Close friend died today, only 38 yrs old :(

[MABS]

Says it all really, one of my dearest friends,aged 40 yrs old, suffered a massive heart attack and died immediately. I am in total shock and can't really believe it, he wasn't ill , there was no warning. I am in bits about it .

Thinking of you Mabs xx

I'm glad this one has been bumped up becauae I searched for it yesterday but couldn't find it, needless to say but I was thinking of you yesterday MABS, I hope it wasn't to hard for you and you were able to say goodbye to your friend the way you wanted.....

xxx

MABs hope you are ok.

Mabs???? Are you ok?? How did it go?

Thanks so much to you all. If I'm honest it was horrific, very emotional and when they played Katherine Jenkins 'time to say goodbye' it was dreadful. Last night i was a mess, today i feel stronger but drained.

Don't really know what to say. Am very very sorry for your loss. Hope that time helps soothe your wounds.

thank you chris, am much calmer now

I find funerals difficult because you cannot behave the way you want to and howl loudly. everyone tries to put on a stiff upper lip and that is very hard when you want to scream and cry.

Glad you are feeling calmer MABs and hope things get steadily easier.

Very true Glitterfairy, i did sob my heart out tho. went to grave yesterday to say goodbye in private, really helped me.

Take care of yourself MABs things like this take time. I am glad that you can visit the grave on your own and have some time saying goodbye your way.

I'm so sorry MABS. That's how my FIL went - he was perfectly fine, hadn't been near a doctor in years, then suddenly collapsed and was dead in seconds. So shocking.

thinking of you MABS

Glad you could visit the grave and say your goodbyes Mabs. I was with my friend when her DH died so I felt that I had that chance, it is really important, although the disbelief stays for a long time (it was 3 months on Friday and I still don't think I believe it).

How are you glitterfairy?

Hope the families of both your friend's are bearing up and coping as well as they can.

thanks all

I am ok thanks will be speaking to friends wife tonight. She seems so strong and although sad is thinking about how her life will be now and what she wants to do.

does she live near you Glitter/ does she have a job?

Very near me and she is bravely going back to work tomorrow after two weeks off but dreading it. We had a chat tonight about what she said to people who didn't know. She is a very bubbly chatty woman with an incredibly friendly personality.

I first met her at a mother and baby group where no one talked to me apart from her. Our eldest children are the same age but tonight when we spoke we remembered how her husband used to collect my littlest for me from nursery and walk down the lane with her on his shoulders whilst she pulled his hair laughing! Its things like that which are both tragic and lovely and memories to be treasured at these times.

glitterfairy, I know what you mean about tragic and lovely. I haven't been able to look at the video footage we have of my friend's DH and DD but knowing we have it is really comforting and one day it will be lovely to watch.

Your friend is very brave going back to work so soon, although one thing my friend has found is that worrying about the things you have to do is sometimes worse than than the actual doing. Telling people who don't know and seeing people are both really hard, but once it is done, it is done. It is good that she has a friend like you near by - she will need you for a long time to come. I talk to my friend nearly every day and see her a couple of times a week. We have also put things in the diary throughout the year to give her something to look forward to - a weekend away, dinner with a few close friends, friends around for dinner. And special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries - it is lovely if you can plan something to coincide with these difficult times. It might be too soon to do things like that, but it might help in time.

Hope you are OK today Mabs.

I went through a bitter and difficult divorce two years ago twofalls and so I think she know s that although these are very different feelings some of them I understand and share.

Even down to little things like letting BT know the bill needs to be paid by a different person. Practical stuff and tax credits which are so hard to do and the explanation is so intolerable. As my friend said waiting to talk to someone and not knowing which button to press on an automated call service is infuriating.

it means that when she is around me I too am single and understand some of the loneliness. We have talked about silly things setting us off and strange stuff jolting our memories.

I think she is very brave but yes you are right it is easier to face it and once done not as bad as we think.

Sorry to hear that glitterfairy, there are certain times in our lives when friends are so important to us aren't they? It is a cliche, but it is only when the bad things happen you really find out who they are. I am am sure she is so glad to have you, especially as you understand some of what she is going through.

How are you Mabs?

I have been thinking about you Mabs. And you glitterfairy. Hope you are both OK.

Thanks twofalls. Am ok had a very depressed week generally though and think it might be a kind of emotional low.

How are you Mabs?

Sorry to hear that glitterfairy, I think I started to feel the same way after about a month, but then that coincided with christmas so it was a strange time. I think once the shock wears off the reality of it starts to sink in and it is just the emotional grind of grieving yourself and supporting the bereaved.

Sorry I don't have any wise words of wisdom to offer but I do know a bit about how you might be feeling.

Hope you are OK mabs.