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Original poster

DH died today and I don’t know what to do

523 replies

Pleasedontdothat · 31/10/2023 18:26

He’d just turned 57 and was really fit but he’d been feeling vaguely under the weather for the last few days. I ended up taking him to a&e this morning as he had severe abdominal pain overnight but all his blood tests etc came back normal and they sent him home with instructions to see the GP. He went upstairs to have a lie down then said he was having a shower. I was downstairs on work calls. A couple of hours later I went upstairs to see if he wanted something for lunch and realised the shower was still running. I called out but no answer so went into the bathroom to find him collapsed on the floor - he was obviously dead. I don’t know how I’m going to cope . No point in this post but in some ways it’s easier than telling wider family and friends

OP posts:
gamerchick · 31/10/2023 21:01

I'm so sorry OP. I really hope you have someone with you, you shouldn't be on your own

StillWantingADog · 31/10/2023 21:02

I’m so so sorry.
you sound totally in shock, as you must be.

is someone with you now? Please call someone if not.

BebeBelle · 31/10/2023 21:04

I'm so sorry for you loss OP. Don't know you but i will be thinking of you and keeping in my prayers to help you find strength to deal with such a sad loss. 😔

jcr89 · 31/10/2023 21:07

So sorry for your loss OP x 🌷

billy1966 · 31/10/2023 21:09

God help you.

I am so sorry.

This is the most shocking of shocks.

AbbeyGailsParty · 31/10/2023 21:12

I’m so very sorry. The shock is horrendous and it’s important you have someone with you. ( My DH died in a road accident, apparently I wandered around for hours/days just saying I didn’t know what I was going to do. )

Have someone stay with you.
Sounds stupid but drink water or tea. You probably won’t eat but I became ill through dehydration so please drink.
Your GP will help you sleep, pleased don’t be worried about asking for help.

I feel so sad for you, it’s a pain I wish you didn’t have to experience.

Alsonification · 31/10/2023 21:13

Gosh I'm so so sorry. What a shock. My deepest condolences.

Frosty1000 · 31/10/2023 21:14

I am so sorry, what an awful shock for you. I do hope that you have someone with you. I'll be thinking of you xx 💐💐

Mum2jenny · 31/10/2023 21:17

Sorry for your loss.
I hugely empathise as my dh is in AICU. I had to call 111. Just be kind to yourself and use your friends for support.
Remember one step in front of the other does work.
Fuck, life can be really shit

Frazzledatfifty · 31/10/2023 21:20

Thinking about you… hope you are not alone… sending love, light and strength. The MN crowd will be here to hold up when you need us. Xxx

smartpocketwatch · 31/10/2023 21:31

Sorry to hear of your Los OP, sending you strength and love 💐

MariaLuna · 31/10/2023 21:31

Sending hugs OP.

Life is so cruel.....

SkaneTos · 31/10/2023 21:32

My deepest condolences to you, OP.

HikingforScenery · 31/10/2023 21:33

Oh my goodness @Pleasedontdothat. I’m so, so sorry to read this. Sending thoughts and prayers 💐💐

sleepraptor · 31/10/2023 21:33

I'm so sorry, it is truly shocking.

Your body will be in shock. Wrap up warm. Hot drinks. If you can't face food then things like hot chocolate are good.

Take each moment as it comes over the coming weeks. Don't feel like you need to do or sort anything quickly.

People will be here with practical advice when you are ready for it.

Mumofazoo · 31/10/2023 21:35

I am so so sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling.

KittenKins · 31/10/2023 21:36

I'm so sorry OP, what a shock for you. I appreciate telling strangers is going to be easier, but would you not appreciate having someone with you? I doubt your friends & family would want you to be alone at such a time. Please look after yourself in these early days.

GymWanker · 31/10/2023 21:37

Oh @Pleasedontdothat i’m so sorry.

I had something very similar with my dad. It is a huge shock. DM me if you need x

Ithouught · 31/10/2023 21:38

I hope you have someone with you OP. So very sorry to read your post.

Rachie1973 · 31/10/2023 21:39

You poor darling. I have no words of wisdom or Empty platitudes. Just know I’m thinking of you tonight xxx

PetsAreBetter · 31/10/2023 21:40

I'm so sorry you're going through this. What a shock. I've been through something similar and while I know we're all different, I found it easier to call a few people who were closest before the initial shock had worn off. I hope you have someone with you now and are receiving support.

Original poster
Pleasedontdothat · 31/10/2023 21:44

Thank you - my just adult children are here or on their way and a good local friend has been helping deal with ambulance, police etc I feel exhausted but wired

OP posts:
maw29 · 31/10/2023 21:45

I'm so sorry op, that is awful. I hope you have someone with you.

C8H10N4O2 · 31/10/2023 21:47

endofthelinefinally · 31/10/2023 19:59

There are many of us here who have been through similar experiences. We will be here to listen and to give our advice about the things you need to do. It is bewildering and frightening.
We know what happens with the paramedics, the police, the coroner, the practical and legal things. We will help in whatever way we can in the coming days.
For now, let whoever is there help you and stay with you. You might want MN to move this thread to the bereavement boards. If so, one of us will contact them for you. Just ask.

Echoing this - either a move or possibly a new thread for support in sudden bereavement.
Some of us are a few days, a few weeks, months or years ahead of you OP, all knowing that shock of the unexpected and working through the aftermath.

I'm about six months in front of you and still putting one foot in front of the other, still dealing with the aftermath. All remember that lots of advice was given in the early days which we couldn't remember so keep asking the same questions as often as you need. I hope you have the support at hand both for yourself and DC who, even if they are young adults, you still feel the need to protect.

SphincterSaysWhat · 31/10/2023 21:48

So sorry OP - what a massive shock for you. Lean on your people. My sincere sympathies x