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Original poster

DH died today and I don’t know what to do

523 replies

Pleasedontdothat · 31/10/2023 18:26

He’d just turned 57 and was really fit but he’d been feeling vaguely under the weather for the last few days. I ended up taking him to a&e this morning as he had severe abdominal pain overnight but all his blood tests etc came back normal and they sent him home with instructions to see the GP. He went upstairs to have a lie down then said he was having a shower. I was downstairs on work calls. A couple of hours later I went upstairs to see if he wanted something for lunch and realised the shower was still running. I called out but no answer so went into the bathroom to find him collapsed on the floor - he was obviously dead. I don’t know how I’m going to cope . No point in this post but in some ways it’s easier than telling wider family and friends

OP posts:
MyFragility · 31/10/2023 23:43

Sending you much love.

There really are no words at a time like this.

LuluMorris · 31/10/2023 23:44

I am so sorry. This sounds truly awful. I do hope you have someone with you. My sincere condolences x

TheRosesAreInBloom · 31/10/2023 23:49

My deepest condolences to you and your family 💐

Lateatnight78 · 31/10/2023 23:55

So very sorry 😥

Showdogworkingdog · 31/10/2023 23:56

I’m so sorry. What a terrible shock for you xx

semideponent · 31/10/2023 23:57

What a tremendous shock, OP, just hours ago Sending a strong handhold for the next steps tomorrow and holding you in mind.

nettie434 · 01/11/2023 00:05

I just wanted to add my condolences. It must be a terrible shock for your family.

Goldbracelet24 · 01/11/2023 00:11

God bless you! Sending you the strength to get through this

Taiquando · 01/11/2023 00:20

My deepest condolences are sent to you, OP. It’s a terrible shock I know as both my parents died very suddenly.
You both did all the right things, seeking medical advice. Neither of you were to imagine what would happen when you returned home therefore try not to dwell upon “what ifs”. You couldn’t have done more for him, even if you’d been with him when he collapsed.
Though you won’t be hungry, try to eat a little. Take any medication the GP has offered. Make sure someone stays with you. Hold strong and be assured we’re all with you. x

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 01/11/2023 00:29

Oh my gosh, @Pleasedontdothat
That was awful for you!!
I'm pleased your AC are with you, and probably a very good friend or two. It probably hasn't hit you properly yet, but when it does PLEASE let your tears flow, it's not good to hold back!
My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.
Console yourself that your husbands soul had left his body by the time you found him & that he was possibly looking over your shoulder telling you not to cry, as he left to go somewhere else where he could be pain free and at peace!
Much love to you and so, so many cuddles xx

GodspeedJune · 01/11/2023 00:37

So very sorry. We lost my DGD suddenly and unexpectedly like this, in his 60s. You’ll be in shock for now but I hope you have loved ones to hold you and provide support, in the coming days and weeks especially.

Flux1 · 01/11/2023 00:39

I am so sorry. Sending you a hug and much love. My thoughts are with you and your children. May your DH rest in peace xx

LL1991 · 01/11/2023 00:40

My heart goes out to you, I hope your family and friends are surrounding you and looking after you xx

Oakiedoakie · 01/11/2023 00:46

I am so sorry, OP, what a terrible shock, thinking of you and wishing you strength.

SequentialAnalyst · 01/11/2023 00:55

Don't let anyone rush you into anything while you are still reeling from this terrible shock.

My friend found her DH dead outside one New Year's morning. Her DB came over, and with the best of (misguided) intentions, insisted on going through the paperwork with her, and getting rid of what he thought she didn't need. It interrupted her grieving, and important information was lost Shock

Some people will advise you to keep busy. That might be the right thing for them, but it might not be for you. You are the one who has lost your DH, do whatever you want/need to do for you. There is no feeling you can feel that is taboo, including anger.

Just hang on in there for the time being. BrewBrew

Pocodaku · 01/11/2023 01:07

Oh no, OP, I’m so sorry!

chariotspades · 01/11/2023 01:36

I am so sorry for your loss

bibop · 01/11/2023 02:00

I'm so, so sorry, OP. What a terrible shock. Sending you hugs. x

peachgreen · 01/11/2023 02:57

I’m so sorry, OP.

My DH died suddenly three years ago – he was 42. I won’t lie to you, it is going to be incredibly hard. But you will get through, and the pain will ease. I know you can’t believe that now – I couldn’t either, I thought that anyone who had must not have loved their spouse as much as I loved DH and that my life was over and would never be worth living again. But it is, and yours will be too. Not yet, but one day. For now all you can do is take an hour at a time, then a day at a time, then a week at a time. But please hold on to the promise from someone who has been there that it will not always be this painful. There will be joy in your life again. You can’t fathom how just now, I know. But I promise it’s true. You will love him and miss him forever. But you will also learn to live again.

Sending you love and support, OP. Lean on us.

Cnon · 01/11/2023 04:20

I'm sorry for you and your family's loss.

Middleagedmeangirls · 01/11/2023 04:41

I can't begin to imagine how awful this must be for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Marmalade71 · 01/11/2023 04:50

I'm so very sorry. Thinking of you at this horrendous time.

sashh · 01/11/2023 05:00

So sorry, is there anything we can do?

Sarahlp101 · 01/11/2023 05:05

I'm.so sorry for your loss OP..wishing you lots of love abd support xxx

Biskitnwin · 01/11/2023 06:40

That's real shitty love, I feel for you keep your head up xx