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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

DH died today and I don’t know what to do

523 replies

Pleasedontdothat · 31/10/2023 18:26

He’d just turned 57 and was really fit but he’d been feeling vaguely under the weather for the last few days. I ended up taking him to a&e this morning as he had severe abdominal pain overnight but all his blood tests etc came back normal and they sent him home with instructions to see the GP. He went upstairs to have a lie down then said he was having a shower. I was downstairs on work calls. A couple of hours later I went upstairs to see if he wanted something for lunch and realised the shower was still running. I called out but no answer so went into the bathroom to find him collapsed on the floor - he was obviously dead. I don’t know how I’m going to cope . No point in this post but in some ways it’s easier than telling wider family and friends

OP posts:
Mirabai · 07/11/2023 11:52

Oobiedoobiedo · 07/11/2023 07:39

I'm so sorry, I didn't word my post carefully enough. There has been a death certificate issued (with a condition mentioned, pending further investigation), and we have had the funeral. I'm still waiting for the post mortem report so that I know what really happened. It's just a few days off 5 months now, and I am increasingly desperate for answers.

That must be so hard, you have my utmost sympathy x

Pleasedontdothat · 07/11/2023 13:24

Not helpful @anyolddinosaur

OP posts:
Elderflower14 · 07/11/2023 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Really...? You come on a thread where someone is grieving and run down the NHS.... TACTLESS!!! 😡 😡 😡

MaggieFS · 07/11/2023 13:36

@Pleasedontdothat I'm so sorry I can't imagine how you are feeling. Have you still got all of your DC with you today?

Please ignore @anyolddinosaur some people just don't think before they post. The most important thing for now is to look after yourself and your DC, or have them look after you. There are no rights or wrongs about what you need to do, or how you should feel. Just. Take everything step by step.

If you want to rant, feel free to rant away on here. If you want to tell us what he was like, if it helps, please do so.

SequentialAnalyst · 07/11/2023 13:44

Perhaps because I am old, I myself don't find anything tasteless in @anyolddinosaur's post, although I know it might cause an angry pang. Nothing is anyone's fault. A system that cannot cope with a larger population than it was founded for is being run as best it can by human beings who care. We are all fallible human beings. I think that's all she was saying.

It's OK to be angry. Anger is often part of griefAngrySad

MaggieFS · 07/11/2023 13:47

Ok, well whatever one's opinion, perhaps we can keep them to ourselves right now and not have the thread deteriorate into an argument. The bereavement board is normally a remarkably supportive and safe space.

SequentialAnalyst · 07/11/2023 13:53

I'm pretty sure @anyolddinosaur posted in a spirit of support. People sometimes read posts in "the wrong tone of voice" IYSWIM. Doesn't necessarily mean the post wrote them in that "tone of voice" BrewBrew

Pleasedontdothat · 07/11/2023 13:56

Thank you to the vast majority of posters who’ve offered support, shared experiences etc it’s all been very helpful. To the recent posters who’ve decided it’s their place to police how I feel thank you for making me feel even more fucking rubbish than I was before

OP posts:
Dinoswearunderpants · 07/11/2023 13:59

Please ignore those posters. Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself.

Grammarnut · 07/11/2023 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

peachgreen · 07/11/2023 14:15

@Pleasedontdothat Please please please try and internalise one thing: whatever you feel right now is okay. It will shift from moment to moment. Society teaches us that there are acceptable emotions when grieving — sadness, loneliness, stoicism — and that there’s a “right” way to grieve. It’s bullshit. You’re just as likely to feel anger, hysteria, gratitude, joy, even arousal – all utterly normal and part of the journey.

I was righteously angry with DH’s doctors. For me, the feelings passed and I chose not to pursue it. You may have the same experience, you may not – either way, now is not the time to decide, and it’s certainly not the time to try and police your feelings or have anyone else police them, either. Feel what you feel and know that it’s okay.

keffie12 · 07/11/2023 15:20

Pleasedontdothat · 07/11/2023 13:56

Thank you to the vast majority of posters who’ve offered support, shared experiences etc it’s all been very helpful. To the recent posters who’ve decided it’s their place to police how I feel thank you for making me feel even more fucking rubbish than I was before

This is the sort of thing that happens on earthland as well as virtual.

You will unfortunately have to face inane stupid comments over the coming months and years.

I'm 5 and a half years in. Though grief has gentled down, it is still with me in a different way now.

I don't live in the problem of my grief. I've found a life and ways to move forward with my husband in spirit.

I was recently asked, "How long I would grieve?" I retorted. "How long will I love my husband-" And my answer was: "All my life, hence that's how long I will grieve. " People die-love doesn't"

I don't think people mean to be hurtful. They just don't get it. As I told that person recently, "You don't get it. Thank your God, you don't"

ODAAT (One Day At A Time) ❤️ You will find your own path

Mariluisa · 07/11/2023 15:23

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP and I wish you weren’t.

