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Original poster

DH died today and I don’t know what to do

523 replies

Pleasedontdothat · 31/10/2023 18:26

He’d just turned 57 and was really fit but he’d been feeling vaguely under the weather for the last few days. I ended up taking him to a&e this morning as he had severe abdominal pain overnight but all his blood tests etc came back normal and they sent him home with instructions to see the GP. He went upstairs to have a lie down then said he was having a shower. I was downstairs on work calls. A couple of hours later I went upstairs to see if he wanted something for lunch and realised the shower was still running. I called out but no answer so went into the bathroom to find him collapsed on the floor - he was obviously dead. I don’t know how I’m going to cope . No point in this post but in some ways it’s easier than telling wider family and friends

OP posts:
PetsAreBetter · 31/10/2023 21:48

I'm glad you have your family with you and services are there. You'll find that all the way along all the different services will be very clear about what happens next in caring for your DH and the processes you need to follow. I was very grateful for that.

Just thinking of you at this difficult time.

Climbingthehillfast · 31/10/2023 21:49

Very sorry for you

Floralnomad · 31/10/2023 21:53

I’m so sorry for your loss @Pleasedontdothat 💐

DeeCee77 · 31/10/2023 21:55

Sorry for your loss OP.

SidewaysOtter · 31/10/2023 21:55

I’m so very sorry for your loss Flowers

kennythekangaroo · 31/10/2023 21:56

So sorry to hear this.
I was in your position 7 months ago - DH had a heart attack while out on a bike ride- sudden and unexpected. It's just really, really shit.
I hope you have got somebody with you.

I managed to tell a few people what had happened and they passed it on to other family and friends.
Get a notebook and write everything that goes on down. You will have contact from lots of people and that helped me keep everything straight in my head. I wrote a lot of lists.
Hopefully people will want to help - let them. Cooking, cleaning, ironing, shopping, taking out bins, anything - DH's nephew is still coming round and cutting the grass for me.

Cyclewidow46 · 31/10/2023 21:57

I'm so sorry to hear this OP x

chopc · 31/10/2023 22:07

What a terrible terrible shock! I am so sorry !

Sndhehjzugwvs · 31/10/2023 22:07

So very very sorry for your tragic loss OP. My heart goes out to you and all that knew and loved your DH. 🕯️ 💐

andyourpointiswhat · 31/10/2023 22:09

How awful, I am so sorry for your loss xx

nildesparandum · 31/10/2023 22:12

Sorry about your sudden loss
My DH died after a long lingering illness so I was prepared, but a sudden loss like yours must be devastating

Notquitethere60 · 31/10/2023 22:15

Sorry for your loss. Agree with getting a diary and writing everything down. It will help you process the situation. Take each hour at a time and be very kind to yourself. Take any help offered and accept that it will take quite a while to process.

BlowDryRat · 31/10/2023 22:17

I have nothing useful to add, but I'm so sorry OP. Please be gentle with yourself.

jolenethea · 31/10/2023 22:18

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I can only imagine the shock.
I hope friends and family are able to support you and provide some comfort.

PurpleTinsel555 · 31/10/2023 22:18

Sending you and your family so much love 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

froggybiby · 31/10/2023 22:21

I am sorry for your loss. I hope you have family or friends around you.

silverspider05 · 31/10/2023 22:24

I am so so sorry for your loss Op x

HawthornLantern · 31/10/2023 22:29

I am so, so sorry. There are no words. Sending you all love.

keffie12 · 31/10/2023 22:31

I lost my husband 5 years and 7 months ago unexpectedly. He was just 60. I get it.

No words from me. They are all so trite. There is nothing I can say. Do what you need to do. You will be in shock. Nothing will seem real. Get a family member or friend around if you can

Much love ❤️

Cherrysherbet · 31/10/2023 22:32

I’m so sorry. What a terrible shock.
Sending love to you x

TheMadGardener · 31/10/2023 22:33

I'm so so sorry OP.
My DH died from cancer so we were expecting it but it was still unreal when it actually happened. My DBIL collapsed suddenly like your DH. Such a blindside.

You are in a state of shock. Please take care of yourself. It's good that your children are on their way.

Hopefully your GP will help too.

You need just to process at this point, be with your family, drink tea, talk, or whatever you need to do.

When you are ready, you can use the Tell Us Once service when registering his death which will let all the relevant agencies know like HMRC, the NHS, DVLA and so on. When you register the death you can order copies of the death certificate. I have found about 4 copies was about right - some banks and so on want copies sent to them although they will return them. You will need these for dealing with banks and the land registry and such. I'm sure your family will help you with this though.

As his death was so sudden there will have to be a post mortem. I've had to deal with several deaths and found an undertaker who was very caring and helpful too when chatting through all the things we might want to do to say goodbye to DH or a loved one.

But all that is for the future. Take care of yourself and let your family take care of you. Make sure your work knows you need time, I'm sure they will understand. I'm sending you all good thoughts.

HelpIcantfindaname · 31/10/2023 22:34

So sorry for your loss.
What a dreadful shock.
I'm glad your children are with you.
Sending condolences to you all.

Mamanyt · 31/10/2023 22:35

My heart with yours.

TeaGinandFags · 31/10/2023 22:36

You poor thing.

This is going yo be a harrowing time for the next few months. Be kind to yourself, take all the support you can find and just take it day by day and moment by moment. Console yourself with the knowledge that he didn't have time to suffer.

Sending love and hugs 💐💐

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 31/10/2023 22:36

I am so sorry OP.
A friend's mother passed away suddenly in similar circumstances. My friend found her and was in shock for a long time.