Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Is anyone up yet ... am having a 'mare ...

140 replies

Ghosty · 10/11/2002 05:47

Hi

Some of you may know that I am expecting again ... see 'anyone due mid 2003' thread ... but now I am having a shocker and don't want to post on that thread ...

I am 12 weeks today but yesterday I started bleeding ... just brown to start with then it got worst and went red and then went back to brown today and nearly stopped but about 5 minutes ago I had some cramps and went to the loo and and it is red and bitty ... am I having a miscarriage?

I am due for my scan on Tuesday but my doctor has said that I can go in on Monday if I want to to make sure but I thought that I would ask my mumsnet friends for advice on what to do (if anything) and what are the really alarming signs ...

Feeling very lost and frightened ... don't want this to happen to me ... DH being as supportive as poss but is annoying me as he keeps trying to gee me up and stuff but I just feel rotten ...

OP posts:
Ghosty · 11/11/2002 01:21

I am overwhelmed by the messages of support here ... you lot are truly fantastic ... thank you.

I had my scan this morning and I wish that I could tell you that it was good news ... unfortunately it is not.

I started bleeding on Saturday evening and it got steadily worse throughout Sunday (my 12 week mark)? and this morning I started having quite a lot of pain ?

I was due to have my 12 week scan Tuesday afternoon but I went in this morning (Monday) for a check up and it transpires that we have lost our baby. When I say lost ? it is still there but it is very small (8 weeks size) and there was no fetal heart beat and no movement ? it was very sad to see as I remember that at DS' 12 week scan he was fully formed and jumping around like a little frog.

The specialist has said that it is unlikely that it has been dead for as long as 4 weeks ? he says it has probably been developing very slowly and most probably died in the last week or so. I hope he is right because the thought of carrying a dead baby for that long is a very hard one for me to get my head around.

He (the specialist) was lovely and said all the right things about abnormalities and nature?s way etc and I do feel relieved that this has happened now and not later ? but it doesn?t stop me feeling like s**t though.

TBH I am grateful that the sonographer, the radiologist and the doctor were so sensitive and kind ... I know that other people have had experiences of insensitivity at a time like this ...

I am feeling very up and down about it all ? one minute feel fine and just want it to be over and the next I am sobbing on the floor. DH is being a star ? and of course he is feeling gutted ?

The doctor has given me a choice ? I can go in and have a D and C under gen anaesthetic or I can let nature take its course. At the moment I want to stay at home and let things happen ? can?t bear the thought of being in hospital and having people digging around my bits etc. I might have to have a D&C later anyway but I want to try to avoid it if I can.

At this point I am still bleeding at the same rate as yesterday but I am having regular cramps that are becoming more and more painful everytime so I think it will all happen tonight or tomorrow ... the doc has govin me some quite hefty painkillers but they don't seem to be working yet...

Anyway ? not much else to say really ? except thank you all for your support ...

Laters ... Ghosty XXX

OP posts:
bloss · 11/11/2002 01:32

Message withdrawn

threeangels · 11/11/2002 01:56

Dear Ghostly,

I am so very sorry things did not turn out the way they should for you. I hope you will find comfort from all of those close to you. Please take care of yourself and God Bless.

SueDonim · 11/11/2002 02:30

I'm sorry to hear your sad news, Ghosty. Take care and give yourself time to recover. Sue

bossykate · 11/11/2002 07:21

so sorry to hear this news, ghosty.

WideWebWitch · 11/11/2002 07:23

sorry ghosty. thinking of you.

tigermoth · 11/11/2002 07:48

Very sorry about this, ghosty. I hope writing about your loss has helped you. Take care of yourself.

PamT · 11/11/2002 07:49

I'm so sorry Ghosty, I wish I could say something more useful. Look after yourself. Pam.x.

monkey · 11/11/2002 08:33

Very sorry too, Ghosty. All my sympathy to you & dh

karenanne · 11/11/2002 08:35

oh ghosty...im so sorry.i was thinking of yopu all day yesterday.
im so glad you had understanding staff at the hospital sometimes they can be 'clinical'about miscarriages.
i hope everything goes ok and things do get better,it takes awhile but you will get there.

