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Original poster

DH died today and I don’t know what to do

523 replies

Pleasedontdothat · 31/10/2023 18:26

He’d just turned 57 and was really fit but he’d been feeling vaguely under the weather for the last few days. I ended up taking him to a&e this morning as he had severe abdominal pain overnight but all his blood tests etc came back normal and they sent him home with instructions to see the GP. He went upstairs to have a lie down then said he was having a shower. I was downstairs on work calls. A couple of hours later I went upstairs to see if he wanted something for lunch and realised the shower was still running. I called out but no answer so went into the bathroom to find him collapsed on the floor - he was obviously dead. I don’t know how I’m going to cope . No point in this post but in some ways it’s easier than telling wider family and friends

OP posts:
Changes17 · 31/10/2023 18:45

I’m so very sorry. You must be feeling so shocked. Will be thinking of you.

crowsfeet57 · 31/10/2023 18:45

Sorry for your loss xx

MzHz · 31/10/2023 18:47

I’m so sorry to hear this. How awful! What a horrific shock.

you don’t have to do any right now, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I know nothing we say will make you feel any better, but know that we’re all thinking of you and sending you our tightest hugs

RosiePeel · 31/10/2023 18:49

I’m so sorry OP. No words seem adequate. But I wanted you to know I had read your post and my heart goes out to you.

Gee19 · 31/10/2023 18:49

I hope you’ve got a loved one with you now OP. Sending love and strength.

Igmum · 31/10/2023 18:49

So so sorry. Sending love and prayers Flowers

camelfinger · 31/10/2023 18:50

I’m so sorry OP. Could you ask one person to contact others to ease the burden on you? People usually want to help in some way.

Topjoe19 · 31/10/2023 18:50

So sorry for your loss x

Bobbotgegrinch · 31/10/2023 18:51

I'm so sorry OP.

In regards to not knowing what to do, you don't need to do anything right now, just come to terms with it.

If you've told noone so far, then tell one person, let them deal with telling others. And then do what you want. If it's sitting in the dark sobbing, do it. If it's getting a takeaway and sitting with a box set or a book to take your mind off it, then do it. If it's getting absolutely smashed on a couple of bottles of wine, do it (in close proximity to someone trusted). There's no right way to get through the next day, two days, week, just do what you need to to get through right now.

You don't mention if you have kids. If you do, then don't be afraid to have family help out with them for a bit. And don't feel you've got to be "strong" for them, it's OK and even healthy to see that Mum is as upset as they are.

Wishing you all the best xxx

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/10/2023 18:51

Gosh. I’m so sorry for your loss. That must have been such a shock for you Idk if you want to tell us about him. Big hugs. Flowers

minmooch · 31/10/2023 18:51

I am so sorry for your loss xx

AutumnColour89 · 31/10/2023 18:52

I'm so sorry OP.
I can't imagine what you must be feeling now.

There are no words, but we're all sending you love 💐

hattie43 · 31/10/2023 18:52

Omg what a shock OP I'm so sorry , what an awful thing to happen .
RIP to your partner and I hope you have someone with you .

DollieBantrysPantry · 31/10/2023 18:52

So so sorry, such a dreadful shock, hope you have some company now 💐

TicTacNicNak · 31/10/2023 18:53

OP, I'm so very sorry to hear this. What a shock for you for it to happen so suddenly.

It sounds as though it happened at lunchtime, so assuming your beloved husband's body has been removed now. If he hadn't been ill of late (aside from feeling unwell for a few days) then he will almost certainly be in the care of the coroner's office while they try to find out how he died.

Hopefully you are with family as you try to deal with this. Have another family member spread the news to wider family. That shouldn't be something you have to contend with right now. Just take one day at a time, or one hour at a time if it's easier, as you are probably in shock.

If you need advice about practicalities then do come back here if it's easier than discussing with family. There are always other MNers who have been through something similar, or who will know what to do.

Take care at this most difficult time 💐

nocoolnamesleft · 31/10/2023 18:53

I am so sorry. There is always someone on here if you want to talk. Have you anyone in real life who can be with you?

Theeyeballsinthesky · 31/10/2023 18:53

Oh love I’m so very very sorry for your loss and the shock & grief you must feel xxxx

Ellmau · 31/10/2023 18:53

So very sorry.

TentChristmas · 31/10/2023 18:54

Oh lovely, I’m so sorry there are no words. I understand not wanting to tell people on real life as it makes it too real. Maybe ask one person to come round and ask them to tell people and field calls and messages for you.
Its just so shit I’m sorry

TakeMe2Insanity · 31/10/2023 18:54

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Winterscoming1 · 31/10/2023 18:55

My dh died in similar circumstances 5 weeks ago.It's been difficult and the most challenging part for me has been the wondering if I could have saved him.
5 weeks on the sheer exhaustion is a problem, I sleep really heavily but don't wake refreshed in any way.
Walking every day and drinking a pint of water with every meal has been the two things which make me feel better. Avoiding the phone calls where someone phones me and questions me relentlessly has also been helpful.

SliceOfBread · 31/10/2023 18:55

My condolences

Stillwaitingfor · 31/10/2023 18:56

I'm so, so sorry. Just take one minute/hour/day at a time. Please tell some trusted friends and family so that they can be with you. You'll be in shock for a bit. Take care of yourself

newnamechangeforthisone · 31/10/2023 18:56

I'm so sorry

agent765 · 31/10/2023 18:57

I'm so sorry.