We also lost DH suddenly in 2014 and I well remember those early days. Worst moment was waking up if I managed to get off to sleep. Because for those first few seconds I ‘didn’t know’ again, and then it all came lurching in so it was like I had to find out again everyday.

Very wise words indeed from @peachgreen at 14.15 about the sheer range of emotions and states of being. And how it’s all ok, no right or wrong.

lots of love to you and your children

Mariluisa · 07/11/2023 16:13

And @keffie12 yes yes yes to your last post. People really do say the dumbest stuff. The ‘philosophers’ are the worst - because it sounds reasonable but feels more like gaslighting.

My worst offender was the wife of a friend. Whenever I saw her she was always quick to tell me of the latest man to suddenly die of heart trouble at a young age. From the start her main point was how common this is - so she could rationalise away or minimise the impact of it. So very hurtful and I never dreamed of doing that about her cancer diagnosis - also very common but still devastating.

Luckily I had some very supportive people nearby, even though we’d not long moved. There were two women in particular who were older than us - both had met DH with me, so knew him a bit, and both had lost their husbands some years earlier.

They each continued to phone me after the initial weeks, knowing I wouldn’t respond to a ‘call me anytime if you need anything’. And the one who lived around the corner invited me over for tea every fortnight or so. Which was perfect for getting out of the house but without going ‘out’ out, which made me feel too vulnerable.

And I also agree that it’s lifelong for me, even though it’s not active grief now. I’ve accepted it and can still build a life - something that seemed impossible back then.

But it can still feel raw again, like losing my mother last year - when DH lost his mother he had me with him during her illness and beyond.

So many thanks to some incredibly thoughtful posts from PPs. I hope they bring comfort to OP

Changes17 · 07/11/2023 16:22

Thinking of you OP. Hope you're doing OK.

Mariluisa · 07/11/2023 17:46

Pleasedontdothat · 02/11/2023 12:10

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you - some of your messages have made me cry but in a good way and it’s all appreciated. My older and younger DC are being brilliant as are my siblings and friends. I’m very worried about my middle dc who’d moved back home two days before as he wasn’t coping with living independently. He’s autistic and has severe depression and was with me when I found DH - he’s very traumatised and blaming himself for not realising his dad needed help. I spoke to the GP today who was absolutely lovely and she’s sorted out something to help me sleep and she’s going to arrange some support for ds too. I’m exhausted now but can’t rest - I feel like all my nerve endings are overstretched and very brittle.

I think the most overwhelming thing about it is the exhaustion. Grief is utterly exhausting and you’re operating on so many levels, it’s still going on the whole time even during the periods when feeling numb.

And that wired but tired feeling you mention just zapped me back there.

Hope you’re managing to eat now.

Thinking of you OP ❤️

Goldbar31 · 08/11/2023 12:46

Hi. Just checking in and hoping you managed to get some sleep.
Thinking of you and your family.

Pleasedontdothat · 08/11/2023 13:22

Not much sleep … postmortem showed he died from a ruptured femoral artery aneurysm. The one comforting thing is it wouldn’t have been painful and he would have felt like he was going to sleep.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 08/11/2023 13:31

I don't know what to say to you, other than the fact that I'm thinking of you.

CormorantStrikesBack · 08/11/2023 15:24

I’m so sorry, I’ve never heard of a femoral aneurysm, only an aortic one. It is comforting that it wouldn’t have been painful.

Floralnomad · 08/11/2023 15:49

At least you have answers @Pleasedontdothat and that doesn’t sound like something anyone could have done much about . A peaceful end is really what we all want for our loved ones it’s just unfortunate when it happens so prematurely. My dad died very suddenly just after his 51st birthday of a heart attack so I can understand a little of what you are going through . I hope your son is finding ways to cope , it’s very difficult . 💐

Mirabai · 08/11/2023 16:38

OP I’m so sorry. xxx

keffie12 · 08/11/2023 17:12

Pleasedontdothat · 08/11/2023 13:22

Not much sleep … postmortem showed he died from a ruptured femoral artery aneurysm. The one comforting thing is it wouldn’t have been painful and he would have felt like he was going to sleep.

I'm glad you have answers and know that you couldn't have done anything else more than you had.

I dare say the feelings around this. You will process when you are ready too. Probably many times as I did and can still sometimes ruminate on my husband passing.

There are 5 stages of grief, in no particular order with no time limit, as grief is a lifetime journey.

Those stages are sadness, anger, denial, bargaining, and acceptance over and over in different ways.

Don't worry about those now. It is just a marker you might remember in the future. You're in the autopilot place, and nothing will feel real right now.

Take it ODAAT (One Day At A Time) ❤️

SequentialAnalyst · 08/11/2023 20:42

Please forgive me for putting this on your thread, the relevance is it's about idiot remarks and righteous anger. Lovely Man died 5 years ago. Earlier this year someone said "Haven't you got over it yet?"Shock We weren't together long, but so bloody what!Angry The person that said it is no longer a friend. And LM lives on in my heart💕

ArthurbellaScott · 08/11/2023 22:19

I'm sorry, OP.

Flowers
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