I am overwhelmed by the messages of support here ... you lot are truly fantastic ... thank you.
I had my scan this morning and I wish that I could tell you that it was good news ... unfortunately it is not.
I started bleeding on Saturday evening and it got steadily worse throughout Sunday (my 12 week mark)? and this morning I started having quite a lot of pain ?
I was due to have my 12 week scan Tuesday afternoon but I went in this morning (Monday) for a check up and it transpires that we have lost our baby. When I say lost ? it is still there but it is very small (8 weeks size) and there was no fetal heart beat and no movement ? it was very sad to see as I remember that at DS' 12 week scan he was fully formed and jumping around like a little frog.
The specialist has said that it is unlikely that it has been dead for as long as 4 weeks ? he says it has probably been developing very slowly and most probably died in the last week or so. I hope he is right because the thought of carrying a dead baby for that long is a very hard one for me to get my head around.
He (the specialist) was lovely and said all the right things about abnormalities and nature?s way etc and I do feel relieved that this has happened now and not later ? but it doesn?t stop me feeling like s**t though.
TBH I am grateful that the sonographer, the radiologist and the doctor were so sensitive and kind ... I know that other people have had experiences of insensitivity at a time like this ...
I am feeling very up and down about it all ? one minute feel fine and just want it to be over and the next I am sobbing on the floor. DH is being a star ? and of course he is feeling gutted ?
The doctor has given me a choice ? I can go in and have a D and C under gen anaesthetic or I can let nature take its course. At the moment I want to stay at home and let things happen ? can?t bear the thought of being in hospital and having people digging around my bits etc. I might have to have a D&C later anyway but I want to try to avoid it if I can.
At this point I am still bleeding at the same rate as yesterday but I am having regular cramps that are becoming more and more painful everytime so I think it will all happen tonight or tomorrow ... the doc has govin me some quite hefty painkillers but they don't seem to be working yet...
Anyway ? not much else to say really ? except thank you all for your support ...
Laters ... Ghosty XXX