Marina · 11/11/2002 08:55

Ghosty, so sorry to hear that the news was bad in the end. Have been thinking of you and hoping for different news. Know all too well the feeling of being able to go about your business as though everything was OK one minute and being a stretcher case the next. Good to hear you have kind support from your doctor and at home, it makes some difference. Cyberhugs to you all.

Demented · 11/11/2002 09:00

Very sorry to hear your bad news Ghosty. Thinking of you and your family.

Katherine · 11/11/2002 09:49

Oh Ghosty
I am so sorry to discover your sad news this morning. What else can I say but that I understand. I could be reading my own story here and I know just how painful and shocking and scary it all is. My mc this time was nothing like me others. There were cramps as painful as the contractions with my daughter and very heavy bllod loss. It was very frightening but then I was at home in the middle of nowhere with two small children. It was a relief to finally be safe in hospital but I am also really glad they never did the D&C. Its a shame you can't stay there to be looked after anyway. You need to do what feels best for you at this stage but that may change and change again so be prepared.

I saw my baby this time and I felt it was about 8 weeks so it was comforting to hear what the Dr said to you. My baby is now buried in the garden under the witch hazel tree we bought.

I was so happy when I discovered we were pg together and now to go through this together is so sad but I hope we can support one another. This is such an overwhelming shock, expecially at the "magic" 12 week mark. I'm running on a very short fuse and one minute I fine and the next withdrawn and snappy. I'm not surprised. Its just something I've got to work through. After my earlier mcs I couldn't stand to see babies but this time at least it is only pg women who get me down (not good when they leave you waiting for your scan for 40 minutes).

Sending you masses of hugs and love and really feeling for you. Here if you need to talk. Feel free to get my email from mumsnet if you want to speak directly.

Enid · 11/11/2002 09:53

Ghosty, sorry to hear your sad news. Be kind to yourself and give yourself plenty of time to grieve - try not to overdo things in an attempt to 'get over it'. Prepare yourself for feeling a bit sad at Christmas, but remember that the New Year is coming and it will be time for new beginnings. Lots of love E x

SoupDragon · 11/11/2002 10:18

So sorry to hear your news, Ghosty. Take care of yourself.

GRMUM · 11/11/2002 10:50

Very sorry to hear this news.Look after yourself X

bundle · 11/11/2002 11:45

Ghosty, I'm so sorry to hear what's happened to you - and Katherine, I've felt a real kindred spirit with you both these past few weeks. You both need lots of tlc at the moment, and I wish there was something I could say to help you right now but words feel feeble and insufficient. I'm glad Ghosty that you were treated sensitively at the hospital, and I know what Katherine means about waiting for a scan...I was last in line for my amnio and it was hard seeing couples buying tokens for their scan photos when I was preparing myself for the worst (but everything looks fine for me so far with the preliminary results). lots of love, bundle x

megg · 11/11/2002 12:08

Ghosty I really don't know what to say as I've never been through this. Just take care of yourself, cry lots and well I don't know. Take care.
Megg

Batters · 11/11/2002 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bells2 · 11/11/2002 13:01

Really sorry to read this Ghosty.

ScummyMummy · 11/11/2002 13:37

So very sorry to hear this, Ghosty. Please take good care of yourself.

jemw · 11/11/2002 13:41

ghosty
so sorry to hear what has happened, thinking of you and your family, love jemw

honeybunny · 11/11/2002 13:41

Ghosty, so so sorry to hear your sad news. LOLove to you and dh. Thinking of you.

janh · 11/11/2002 13:46

Ghosty, sympathy and love from me too. xxx

Girly · 11/11/2002 13:57

So sorry Ghosty. xx