coming days ahead.

Imreallytiredandanxioustoday · 31/10/2023 20:58

I'm so sorry. Flowers